According to CNN, 32 planets have been discovered outside Earth’s solar system.
With ridiculous names like Mars, Jupiter, and Uranus, it’s obvious that scientists know dick-all about how to name things in any type of compelling way. I’d like to offer my services, and here are the 32 names that I suggest:
- Giantkiller
- Napoleon
- Royale With Cheese
- The Freshmaker
- Black Power
- Thundercats
- Mr. Brown
- Spaceballs the Planet
- Ninjas
- Mike Hunt
- Death by Chocolate
- Kardashian
- Awesome Planet Awesome of the World of Awesomeness
- 42
- Cunty
- Mimekiller
- Jason Bourne
- Mogo
- Snap
- Max Power
- Avitable
- Elm Street the Planet
- Fitty Cent
- Death Star
- Krypton
- World of Fish
- Crackle
- Burt Reynolds
- Boner
- Avril
- Gravitas
- Wolfcastle
What would you name a planet if you could name it anything?
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Twitter: Bellaventa
says:
Kardashian? Really?
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Twitter: karensugarpants
says:
Uhhhh Sugarplanet. Obvs.
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Twitter: karensugarpants
says:
#15 you totally named for me. Thanks!
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Twitter: thegoddesscher
says:
I’d name it “CP” so the world will actually revolve around me.
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Twitter: Amanda234
says:
I don’t know, but I’d like to live on 42
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Twitter: SarcasticMomLC
says:
AHAHAHA @ Cunty
I’d name a planet “Applesauce Lube”
Or maybe “Your Mom”
Possibly “Dirty Whore” but it’s too much like my second option.
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Twitter: SarcasticMomLC
says:
Wait! That was MY mom I was thinking about.
Sorry about that.
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ahahha I love “42″ but also, “your Mom”, as posted above
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Twitter: laurenacarlton
says:
Mullet. And it’s moons will be named Walmart and Plumber’s Crack.
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I keep combing the list. Can’t understand why I’m not finding “Avitable’s Penis” on it. Is that because it’s already being used for a planet – or comet perhaps?
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L. Ron Hubbard
Planet Cult
Anna Nicole
Balloon Boy, (the hoax planet)
Limbaugh, (a gas giant)
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Twitter: blondefabulous
says:
Toby…. the Little Giant.
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
This post is begging to have the Pixies’ “Planet of Sound” as a soundtrack. Or “Planet Rock” by Afrika Bambaataa & Soulsonic Force.
And that Kardashian planet…is it named after the giantess Khloé or Kim’s ass? Nevermind.
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I can’t believe you put Avitable so far down the list at #21. With your healthy ego, I would have thought that you would be #1.
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Avril? Ha! Why am I not surprised? It is a pretty name, though.
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
If we name a planet Avril, I’m not sure what I can do about it but I will curse the universe.
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1. Bitch please
2. Banana Hammock
3. Den of Nen (after me, of course)
4. Arrakis
5. Creampuff – especially if the planet is hot, rocky, and populated by thorny aliens.
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I like 13 and 29 the best!
I would name a planet Roy after my little kitty.
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Depending on the cuteness factor vs. its ability to destroy us all, either Ebi-chan or Chuck Norris. There should probably be a nod to Harry Potter in there as well. Maybe the Planet of Hermione and Ginny Making Out.
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Jimmy James
Art Vandelay
Jinkies MaGillicuddy
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Twitter: bobutler
says:
Avitable’s Left Nut
Bostavlia
SausageFest
JohnPaulGeorgeandRingo
Miss Britt – The Light
Fuck Me Sideways
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
Playtex.
Because Berkeley Breathed was always concocting adventures for Opus, Milo, and Binkley from “Bloom County.” Said adventures always seemed to take place with naked women from “Planet Playtex.”
And Heather, of course.
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Twitter: ItsToni
says:
How about…O’Phuhket.
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Hilly, those few names show so much about you.
I would name my planet “Earth” and it would be way better than the original.
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Twitter: msmegan
says:
Lolita.
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Twitter: missbritt
says:
Althea.
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Cocknballs I think has a nice ring to it. Imagine all the school children rushing home to tell there parents they learned all about cocknballs today. How they’ll dream about someday getting in a large phallic shaped rocket ship to travel to the planet and do nothing but frolic in all the glory cocknballs has to offer. The lush grasses, the musty air, the un-swimmable seas of tranquility. Ahhhh, the wonder of cocknballs will entertain all for sure.
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How can I edit my post? I made a glaring grammar error and it’s bugging me. Damn. The glory of cocknballs has been tarnished.
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I now have the bizarre desire to name something “The Freshmaker.” Perhaps I’ll change one of the kids middle names.
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Moon
Hell
Heaven
Planet
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Can I put in an application to go live on Death By Chocolate? Where is the office to pick up that paperwork located?
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Those are awesome. I wonder if I’d be forced to colonize Kardashian since I too am half Armenian.
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cunty…. omg…. if I ever stop laughing I’ll get back to you…. rofl
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I say instead of ‘Snap’, we make it “OH Snap!” Because, I mean, really- what’s the point in a name without the great vernacular to go along with it?
And you forgot “Chuck Norris”… and of course “Twi-hard” (for all the tween Twilight fans out there)..
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Twitter: fandpinlv
says:
Superfly
Just because I want to think of someone coming to earth and saying “I am from the Planet Superfly. Take me to your Funkytown.”
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
I would call mine Planet.
Or Little Planet.
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Awesome list.
Corinthia – After the place they make leather, of course.
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I would totally pack up and move to planet “ninjas.” I’m pretty sure there are Barenaked Ladies there.
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Twitter: Dumblond
says:
I think Krypton is a no-go. You might jinx it…
How about Druidia?
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Twitter: 2tallforskool
says:
hahaha you said boner.
and, apparently, i have the mentality of a 12 year old boy.
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#8 and #10 are my favorites. Just hearing the media side step around those will be comedy gold.
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Shitballs. I love that word. Talking about a planet named “Shitballs” would make me start watching the Discovery Channel again.
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For the record, the Thundercats home planet was Thundera. Just sayin’.
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