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Marry, Fuck, or Kill?

After playing around with the new Twitter list function and randomly adding all people I’m following into either a “marry“, “fuck“, or “kill” list, I decided that we should play that game. Out of the following groups, who would you marry, who would you fuck, and who would you kill?

Ronald Reagan
Ronald Reagan
Barack Obama
Barack Obama
Michael J. Fox
Michael J. Fox
Rosie O'Donnell
Rosie O'Donnell
Ru Paul
Ru Paul
Kristen Bell
Kristen Bell
Angelina Jolie
Angelina Jolie
Mila Kunis
Mila Kunis

My answers:

1. Marry JFK for the money, Fuck Obama because you know he’d be pretty fucking eager, and Kill Reagan before he could call you a Commie.

2. Marry RuPaul so you can borrow his clothes, no matter what your sex is, Fuck Michael J. Fox because he’d do all the work involuntarily, and Kill Rosie O’Donnell because she’s Rosie O’Donnell.

3. Marry Kristen Bell because you could spend years talking to her without getting bored, Fuck Mila Kunis because she would be a fucking tiger, and Kill Angelina Jolie because she’s an ugly skank.

4. Marry Bert because you know he’d take care of the house, Fuck Snuffleupagus because he’s imaginary, so nobody will actually remember that it happened, and Kill Elmo because his voice would make your brain melt.

What are your answers?

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94 Replies to “Marry, Fuck, or Kill?”

  1. CP

    1) Marry Barack. Kill Reagan. Fuck JFK
    2) Marry Michael J. Fox. Fuck RuPaul. Kill Rosie.
    3) Marry Mila Kunis. Fuck Angelina Jolie til her eyes roll back into her skull. Kill whoever the hell that last person was…because I am too busy now thinking about fucking Angelina.
    4) Marry Snuffy. Fuck Bert and Ernie. Kill Elmo.

    I shall now go use my BOB to fuck Angelina with my mind. Thank you.

  2. DollParts

    Damn, I think I did the list thing all wrong. Imade 20 lists and just because I made it on your “Fuck” list, I had to go out and make a “Hot or Irish” list, which is essentially just like your “Would Fuck” list, only with a nod to my fetish (Irishmen.)
    I’m thinking just 3 lists is a way better idea. Marry, Fuck, or Kill. It really is that simple, isn’t it?

  3. Sarcastic Mom

    To be honest, I’d fuck everyone and THEN kill them. I’m already married, and I’d never do that again. I actually LEARN not to do stupid things again.

    Oh, rules. FINE.

    1) Fuck JFK b/c um, yeah. Kill Reagan, b/c um, yeah. Marry Obama by default.
    2) I have to fuck Marty McFly. No question. I have NO OTHER CHOICE but to KILL Rosie O’Donell. Marry Rupaul by default. Sleep with gun under bed.
    3) Marry Kristin Bell by default, b/c Kill Angelina (that bitch wants too many kids) and Fuck Mila Kunis b/c DUH.
    4) Marry Bert & Ernie by default, b/c Fuck Snuffie (LOOK AT THAT THING) and DUH Kill Elmo.

  4. bluepaintred

    1. I’d marry JFK cus he is cute, Fuck Obama cus he is hot, but not long term, and kill Regan cus he is fugly

    2.I’d fuck Micah j fox (Typo but it stays LOL) Cus of the three he is the hottest, marry Rosie cus she would entertain me and take me on cruises, and kill ru paul for being ambiguous.

    3. Kill Kristen and the mila chick whoever they are, and marry AJ so I could fuck her all day long. Then I would sleep an hour and go all night long. At least until the friction burns happened. then I would borrow brad, I’m sure he could make it better, if not, we would all three laugh about Aniston for a few days til I got better and repeat for about EVER.

    4.Dude. those aren’t real people.Though I kinda wonder what Snuffy can do with his trunk…Imagine the hair in the mouth issues though…

    pee ess : I question the truth of the use of the word random in this post.

  5. Jurgen Nation

    I have no answer for these, I just wanted to stop by and thank you for listing me as someone you’d fuck. I feel so…womanly, so alive. If you could do me a favor and create a blog badge that reads, “Avitable Would Fuck Me” that would rock really hard. I still display my “Bangable Blog Babe” badge proudly.

    These moments are some of my most proud.

      • Jurgen Nation

        @Avitable, I hope you do!! Let me know when you’re finished (heh) so I can have my way with it. I don’t think you should stop there, though, oh no, don’t stop, do not stop. I think you should take it all further and keep going. You could erect an “Avitable Fuckability Rating” and spread your seed throughout the Internets. You could retreat into a corner with only yourself the use your hands and imagination for a period of time (it probably wouldn’t take you long) and spit out your own “Fuckable Files” (a play on “Fuck” and “Avitable” AND it’s also sort of a word in its own right) and list the reasons WHY said person (Backpacking Dad, for instance) is fuckable.

        You should totally do this, Avitable, in the way only you can. Do it. Do it hard.

  6. Ashleigh

    Fuck JFK, Marry Obama, kill Reagan.
    Fuck Michael J Fox, Marry RuPaul, Kill Rosie O’Donell
    Fuck Mila Kunis, Marry Kristen Bell, Kill Angelina Jolie. AJ is ugly.
    Marry Elmo, Fuck Snuffy, Kill Bert. Bert creeps me the fuck out.

    Glad to know I’m on your fuck list, woot!

  7. Faiqa

    Marry, fuck or kill:
    *Barack (this should be obvious), JFK (so should this), and I refuse to say that I would kill Ronald Reagan. I think history will prove that he wasn’t totally evil. Plus, I think they’re still sending people to Gitmo.

    *Michael J. Fox, Rosie, RuPaul

    *Angelina Jolie (SKANK?? She’s a UN goodwill ambassador, are you kidding me??), Mila Kunis (raawwr), Kristen Bell (I don’t even know who that is).

    *I would kill all of the last ones.

  8. Hilly

    1. Marry Obama
    Fuck JFK
    Kill Reagan

    *I think JFK was somewhat of a man-whore so that is why Obama wins for the marrying role. Like Faiqa, I’m not comfortable having to kill Ronnie but yanno, it’s a game.

    2. Marry Michael J. Fox
    Fuck Rosie
    Kill RuPaul

    * Not that I want to have sex with Rosie O’Donnell in any way, shape or form. I figure I can just close my eyes and pretend someone else is licking me.

    3. Marry Mila Kunis
    Fuck Kristen Bell
    Kill Angelina Jolie

    * As long as I am killing Angelina, the other two are interchangeable really.

    4. Marry Bert
    Fuck Elmo
    Kill Snuffy

    * I wouldn’t mind being Bert’s beard because he’s a clean freak and can probably hold down a job. I’d fuck Elmo but put a ball gag in his mouth.

  9. Janer

    1. Marry Obama because intelligent and hot, Fuck JFK because … well, he’s JFK, kill Reagan by default.

    2. Marry RuPaul for the entertainment value and the clothes, Fuck Michael J. Fox because I had a thing for Alex Keaton, kill Rosie by default.

    3. Marry Angelina Jolie because she a do-gooder … oh, and she can supply Brad Pitt wherever and whenever, Fuck Mila Kunis because maybe she’d bring her friends Topher, Danny and/or Ashton along,kKill Kristen by default.

    4. Marry Bert for his mind, Fuck Elmo because his sex noises have to be wicked interesting, kill Snuffleupagus by default.

  10. harmzie

    I can’t answer b/c I’m plagued by ambiguity: Like, if you marry, presumably there would be fucking involved, except you’d have to stay interested enough to stick around, and not *eventually* kill them. And couldn’t you just fuck one of them and then kill them because, you know, I’m done with you and this will ensure you leave me alone? The only certainty I have is Rosie. I think that’s obvious. Though, I bet she’d be *angry* in the sack first…

  11. Jay

    This is actually much more complicated than it seems. The more you think about it, the more difficult the decisions get. I would really like to say I would fuck Reagan. Mainly because of his homophobia. Which I’m sure was simply his trying to hide his desire to have General Alexander Haig bend him over the Kennedy desk and nail him. That would leave me with marrying JFK because I’m all about the wealth and power. But, then I would have to kill Obama. Which leaves us with President Biden, and that’s just a bad idea.

    And, choosing between Kristin and Mila? So unfair. I mean, you picked the ONE person in the whole world I would consider marrying over Mila. Asshole.

    And, even though you only put Bert’s name up there, you put a pic of both Bert and Ernie. Does this mean I would actually be a part of a gay thriple? Cause, that would be awesome. Think of the blog fodder!

    Oh okay, here we go..

    Marry JFK, Fuck Obama and Kill Reagan. Denying Ronnie of what he really wants is the best way to go on this.

    Kill Michael J. Fox because he’s a sympathy whore. Marry Rosie because she’s not getting any love here and kill Ru Paul.

    Marry Kristin because my love for her will never fade. Fuck Mila … A LOT!!!! And kill Angelina because she’s disgusting.

    Fuck Bert (and Ernie) and fulfill my thriple dreams. Kill Elmo cause he’s a total perv and marry Snuffle cause I think he’s a great cuddler and will hold me and make it all better when Bert and Ernie dump me.

  12. JD at I Do Things

    This is annoying because I had to open a new window so as to avoid having to scroll up to review each grouping.

    JFK: fuck (probably good in the sack despite back problems)
    RR: kill (obvious)
    BO: marry (I’d get to stalk thru the White House naked and no one could say anything.)

    MF: fuck (I wouldn’t want to be stucked married to him, because . . . you know)
    RD: kill (obvious)
    RP: marry (yes, the clothes, but mostly the wigs)

    (I’m sensing a pattern here.)

    3. (exact same reasons as you gave)
    KB: marry (pattern broken!)
    AJ: kill
    MK: fuck

    B: kill (hate, hate, HATE!)
    S: fuck (DUH! Check out his nose-thing)
    E: marry (only one left)

  13. Secret Agent Mishi

    1) JFK: Fuck (Come on now, if he’s good enough for Marilyn!) RR: Marry (Because he looks good in a cowboy hat and likes guns) BO: Kill (Sorry, it’s the only option; no hard feelings)

    2) MJF: Marry (Alex P. Keaton. I rest my case.) RO: KILL! (Obvious.) RP: Fuck (That would be fun, fun, fun!)

    3) KB: Kill (She was Elle on Heroes and I couldn’t stand the whiny brat.) AJ: Fuck (Repeatedly!) MK: Marry (A girl you could bring home to Ma.)

    4) B: Fuck (I hear he gives good head. Ernie told me.) S: Marry (Slow and steady wins the race.) E: KILL! (Have you heard that God-damned song? I rest my case.)

  14. Amy @ The Bitchin' Wives Club

    I can’t believe you took the time to add every person you follow into a list…. but I am so relieved to be in the fuckable category and not the skull fuck or kill ones. You are so sweet to think of me!!

    And I would totally marry Michael J Fox (talk about marrying someone for the money!), fuck RuPaul because he could do you anyway you wanted, and well, you know where that leaves poor Rosie….

  15. DanjerusKurves

    Fuck Adam because he’s starting to look seriously hot from the weight loss; kill Adam’s wife before she kills me for fucking Adam; marry defense attorney who gets me acquitted. 😉 (This is *so* going to get me in trouble at the Avitable residence!)

  16. Tiffany

    OK. So I’d fuck JFK, Jolie and Snuffie (just cuz he’s got to be hung). I wouldn’t marry a damn one of them, cuz I’ve sworn to never remarry, not even in my head. As far as killing any of them, that requires effort and I rather enjoy being a lazy bum.

  17. martymankins

    Marry Obama, Fuck JFK and Kill Reagan

    Marry Micheal J Fox because he’s Marty, Fuck RuPaul because there’s a chance some of him is a woman and kill Rosie because she needs to be killed.

    Marry Mila, Fuck Kristin and Kill Angelina

    Marry Elmo for the laughter, Fuck Snuffleupagus for the softness of it’s fur and kill Bert because I never liked him.

  18. David

    Fuck Obama, Marry JFK, Kill Regan
    Fuck Michael J. Fox, Marry RuPaul, Kill Rosie O’Donnell
    Fuck Kristen Bell, Marry Mila Kunis, Kill Angelina Jolie
    Fuck Snuffleupagus, Marry Bert, Kill Elmo

    **I found this page searching for “fuck michael j fox”. Thank you for this.

  19. Jen

    1. Marry JFK (have you seen his brothers?)
    2. Fuck Obama
    3. Kill Reagan.

    1.Marry Michael J. Fox. (yum, Marty Mcfly)
    2. Fuck Rosie (Eh, no one else seems to like her)
    3. Kill Rupaul

    1. Marry Mila Kunis
    2. Fuck Kristen
    3. Kill Angelina. (bleh)

    1. Marry Snuffle
    2. Fuck Bert
    3. Kill Elmo ( that laugh would get to me)

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