The Guest List
In six days, the following bloggers will be coming to my house for a quiet evening of checkers:
- Miss Britt
- Hilly
- Dave2
- Hellohahanarf
- Sassy
- I'm Wendy
- Certifiable Princess
- Kim
- Libragirl
- Bellaventa
- Ren
- Mommy Melee
- NYCWD
- Poppy Cedes
- Angie (A Whole Lot of Nothing)
- Hockey Man Dad
- Finn
- Karl
- Floating Princess
- Marty Mankins
- Deb on the Rocks
- Karen Sugarpants
- Coal Miner's Granddaughter
- Blondefabulous
- LeSombre
- Cheeky Sweetie
- Turnbaby
- Bubblewench
- Little Miss Sunshine State
- Faiqa
- Sheila, Charm School Reject
- Employee 3699
- That Bitchy Chick
This list, of course, doesn't include the 60 or so local friends, spouses, dignitaries, and members of the royal family who are attending. It is shaping up to be a fun time, although hopefully someone will bring some box wine and Cheez Whiz because I'm only supplying Ritz Crackers and PBR to drink.
If you're attending and I didn't include your name, it's a complete accident and it's due to the fact that I'm writing this after midnight on a Sunday after working on decorations all day with Clown, Liquid, Dave, Hilly, and two other friends. All that's running through my brain are lists of things that need to be done, made, hung, painted, bought, and adhered. We're making real progress, and my hope of being done by Friday afternoon so I can visit with some of you who are in town on Friday night has increased from a 1% chance to a 25% chance!
P.S. I have been asked by a service technician, a pizza delivery guy, and a taxi driver if they can come to the party this year.
P.P.S. I said no.
P.P.P.S. But in a nice way, not in a "You don't even fucking know my last name, weirdo" way.
P.P.P.P.S. My hand may be permanently stained from using fake blood to create blood splatters:
Posted in 
one of these days, after i win the lottery, MY NAME WILL BE ON THAT LIST.
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@bluepaintred, well, by then, the party will have gone global!
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So jealous.
I'm pretty sure you could fly me out and write it off as a business expense. I'd even blog about it. You could say I was advertising your business.
Think about it.
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@Redneck Mommy, I totally would consider it, but I already know that you have a prior engagement. So, do you want to choose me instead? Hm?
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@Redneck Mommy, i wish you were coming. *pout*
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Also jealous that I can't go.
it's obviously going to be a classy affair, with PBR and boxed wine!
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@Ashleigh, and why exactly can't you go?
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@Avitable, because I suck at life and couldn't get off work.
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I really want to be there. Hope everyone has fun!
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@Lynda, uh, no. We will be miserable and it will suck, so don't be sad on Saturday, okay?
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@Avitable, Well, I had planned to go to a bar and drink away my sorrows. But since you are just having everyone over to play charades, I guess I can find my happy on Saturday.
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Can't wait to get there.
Oh, and tell your guests that if they go through Priceline for their hotel, they can get the same $40 rate that we got. Just put in a offer of forty bucks, ask for a three star and check "that area only". Blam.
We Jews know how to work the system.
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@CP, are you at the Hilton nearby too?
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Four more days and I'll be in Florida. Don't say you weren't warned!
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@Lisa, I'm prepared. I bought wading boots, a fire extinguisher, and a concrete bunker underground.
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I cannot wait to see the pictures that result from a party with fake blood and drunk bloggers…
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@tracey, as long as the bloggers aren't drunk on blood, that is.
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@Avitable, Let's not rule anything out. Again, we've SEEN the guest list; do you really think that being drunk on blood is that far out there?
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I think I might just have to schedule a trip to Florida. Can I come if I bring Swiss cheese with me?
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@Elisa, for the crackers? Sure.
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Ah, so that's how it is. I rank THIRD after Miss Britt and Hilly. Okay. Okay. I get it. I mean, for any other blogger event, I'd most certainly be listed as "guest of honor" or "featured guest" or at least be put in the #1 spot. Have you forgotten who I am? Yes, I'm kind of a big deal on the internet and all, but it's not as if I'm deserving to be first on the list just because of my massive blogosphere cred. I mean, I AM flying further than anybody else to attend. And I DID provide you an award-winning T-shirt design for fundraising. And I ALSO showed up yesterday to like… do all the work. Hey, when you get right down to it, I AM AVITAWEEN! This is all about ME! But yeah, I totally get it. Miss Britt and Hilly are SO much more important than me (typed while rolling my eyes in the back of my head). But no worries… I'm not offended. Not even a little bit. Surprised, maybe, but not offended. SHOCKED even, but not offended. EMBARRASSED perhaps (for you), but not offended. So don't worry about it. Mistakes happen. I get that you're tired and aren't thinking straight. Well, it's not like you're "flown-all-the-way-across-the-country-tired" but still… I get it. And it's all good. I'm pretty humble when you get right down to it. And maybe that's why you didn't immediately rush to correct your error… you knew that you could count on me to be the bigger man here. You knew I could handle it. And I'm fine. So don't you go worrying that I've suddenly decided to cancel my appearance at your little party. I'll be there. I mean, how would I sleep at night if I announced that I wasn't going to go to your party and then nobody bothered to show up when they realized they wouldn't get to hang out with me? I couldn't. I just couldn't let down everybody like that. Sure I could rent out the ballroom at a local hotel and hold a party of my own so that everybody would have somewhere to see me and be seen with me… but I wouldn't do that. Because then all the local television stations and newspapers and such would be obligated to cancel their weekend plans to cover the event, and I just can't do it to them. Because I'm a giver like that. But, just because I'm so magnanimous and caring and stuff… it doesn't mean that my many fans and followers are. Not that I would ever encourage them to act upon their rage over my being treated so badly here, of course. I'm just not that kind of person. But it's entirely possible… likely even… that they could act on their own. They are people, after all. Not mindless sheep that hang on my every word and then decide to take vengeance into their own hands and seek out revenge for their Fearless Leader and Reason for Living. Because I'm a loving and spiritual being who could never condone such wrath… righteous though it may be. I mean, does God get angry when a picnic ant does something to displease His divine and holy presence? Does He destroy the entire world for such a misguided and pitiful action by such a miniscule and insignificant creature? No. No He does not. Even though He should. He really, really should. He should totally destroy you all. And he shouldn't feel bad about it either.
You a re so fucking lucky that I don't have ego issues.
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@Dave2, You're missing out on the one key element here, sweet cheeks. Breasts. You don't have them.
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@Dave2, oh, but you're #1 on my private extra-special list, Big Poppa Two.
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@Dave2, who is this guy? never heard of him.
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Ooooh yay, thank you for posting the list. I mean, I know I ask you who is coming every other second but this thing about being older than you also means my memory is decaying right before my very eyes.
(Thanks for making me more important than Dave. AS IT SHOULD BE!)
;)
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@Hilly, now you can make your list of who you would and who you wouldn't!
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Dude, you listed Faiqa at number 30?
You. Dead. All I'm sayin'.
Can't wait to see you and everyone there! SQUEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
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@Coal Miner's Granddaughter, the order was not listing any preference. It was completely random! Well, except for the top two. (Or so they think).
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@Avitable, I know that! I'm just trying to get Faiqa riled. Because she's cute when she's fired up.
Aaaaaand, now she's probably going to kick MY ass!
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Whew, I made the list!
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@LeSombre, well, I made an exception just for you.
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YAY!! There are only 2 people I don't like on that list and 1 I'm kind of iffy about!!
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@Miss Britt, what a horrible thing to say about Faiqa, Hilly, and Karen!
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@Miss Britt, You can't count me twice!
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That list looks like TROUBLE! But the best kind of trouble.
Have fun, people!
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@Sybil Law, so sorry you can't make it!
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Wow, I really do wish I could attend and meet all you guys. Maybe next year my zookeepers (son age 4, daughter age 1) will let me out to play. (Keeping my fingers crossed!)
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@Carolyn, just duct tape them to the bed for the weekend and leave food and water within reach. They'll do fine.
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I'm not getting a good picture in my head of all the attendees with their blog names just written down in a list like that.
Can you post some naked pics of them instead? That would be a big help.
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@B.E. Earl, well, I only have naked photos of Karl, but I'll email those to you.
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I'm #13.
:)
Unlike Dave2, I'm very happy with my number.
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@NYCWD, I should try to make it orange, just for you.
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Squeeee! So many people I miss, so many I can't wait to meet.
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So excited!! Thanks for the list. Was hoping to see one so I can read some blogs of the people I don't know! Looking forward to seeing those I know and meeting those I don't.
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Gah! I'm so excited. I see that you saved the best for (next to) last and that makes me happy.
What's with the Ritz crackers? Dammit Adam, I told you it's RUFFLES that make it a party. ::sigh:: I guess I'll just bring some with me.
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P.S. I warned you what would happen if you fisted Bloody Mary. When will you learn to just listen to me?
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Sweet, I love checkers. Why are people so concerned with the number on the list? Is it the order you get to enter? Is it your number for fabulous door prizes? If so, why would you want to be 1. Random number generators never pick 1 even when you hit refresh until it generates a number of someone you know and like before you grab the screen shot so it seems legit.
I guess I should go get a costume…
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Make sure you take embarrassing photos of the female bloggers when they get drunk and naked and make out with each other. I assume that's standard at an Avitaparty.
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Six more days… Six more days…
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I'm very excited to see all your hard work at the party. I can't imagine what it took to put it all together!
Oh and I know you put me as # 22 because that's how old I look. Right? (Lie to me, bud bud.)
:)
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Excellent.
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I wish i could come. (Sniffle-pout) Why do you live so faaaar away from meeee?
Have a blast, babes.
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Perhaps, I will email in a video that can be shown on the Jumbotron in your home.
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I'm so excited !! But if Marty from New Yawk ^^^^ was gonna be there I'm sure I'd be squeeeeing uncontrollably !
And as far as the list, I've only seen Dave IRL twice, and I'm pretty sure I have the bigger boobs. ; )
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DAMMIT! One day, my name will be on that list! I will be there in my gorilla suit, and your party will be even more awesome… if that's even possible.
But this year, I will be there in spirit, hovering near the food. Of course.
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Teehee you said "hung"
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Have an awesome time!
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(dancing)!!!
That's me DANCING the happy DANCE!!!!
Do you think Sugartits will mind if I molest her? I'm pretty sure I can find her passport and hold it hostage until I get to feel her up.
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I don't know who any of those people are. Maybe I shouldn't show up.
(You should have seen me saying over and over in the server room how I had to go to this party and I was going to this party and they couldn't stop me from going to this party. I think my boss considers me "Deranged" now. Fine by me.)
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Obviously this list is an inverted list of the coolest people on the planet. And, WHAT? I'm THIRD, you fucker?! Additionally, I don't think Britt is ever going to forgive you for this, Adam. I thought you guys were friends, man.
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@Faiqa, Sorry babe – I'm third which makes you fourth. I'll bring the torches, you bring the pitchforks…I can't bring those on the plane.
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If only you'd offered bible study, too…. *sigh*
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boo.
that's all I have to say.
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I'm available for drunken making out with chicks. Just puttin' it out there.
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I lack the words to properly express my jealousy.
Please touch everyone's boobs on my behalf.
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I just realized I'm the only one on that list who uses his full first and last name. Good thing I have no warrants for my arrest (well, not now… maybe after the party I will) and need to use an alternate moniker.
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It's my mission to be on that list next year! Have fun, everyone!
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I'm totally crashing the party next year.
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