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The science of naming planets

According to CNN, 32 planets have been discovered outside Earth’s solar system.

With ridiculous names like Mars, Jupiter, and Uranus, it’s obvious that scientists know dick-all about how to name things in any type of compelling way. I’d like to offer my services, and here are the 32 names that I suggest:

  1. Giantkiller
  2. Napoleon
  3. Royale With Cheese
  4. The Freshmaker
  5. Black Power
  6. Thundercats
  7. Mr. Brown
  8. Spaceballs the Planet
  9. Ninjas
  10. Mike Hunt
  11. Death by Chocolate
  12. Kardashian
  13. Awesome Planet Awesome of the World of Awesomeness
  14. 42
  15. Cunty
  16. Mimekiller
  17. Jason Bourne
  18. Mogo
  19. Snap
  20. Max Power
  21. Avitable
  22. Elm Street the Planet
  23. Fitty Cent
  24. Death Star
  25. Krypton
  26. World of Fish
  27. Crackle
  28. Burt Reynolds
  29. Boner
  30. Avril
  31. Gravitas
  32. Wolfcastle

What would you name a planet if you could name it anything?

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43 Replies to “The science of naming planets”

  1. B.E. Earl

    This post is begging to have the Pixies’ “Planet of Sound” as a soundtrack. Or “Planet Rock” by Afrika Bambaataa & Soulsonic Force.

    And that Kardashian planet…is it named after the giantess Khloé or Kim’s ass? Nevermind. 😉

  2. Grant

    Depending on the cuteness factor vs. its ability to destroy us all, either Ebi-chan or Chuck Norris. There should probably be a nod to Harry Potter in there as well. Maybe the Planet of Hermione and Ginny Making Out.

  3. Hockeyman

    Cocknballs I think has a nice ring to it. Imagine all the school children rushing home to tell there parents they learned all about cocknballs today. How they’ll dream about someday getting in a large phallic shaped rocket ship to travel to the planet and do nothing but frolic in all the glory cocknballs has to offer. The lush grasses, the musty air, the un-swimmable seas of tranquility. Ahhhh, the wonder of cocknballs will entertain all for sure.

  4. Becca

    I say instead of ‘Snap’, we make it “OH Snap!” Because, I mean, really- what’s the point in a name without the great vernacular to go along with it?
    And you forgot “Chuck Norris”… and of course “Twi-hard” (for all the tween Twilight fans out there).. 😉

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