For little more than a year, I’ve been friends with Tanis, a blogger who’s famous in Canada, which is kind of like being rich in Romania. I mean, I guess some of you may have heard of her outside of the Great White North, but mainly because I’ve written about her several times before. This time, though, it’s a bit more serious. It’s about today, and what today will be like for my friend.
Tanis, I’m sorry. I didn’t know who you were four years ago when your son Bug died. I wasn’t there to see you glassy-eyed, barely functioning, enduring a flow of well-wishers and supporters, and then struggling to survive when that flow dried up. I wasn’t there to sit with you quietly, offering nothing more than the solace of another person’s company.
I have never experienced loss on a level even close to yours. I can only try to use what I do know, from knowing you and being your friend, to offer my love and support. I know that Bug was loved deeply by his mother and his father and his brother and his sister. I know that he will live forever within your heart. And I know that even though the pain will never go away, your fond memories of his time on this earth will grow stronger until the hurt is more bearable. And that doesn’t mean that your love was or is or will ever be any less.
Today is going to be a hard day. Today you will be mourning one son while celebrating the birthday of your newly adopted son. How do you do both? How do you separate a celebration of a lost life and a celebration of a new one?
If I can be presumptuous, let me answer that. You don’t. Every time you embrace Jumby, every step you take while carrying him, every minute you spend with him at the doctor’s, helping him to grow stronger, you are celebrating life. You are living life to the fullest, taking that love that Bug had for you and you had for him, and investing it in the world. In Jumby. In Fric and Frac. And that’s the best way to remember your son that I can think of.
I wasn’t there to sit with you then, but I’m here now. And I encourage everyone who is reading this to sit quietly for a moment for Tanis. And then take your love and invest it. Love always pays dividends.
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Twitter: VDog
says:
Missing her Bug, too. Courage, Tanis.
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I first started reading Tanis when she began her blog Missing My Bug. She is an amazing woman with astounding inner strength.
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Hands out to you T.
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Beautiful post, Adam.
You’re a good friend.
Much love to Tanis, Bug and the rest of the Redneck family.
xoxo
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Twitter: www.mom2nji.blogspot.com
says:
Last year, I found Tanis on here, it was through a friend who connected me to her blog archives about Shale. With every post my heart shattered for her. Thinking of Shale today and all of the redneck family today.
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Twitter: SarcasticMomLC
says:
<3
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Twitter: ellemmes
says:
Tanis, I can’t imagine what you go through every year at this time. But I’m sitting here with you, quietly thinking of you and your Bug.
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I’m speechless. I’m in awe of you, Avitable and of Tanis. Such talented people with such amazingly big hearts. Thinking of Tanis and her brood and thankful to your for reminding all of us.
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Love.
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Twitter: karensugarpants
says:
There’s so many things I love about Tanis, I can’t even put into words what her strength and her character has meant to me. I love you T.
xo
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You have such a good heart, Adam.
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Twitter: HeadlessMom
says:
What a beautiful gift, Adam. Tanis is a lucky girl to have you as a friend.
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Twitter: mrlady
says:
WORD.
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Twitter: TemerityJane
says:
I wish I had said something then, and I wish I could think of something to say now, but you have done an excellent job.
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This is lovely of you to do for your friend.
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Tanis, thoughts and prayers to you today. Fair play to you Adam.
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You are a wonderful friend, Adam.
Tanis, my thoughts are with you and your family as you (always) remember your Bug, and celebrate Jumby’s day.
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Beautiful tribute, Adam. I thank you for pointing me in Tanis’ direction. She is a wonderfully talented writer. I will indeed be investing my love today.
Strength and courage to Tanis. She will be in the multitude’s thoughts today.
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Twitter: blondefabulous
says:
Here here! Love to Tanis!
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Twitter: Temptingsam
says:
Thinking of you and your family today Tanis. I love you and am in awe of your strength. You’re an amazing woman.
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This is so kind, Adam. Thank you.
Sitting with you, T. Right here.
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I like seeing this side of you. I knew it was there, we ALL knew it was there. But it’s nice that you let us into that side every so often.
Never read Tanis’ blog before, but now I’m going to go check it out. I’ll be thinking of her today.
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
I don’t know who she is but she sounds amazing and very strong.
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Adam, that was so beautiful and poignant. Thank you.
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Twitter: alimartell
says:
This was so nice. I am so glad to be able to call you my friend, friend.
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Holding Tanis and her Redneck family in my heart today.
Thank you, Adam, for sharing this with us.
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Twitter: maria0305
says:
This was beautiful Adam.
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Twitter: missbritt
says:
Sitting.
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Twitter: msmegan
says:
*not saying anything, just being here*
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Your strength and the genuine and very unique love for your family just amazes me, Tanis. Love to you and your family today and everyday.
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Well said. My thoughts are with Tanis and her family today.
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Twitter: bobutler
says:
You can be such and ass. And you can be so caring and giving. If I were into man-love, I’d swoon.
Tanis, my best to you.
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Tanis, today, like all the others…but more so, you are surrounded by our love. Your strength has shown us all the power of a woman who despite all the pain, is not just surviving, but saving others. You’re a hero, Tanis.
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Beautiful Adam! Hugs to Tanis and her family.
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Twitter: AmazingGreis
says:
Beautiful words Adam! Tanis, you and your family are in my thoughts today!!! ((hugs)) XOXO
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
i can’t even begin to imagine.
love to tanis and her family.
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Absolutely.
<3
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Adam… you rock! Tanis is so lucky to have a friend in you.
Because of a certain post RM wrote on 09/17/07… I read that post while I was in labor with #3, and because of that post, I’ve learned to cherish my children a little more. To be a little more loving, a little more patient, and a lot more grateful for them.
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Twitter: perpstu
says:
Sitting quietly for Tanis is a wonderful thing to do today. Hugs and prayers for the whole family.
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You’re an awesome friend, Adam. So happy to call you MY friend.
Sending love and hugs to you and your family, Tanis.
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Thank you everyone. I won’t lie. Today’s kicking my ass.
But having friends like Adam goes a long way to being knocked flat on my ass.
Thank you Adam.
I love you.
And damn you for making me cry you ass.
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Adam, you’re a pretty amazing person and an awesome friend. Tanis is damn lucky to have you there to hold her up.
XOXOXO for Bug, Tanis and the whole Redneck clan.
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Twitter: ArtistMother
says:
Christ. First I read Tanis’ post and then this. Now I’m sitting silently in my office wiping the tears away.
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Twitter: Zakary
says:
Wow, Adam you are an amazing friend.
Thinking of Tanis and her family.
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this was so sweet, thoughtful and kind of you to write. so beautiful too. she is lucky to have such a wonderful friend in you
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thanks for writing this. I know how important it is for Tanis to read your words.
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Twitter: Pgoodness
says:
Adam, this is beautiful. Tanis, all my love today and always.
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Adam, you just keep getting better and better. Love to you both.
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Thinking quiet thoughts of you and your family today.
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
And this is why I love you, Adam.
Tanis, I hope today is special in many ways. Love your boys, both of them. I know you will.
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Very, very well said. Beautiful post.
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Very nice Adam…
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Twitter: mooshinindy
says:
Tanis, love you.
Adam, way not to be an ass for 24 hours.
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
Adam, this is so sweet of you.
Tanis, I am sorry for your loss and hope you are able to celebrate your time with Bug. <3
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Usually you get me all riled up. Maybe by posting some god awful interview with a dead guy, posting nekkid bits or just being *ahem* confrontational.
But then you do something like this. And you make me cry. *sniffle*
And I love you more than ever. In a ‘I don’t want to see any more of your nekkid bits than I already have’ kind of way.
It *is* still love, though.
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Twitter: Faiqa
says:
So beautiful, her and this post.
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Twitter: alotofnothing
says:
Tanis is lucky to have you as a friend, to remind her to celebrate both boys.
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Twitter: nycwatchdog
says:
This is one of those times… when there are no words…
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Beautiful post! I love the last sentence, “Love always pays dividends!”
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Twitter: themuskrat
says:
Wow. Well done.
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Adam, you are a compassionate, and caring soul…
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This is one of the sweetest, most beautiful, heartfelt posts I’ve ever read from you. I think you got it right in that while we all want to offer love and support, sometimes just sitting with them is all we can do, and all they really need.
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