After playing around with the new Twitter list function and randomly adding all people I’m following into either a “marry“, “fuck“, or “kill” list, I decided that we should play that game. Out of the following groups, who would you marry, who would you fuck, and who would you kill?
 JFK |
 Ronald Reagan |
 Barack Obama |
 Michael J. Fox |
 Rosie O'Donnell |
 Ru Paul |
 Kristen Bell |
 Angelina Jolie |
 Mila Kunis |
 Bert |
 Snuffleupagus |
 Elmo |
My answers:
1. Marry JFK for the money, Fuck Obama because you know he’d be pretty fucking eager, and Kill Reagan before he could call you a Commie.
2. Marry RuPaul so you can borrow his clothes, no matter what your sex is, Fuck Michael J. Fox because he’d do all the work involuntarily, and Kill Rosie O’Donnell because she’s Rosie O’Donnell.
3. Marry Kristen Bell because you could spend years talking to her without getting bored, Fuck Mila Kunis because she would be a fucking tiger, and Kill Angelina Jolie because she’s an ugly skank.
4. Marry Bert because you know he’d take care of the house, Fuck Snuffleupagus because he’s imaginary, so nobody will actually remember that it happened, and Kill Elmo because his voice would make your brain melt.
What are your answers?
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Twitter: Amanda234
says:
My answers are the same as yours, except I’d marry Michael J Fox, fuck RuPaul, and kill Rosie
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@Amanda, yeah, I was torn on that one, too.
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Twitter: thegoddesscher
says:
1) Marry Barack. Kill Reagan. Fuck JFK
2) Marry Michael J. Fox. Fuck RuPaul. Kill Rosie.
3) Marry Mila Kunis. Fuck Angelina Jolie til her eyes roll back into her skull. Kill whoever the hell that last person was…because I am too busy now thinking about fucking Angelina.
4) Marry Snuffy. Fuck Bert and Ernie. Kill Elmo.
I shall now go use my BOB to fuck Angelina with my mind. Thank you.
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@CP, that last person is Kristen Bell, and she is fucking awesome!
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Twitter: thegoddesscher
, October 31st, 2009: 11:13 AM
@Avitable, don’t know her. Not into blondes anyway. Excuse me while I continue fucking Angelina. And Brad for that matter. Oh to be sandwiched between those two…*sighs*
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Damn, I think I did the list thing all wrong. Imade 20 lists and just because I made it on your “Fuck” list, I had to go out and make a “Hot or Irish” list, which is essentially just like your “Would Fuck” list, only with a nod to my fetish (Irishmen.)
I’m thinking just 3 lists is a way better idea. Marry, Fuck, or Kill. It really is that simple, isn’t it?
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@DollParts, hey, I’m half Irish!
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@Avitable, I bet she wonders which half?
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@Darryl, the left.
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Jesus Frickin’ Christ- Where are the hot guys? You guys get Kirsten Bell and we get Ronald Regan- where’s the justice?
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@Zoe Right, there’s Obama, JFK, Michael J. Fox, and RuPaul!
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Twitter: SarcasticMomLC
says:
To be honest, I’d fuck everyone and THEN kill them. I’m already married, and I’d never do that again. I actually LEARN not to do stupid things again.
Oh, rules. FINE.
1) Fuck JFK b/c um, yeah. Kill Reagan, b/c um, yeah. Marry Obama by default.
2) I have to fuck Marty McFly. No question. I have NO OTHER CHOICE but to KILL Rosie O’Donell. Marry Rupaul by default. Sleep with gun under bed.
3) Marry Kristin Bell by default, b/c Kill Angelina (that bitch wants too many kids) and Fuck Mila Kunis b/c DUH.
4) Marry Bert & Ernie by default, b/c Fuck Snuffie (LOOK AT THAT THING) and DUH Kill Elmo.
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@Sarcastic Mom, so you want Snuffie to fuck you with his trunk? You are one sick twisted person! That’s a puppet! Jeez, some people.
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1. I’d marry JFK cus he is cute, Fuck Obama cus he is hot, but not long term, and kill Regan cus he is fugly
2.I’d fuck Micah j fox (Typo but it stays LOL) Cus of the three he is the hottest, marry Rosie cus she would entertain me and take me on cruises, and kill ru paul for being ambiguous.
3. Kill Kristen and the mila chick whoever they are, and marry AJ so I could fuck her all day long. Then I would sleep an hour and go all night long. At least until the friction burns happened. then I would borrow brad, I’m sure he could make it better, if not, we would all three laugh about Aniston for a few days til I got better and repeat for about EVER.
4.Dude. those aren’t real people.Though I kinda wonder what Snuffy can do with his trunk…Imagine the hair in the mouth issues though…
pee ess : I question the truth of the use of the word random in this post.
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@bluepaintred, so you don’t like ambiguity, eh? And let’s just say 90% random.
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Twitter: thegoddesscher
, October 31st, 2009: 11:15 AM
@bluepaintred, *LMAO* at your #3. I feel ya, sister! Brad and Angie sandwich? YUM!
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Kristen Bell. I would do some really filthy things to her.
Now what are we talking about?
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@Miss, just imagine her AND Mila Kunis together.
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Twitter: jurgen_nation
says:
I have no answer for these, I just wanted to stop by and thank you for listing me as someone you’d fuck. I feel so…womanly, so alive. If you could do me a favor and create a blog badge that reads, “Avitable Would Fuck Me” that would rock really hard. I still display my “Bangable Blog Babe” badge proudly.
These moments are some of my most proud.
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@Jurgen Nation, I totally should create a badge like that!
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Twitter: jurgen_nation
, October 31st, 2009: 1:18 PM
@Avitable, I hope you do!! Let me know when you’re finished (heh) so I can have my way with it. I don’t think you should stop there, though, oh no, don’t stop, do not stop. I think you should take it all further and keep going. You could erect an “Avitable Fuckability Rating” and spread your seed throughout the Internets. You could retreat into a corner with only yourself the use your hands and imagination for a period of time (it probably wouldn’t take you long) and spit out your own “Fuckable Files” (a play on “Fuck” and “Avitable” AND it’s also sort of a word in its own right) and list the reasons WHY said person (Backpacking Dad, for instance) is fuckable.
You should totally do this, Avitable, in the way only you can. Do it. Do it hard.
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@Jurgen Nation, pfft. You’re totally mocking me now.
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Twitter: jurgen_nation
, October 31st, 2009: 1:33 PM
@Avitable, a little. But was I any good?
(I actually do think it would take off. Fuck, I’d display the badge AND buy a t-shirt.)
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Twitter: ashleighlynne
says:
Fuck JFK, Marry Obama, kill Reagan.
Fuck Michael J Fox, Marry RuPaul, Kill Rosie O’Donell
Fuck Mila Kunis, Marry Kristen Bell, Kill Angelina Jolie. AJ is ugly.
Marry Elmo, Fuck Snuffy, Kill Bert. Bert creeps me the fuck out.
Glad to know I’m on your fuck list, woot!
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@Ashleigh, AJ is ugly. Thank you! I don’t understand what people see in her.
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Holy shit, your list is awesome.
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@LongStoryLonger, thanks!
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Twitter: kimt205
says:
I think I need more choices.
I’m a bitch like that.
; )
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@Kim, but that’s not how it works!
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I giggled when I found out I was on your “kill” list.
I think you’ve warped my brain. Dude.
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@Sarah, that’s a huge compliment on my part, btw.
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Twitter: Faiqa
says:
Marry, fuck or kill:
*Barack (this should be obvious), JFK (so should this), and I refuse to say that I would kill Ronald Reagan. I think history will prove that he wasn’t totally evil. Plus, I think they’re still sending people to Gitmo.
*Michael J. Fox, Rosie, RuPaul
*Angelina Jolie (SKANK?? She’s a UN goodwill ambassador, are you kidding me??), Mila Kunis (raawwr), Kristen Bell (I don’t even know who that is).
*I would kill all of the last ones.
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@Faiqa, Angelina Jolie is a nasty skank. And how do you not know who Kristen Bell is? She’s Veronica Mars!
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Michael, Ms Mars, Muppets, moms, manly men, mixed up minds. Mission? Manuscript my motive for murder, matrimony or “messing around”.
Maybe in a minute.
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@avatgardener,
mess, matrimony, murder
matrimony, murder,mess
murder, mess, matrimony
matrimony, mess, murder
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@avatgardener, mess, eh? Hm.
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1. Marry Obama
Fuck JFK
Kill Reagan
*I think JFK was somewhat of a man-whore so that is why Obama wins for the marrying role. Like Faiqa, I’m not comfortable having to kill Ronnie but yanno, it’s a game.
2. Marry Michael J. Fox
Fuck Rosie
Kill RuPaul
* Not that I want to have sex with Rosie O’Donnell in any way, shape or form. I figure I can just close my eyes and pretend someone else is licking me.
3. Marry Mila Kunis
Fuck Kristen Bell
Kill Angelina Jolie
* As long as I am killing Angelina, the other two are interchangeable really.
4. Marry Bert
Fuck Elmo
Kill Snuffy
* I wouldn’t mind being Bert’s beard because he’s a clean freak and can probably hold down a job. I’d fuck Elmo but put a ball gag in his mouth.
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@Hilly, I can’t believe you would kill Snuffy. You’re a horrible, evil person. Dream destroyer!
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@Avitable, Snuffy can suck a dick.
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@Hilly, *gasp*!
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I’m going with your answers except what Amanda said.
Who cares though, look at how effing hot Kristen Bell is. Be right back…
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@Hockeyman, yeah she is.
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I’m sorry. I’m too distracted by that picture of Kristen Bell to respond.
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@Badass Geek, I know, right? I looked through the photos I found of her for a loooong time.
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1. Marry Obama because intelligent and hot, Fuck JFK because … well, he’s JFK, kill Reagan by default.
2. Marry RuPaul for the entertainment value and the clothes, Fuck Michael J. Fox because I had a thing for Alex Keaton, kill Rosie by default.
3. Marry Angelina Jolie because she a do-gooder … oh, and she can supply Brad Pitt wherever and whenever, Fuck Mila Kunis because maybe she’d bring her friends Topher, Danny and/or Ashton along,kKill Kristen by default.
4. Marry Bert for his mind, Fuck Elmo because his sex noises have to be wicked interesting, kill Snuffleupagus by default.
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@Janer, Bert has a mind?
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I can’t answer b/c I’m plagued by ambiguity: Like, if you marry, presumably there would be fucking involved, except you’d have to stay interested enough to stick around, and not *eventually* kill them. And couldn’t you just fuck one of them and then kill them because, you know, I’m done with you and this will ensure you leave me alone? The only certainty I have is Rosie. I think that’s obvious. Though, I bet she’d be *angry* in the sack first…
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@harmzie, or it would be one of those sexless marriages . . .
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Twitter: Jayman3768
says:
This is actually much more complicated than it seems. The more you think about it, the more difficult the decisions get. I would really like to say I would fuck Reagan. Mainly because of his homophobia. Which I’m sure was simply his trying to hide his desire to have General Alexander Haig bend him over the Kennedy desk and nail him. That would leave me with marrying JFK because I’m all about the wealth and power. But, then I would have to kill Obama. Which leaves us with President Biden, and that’s just a bad idea.
And, choosing between Kristin and Mila? So unfair. I mean, you picked the ONE person in the whole world I would consider marrying over Mila. Asshole.
And, even though you only put Bert’s name up there, you put a pic of both Bert and Ernie. Does this mean I would actually be a part of a gay thriple? Cause, that would be awesome. Think of the blog fodder!
Oh okay, here we go..
Marry JFK, Fuck Obama and Kill Reagan. Denying Ronnie of what he really wants is the best way to go on this.
Kill Michael J. Fox because he’s a sympathy whore. Marry Rosie because she’s not getting any love here and kill Ru Paul.
Marry Kristin because my love for her will never fade. Fuck Mila … A LOT!!!! And kill Angelina because she’s disgusting.
Fuck Bert (and Ernie) and fulfill my thriple dreams. Kill Elmo cause he’s a total perv and marry Snuffle cause I think he’s a great cuddler and will hold me and make it all better when Bert and Ernie dump me.
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@Jay, can’t believe you would kill Marty McFly. Bastard.
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I’d totally be Bert’s beard. I bet he’d do my accounting for me.
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@Maria, Ernie would probably want to cut a bitch, though.
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
Fucking the Snuffleupagus is like riding a moped.
Tremendous fun until any of your freinds sees you.
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@B.E. Earl, I originally contemplated the more politically incorrect version of that when I wrote my post, but changed my mind.
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This is annoying because I had to open a new window so as to avoid having to scroll up to review each grouping.
1.
JFK: fuck (probably good in the sack despite back problems)
RR: kill (obvious)
BO: marry (I’d get to stalk thru the White House naked and no one could say anything.)
2.
MF: fuck (I wouldn’t want to be stucked married to him, because . . . you know)
RD: kill (obvious)
RP: marry (yes, the clothes, but mostly the wigs)
(I’m sensing a pattern here.)
3. (exact same reasons as you gave)
KB: marry (pattern broken!)
AJ: kill
MK: fuck
4.
B: kill (hate, hate, HATE!)
S: fuck (DUH! Check out his nose-thing)
E: marry (only one left)
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@JD at I Do Things, you hate Bert more than Elmo?
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@Avitable, Bert was like the Andy on The Andy Griffith Show and Elmo . . .wait, I’m thinking of Bert and Ernie. But ANYway, Ernie was like the Barney. I always hated Andy — he was such a superior know-it-all. So, yes, even Elmo wasn’t on The Andy Griffith Show, I prefer him to Bert.
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1) JFK: Fuck (Come on now, if he’s good enough for Marilyn!) RR: Marry (Because he looks good in a cowboy hat and likes guns) BO: Kill (Sorry, it’s the only option; no hard feelings)
2) MJF: Marry (Alex P. Keaton. I rest my case.) RO: KILL! (Obvious.) RP: Fuck (That would be fun, fun, fun!)
3) KB: Kill (She was Elle on Heroes and I couldn’t stand the whiny brat.) AJ: Fuck (Repeatedly!) MK: Marry (A girl you could bring home to Ma.)
4) B: Fuck (I hear he gives good head. Ernie told me.) S: Marry (Slow and steady wins the race.) E: KILL! (Have you heard that God-damned song? I rest my case.)
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@Secret Agent Mishi, you’d kill Obama? Horrible!
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@Avitable,
I know, right?
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Twitter: Kapgar
says:
I’d flip the roles on Mila and Kristin.
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@kapgar, that was the hardest decision for me.
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Twitter: theBitchinWife
says:
I can’t believe you took the time to add every person you follow into a list…. but I am so relieved to be in the fuckable category and not the skull fuck or kill ones. You are so sweet to think of me!!
And I would totally marry Michael J Fox (talk about marrying someone for the money!), fuck RuPaul because he could do you anyway you wanted, and well, you know where that leaves poor Rosie….
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@Amy @ The Bitchin’ Wives Club, of course you’re in the “would fuck” category. Have you met you? Ummm, I mean, the assignments were totally random and have no meaning behind them whatsoever.
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Fuck Adam because he’s starting to look seriously hot from the weight loss; kill Adam’s wife before she kills me for fucking Adam; marry defense attorney who gets me acquitted.
(This is *so* going to get me in trouble at the Avitable residence!)
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@DanjerusKurves, so you’re saying I wasn’t hot before, eh?
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My answers are all kill.
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@Grant, I suspected as much.
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Marry JFK (he dies young), fuck Obama, kill Reagan.
Marry Michael J. Fox, kill Rosie, kill RuPaul.
Marry Kristen Bell, fuck Mila Kunis, kill Angelina.
Marry Bert, fuck Snuffleupagus, kill Elmo.
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@Sybil Law, we’re pretty much on the same wavelength there.
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Twitter: blondefabulous
says:
Since none of those seem appealing to me, marrying and fucking are O-U-T out!
Can I make up my own?
Marry HHH, Fuck MTM, Kill my Ex Husband!
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@Blondefabulous, the point is that you’re forced to choose. Sigh. You fail at this game.
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
How am I supposed to chose between Mila and Angelina, that’s really not fair. I refuse to play. However, most of my lesbian dreams involve Angelina.
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@Robin, it’s easy. Angelina is a skank whore. Mila is not. See?
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OK. So I’d fuck JFK, Jolie and Snuffie (just cuz he’s got to be hung). I wouldn’t marry a damn one of them, cuz I’ve sworn to never remarry, not even in my head. As far as killing any of them, that requires effort and I rather enjoy being a lazy bum.
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@Tiffany, fucking doesn’t take any effort?
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@Avitable, Only when the one I’m fucking is worthy of my effort! If I’m going to use valuable energy I better get my jollies in the end.
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So I have to Twitter to find out if you would rather marry, fuck, or kill me? That’s almost enough reason to start.
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@Allyson, totally worth it.
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
although i am not the marrying type, i’d totally marry reagan. ya know, if the timing would have been right.
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@hello haha narf, pfft. You didn’t play right.
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You’re awesome. That is all.
Oh wait, PS: Why is Ernie not an option? That could be an interesting threesome.
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@sweetney, a threesome with Bert and Ernie would just end up with Ernie crying in the corner while Bert ignored him in lieu of you.
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Twitter: elizabethbarone
says:
I’ll take Mila Kunis and Angelina Jolie, and I’ll be back with them in about two days. I so wish you still had those vulgar smilies…
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@Elizabeth Kaylene, just get it all on video, okay?
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Marry Obama, Fuck JFK and Kill Reagan
Marry Micheal J Fox because he’s Marty, Fuck RuPaul because there’s a chance some of him is a woman and kill Rosie because she needs to be killed.
Marry Mila, Fuck Kristin and Kill Angelina
Marry Elmo for the laughter, Fuck Snuffleupagus for the softness of it’s fur and kill Bert because I never liked him.
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@martymankins, you’d prefer Elmo over Bert?
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@Avitable, Bert always creeped me out as a kid. Elmo was all about laughter and happy. Like a demented furry red clown.
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I just noticed today I’m on your marry list. I do appreciate that – thank you.
xo
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@Princess of the Universe, heh. No problem!
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You my friend are a demented bastard and I heart you for that… Well Done.
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Fuck Obama, Marry JFK, Kill Regan
Fuck Michael J. Fox, Marry RuPaul, Kill Rosie O’Donnell
Fuck Kristen Bell, Marry Mila Kunis, Kill Angelina Jolie
Fuck Snuffleupagus, Marry Bert, Kill Elmo
**I found this page searching for “fuck michael j fox”. Thank you for this.
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