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The Guest List

In six days, the following bloggers will be coming to my house for a quiet evening of checkers:

  1. Miss Britt
  2. Hilly
  3. Dave2
  4. Hellohahanarf
  5. Sassy
  6. I’m Wendy
  7. Certifiable Princess
  8. Kim
  9. Libragirl
  10. Bellaventa
  11. Ren
  12. Mommy Melee
  13. NYCWD
  14. Poppy Cedes
  15. Angie (A Whole Lot of Nothing)
  16. Hockey Man Dad
  17. Finn
  18. Karl
  19. Floating Princess
  20. Marty Mankins
  21. Deb on the Rocks
  22. Karen Sugarpants
  23. Coal Miner’s Granddaughter
  24. Blondefabulous
  25. LeSombre
  26. Cheeky Sweetie
  27. Turnbaby
  28. Bubblewench
  29. Little Miss Sunshine State
  30. Faiqa
  31. Sheila, Charm School Reject
  32. Employee 3699
  33. That Bitchy Chick

This list, of course, doesn’t include the 60 or so local friends, spouses, dignitaries, and members of the royal family who are attending. It is shaping up to be a fun time, although hopefully someone will bring some box wine and Cheez Whiz because I’m only supplying Ritz Crackers and PBR to drink.

If you’re attending and I didn’t include your name, it’s a complete accident and it’s due to the fact that I’m writing this after midnight on a Sunday after working on decorations all day with Clown, Liquid, Dave, Hilly, and two other friends. All that’s running through my brain are lists of things that need to be done, made, hung, painted, bought, and adhered. We’re making real progress, and my hope of being done by Friday afternoon so I can visit with some of you who are in town on Friday night has increased from a 1% chance to a 25% chance!

P.S. I have been asked by a service technician, a pizza delivery guy, and a taxi driver if they can come to the party this year.

P.P.S. I said no.

P.P.P.S. But in a nice way, not in a “You don’t even fucking know my last name, weirdo” way.

P.P.P.P.S. My hand may be permanently stained from using fake blood to create blood splatters:

My nod to Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

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69 Replies to “The Guest List”

  1. CP

    Can’t wait to get there.

    Oh, and tell your guests that if they go through Priceline for their hotel, they can get the same $40 rate that we got. Just put in a offer of forty bucks, ask for a three star and check “that area only”. Blam.

    We Jews know how to work the system.

  2. Dave2

    Ah, so that’s how it is. I rank THIRD after Miss Britt and Hilly. Okay. Okay. I get it. I mean, for any other blogger event, I’d most certainly be listed as “guest of honor” or “featured guest” or at least be put in the #1 spot. Have you forgotten who I am? Yes, I’m kind of a big deal on the internet and all, but it’s not as if I’m deserving to be first on the list just because of my massive blogosphere cred. I mean, I AM flying further than anybody else to attend. And I DID provide you an award-winning T-shirt design for fundraising. And I ALSO showed up yesterday to like… do all the work. Hey, when you get right down to it, I AM AVITAWEEN! This is all about ME! But yeah, I totally get it. Miss Britt and Hilly are SO much more important than me (typed while rolling my eyes in the back of my head). But no worries… I’m not offended. Not even a little bit. Surprised, maybe, but not offended. SHOCKED even, but not offended. EMBARRASSED perhaps (for you), but not offended. So don’t worry about it. Mistakes happen. I get that you’re tired and aren’t thinking straight. Well, it’s not like you’re “flown-all-the-way-across-the-country-tired” but still… I get it. And it’s all good. I’m pretty humble when you get right down to it. And maybe that’s why you didn’t immediately rush to correct your error… you knew that you could count on me to be the bigger man here. You knew I could handle it. And I’m fine. So don’t you go worrying that I’ve suddenly decided to cancel my appearance at your little party. I’ll be there. I mean, how would I sleep at night if I announced that I wasn’t going to go to your party and then nobody bothered to show up when they realized they wouldn’t get to hang out with me? I couldn’t. I just couldn’t let down everybody like that. Sure I could rent out the ballroom at a local hotel and hold a party of my own so that everybody would have somewhere to see me and be seen with me… but I wouldn’t do that. Because then all the local television stations and newspapers and such would be obligated to cancel their weekend plans to cover the event, and I just can’t do it to them. Because I’m a giver like that. But, just because I’m so magnanimous and caring and stuff… it doesn’t mean that my many fans and followers are. Not that I would ever encourage them to act upon their rage over my being treated so badly here, of course. I’m just not that kind of person. But it’s entirely possible… likely even… that they could act on their own. They are people, after all. Not mindless sheep that hang on my every word and then decide to take vengeance into their own hands and seek out revenge for their Fearless Leader and Reason for Living. Because I’m a loving and spiritual being who could never condone such wrath… righteous though it may be. I mean, does God get angry when a picnic ant does something to displease His divine and holy presence? Does He destroy the entire world for such a misguided and pitiful action by such a miniscule and insignificant creature? No. No He does not. Even though He should. He really, really should. He should totally destroy you all. And he shouldn’t feel bad about it either.

    You a re so fucking lucky that I don’t have ego issues.

  3. Hilly

    Ooooh yay, thank you for posting the list. I mean, I know I ask you who is coming every other second but this thing about being older than you also means my memory is decaying right before my very eyes.

    (Thanks for making me more important than Dave. AS IT SHOULD BE!)

    πŸ˜‰

  4. Hockeyman

    Sweet, I love checkers. Why are people so concerned with the number on the list? Is it the order you get to enter? Is it your number for fabulous door prizes? If so, why would you want to be 1. Random number generators never pick 1 even when you hit refresh until it generates a number of someone you know and like before you grab the screen shot so it seems legit.

    I guess I should go get a costume…

  5. Kim

    I’m so excited !! But if Marty from New Yawk ^^^^ was gonna be there I’m sure I’d be squeeeeing uncontrollably !

    And as far as the list, I’ve only seen Dave IRL twice, and I’m pretty sure I have the bigger boobs. ; )

  6. Nenette

    DAMMIT! One day, my name will be on that list! I will be there in my gorilla suit, and your party will be even more awesome… if that’s even possible. πŸ™‚
    But this year, I will be there in spirit, hovering near the food. Of course.

  7. Poppy

    I don’t know who any of those people are. Maybe I shouldn’t show up.

    (You should have seen me saying over and over in the server room how I had to go to this party and I was going to this party and they couldn’t stop me from going to this party. I think my boss considers me “Deranged” now. Fine by me.)

  8. Faiqa

    Obviously this list is an inverted list of the coolest people on the planet. And, WHAT? I’m THIRD, you fucker?! Additionally, I don’t think Britt is ever going to forgive you for this, Adam. I thought you guys were friends, man.

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