Top 10 reasons I can't wait to see New Moon
In little more than a week, the sequel to Twilight hits theaters. And amongst the throngs of squealing teens and almost thirty-year old blonde curly-haired women will be me. Here's why:
10. Who doesn't love long, drawn out scenes where people stare longingly?
9. I'm totally on Team Jacob.
8. I'm hoping that Chris Weitz might use his experience with the American Pie films to introduce some pie-fucking into this one.
7. Kristen Stewart makes me feel funny in my pants.
6. Robert Pattinson makes me feel funny in my pants, but only if I let myself admit it.
5. Ninjas.
4. There aren't enough movies about the Pacific Northwest that don't involve whitewater rafting or grizzly bears.
3. Nobody will notice if I "squee" in the theater, due to their own squeeing.
2. I appreciate the wholesome Mormon message of an immortal killer and a monster fighting over the virginity of a young woman.
1. Werewolves make everything more awesome. Except, of course, for a werewolf attack.
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Posted in TV and Movies | Tags: bella, humor, jacob, new moon, stephenie meyer, team edward, team jacob, twilight
I'm psyched! For reals.
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@Amanda, me too. Totes.
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Squeeeee!
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@Pop and Ice, exactly!
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We're done.
I'm not talking to you until you decide to come to Team Edward.
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@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing], Edward's all whiny and pasty.
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@Avitable, no, no, no. He's not whiny and pasty, he's brooding and sparkly. HUGE difference. Go Team Edward! Also, SQUEEEEEEEE but I'll deny it if anyone I know asks.
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"Twilight" was playing while I was trapped on an airplane at 30,000 feet. I only needed 10 minutes before I knew it was a steaming pile of shit… and for me, there was no escape. Except to lock myself in the lavatory and cry because this is what passes for "entertainment" now-a-days.
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@Dave2, you're just too old and cranky for it.
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I agree with all three of the ladies and I bought my ticket last week. I've been counting down for a month now and even posted some great giveaways on my site the other day related to New Moon. I am beyond psyched…I saw a website today that was "claiming" you could watch it online free…now…and I bout shit myself till I realized it was a dead link. Assholes. I'm off to watch Twilight and drift off to sleep and I'm going to re-read New Moon tomorrow while waiting for the kids in the doctor's office for the 4th time.
Ya think I'm just slightly obsessed?
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@TMWW, I should totally rewatch Twilight again.
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Team Edward. Sparkly vampires rock.
Although, Lestat would be rolling over in his sarcophagus.
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@CP, werewolves are so much cooler. And Jacob actually loved her deeply enough to stay around!
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You totally wouldn't be Team Jacob if you'd read the books. He's annoying as all hell. Just sayin.
P.S. You are a good friend. Is she making you go at midnight?
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@Laurie, I read the books when they first came out, thank you very much. And I'm totally Team Jacob all the way. I want to see this movie of my own volition!
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I admire that! I definitely routed for Jacob in New Moon and was pissed at Edward. I am hoping this movie doesn't suck as much as the other one. And I have to drag my husband at midnight. *pout*
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I was surprised to find myself rooting for Jacob in the books. He's a little bit of a twit, and I usually like the vampires (b/c who doesn't like fangs and a little blood sucking?)….but Edward annoys the piss out of me.
Also, ninjas?
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@thepsychobabble, he's a bit sad, but Edward is just annoying!
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My 12 year old daughter turned to me the other day and said, "I like Jacob better than Edward now, because in real life Taylor looks really really hot, but Robert just looks like a douche."
That's my girl…. on Team Jacob with you!
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@Blondefabulous, your girl is smart!
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I knew ninjas would have to make your list! They make everything irresistible, don't they? It's hard to admit enjoying a vacation from the cerebral, but those books/movies are just like Cancun during Spring Break.
So…..I guess I can admit to you that I'll be there too.
Team Edward (shh!)
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@Carolyn, ninjas improve all things. And these books/movies are just mindless fun.
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What happened to the old moon?
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@Grant, they ate it. Because it's made of cheese.
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Team Jacob for the win!
Also, if you fuckers go see this without me, shards of glass will rain down from the sky and there will be no more mayonnaise. Ever.
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@Hilly, hahaha – well, let's schedule the movie day then!
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Kristen Stewart makes me feel funny in my pants too.
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@Shauna, but not Robert Pattinson?
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i loved the books, devouring the entire series in record time, but was terribly disappointed in the movie. regardless, my friends and i already have our plan of attack for new moon…and remind each other every day of the upcoming release date. i'll probably squeeee a bunch, too.
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@hello haha narf, I was so disappointed in the movie too. But! This one has a different director. Hopefully he's read the books and don't completely fuck it up like the other lady.
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@hello haha narf, the movie was fun. And Kristen Stewart was hot!
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Vampire pie fucking. Now that's a fetish I haven't heard of before.
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@Badass Geek, have you ever been to http://www.vampirepiefucking.com? Creepy shit.
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While I liked the books, I hated the movie. Sam and I are going to the pre-screening next week and I'm not expecting much. I'm on Team Jacob too. I love warm & hairy over cold, dead teenager, as you know.
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@Karen Sugarpants, why didn't you like the movie? It was awesome!
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I am so freakin' excited! I love the books and am HOPING that this new director really "gets it" more than that other lady did.
Also? I am sure Robert and Kristen have fucked IRL. Maybe that will reflect in their own screen chemistry.
Annnnnd. I've CLEARLY put too much thought into this.
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@sam {temptingmama}, wow, you're like a stalker!
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Team Jacob? Boo. Vampires are WAY cooler than werewolves. (squee!)
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@JD at I Do Things, werewolves are naked – that's automatically cooler.
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This post makes me want to punch you in your vagina.
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@B.E. Earl, I'm on team Earl!!!
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@B.E. Earl, no vagina boxing!
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Try "Lesbian Vampire Killers". http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1020885/
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@GrandeMocha, ooh, genius!
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Team Jacob? WHAT?!
GAH! I thought I knew you!
And I totally take back my comment about you being a great great man.
PS Completely bummed that I can't go see it until the week after it comes out
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@Sheila (Charm School Reject), a week won't make that much of a difference.
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@Avitable, jerk. Yes it will.
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@Sheila (Charm School Reject), you can come with me to go see it. My treat.
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@Avitable, That's just wrong. Tease.
(Do you see a trend here? I'm going to call you a "mean" name in every comment. It's fun. Yup.)
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Stephanie Meyers has obviously made a deal with Satan. What else would explain otherwise normal and intelligent human beings falling for this crap?
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@Faiqa, Amen, sister.
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@Faiqa, it's fun stuff. You're missing out. Elitist bitch.
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Everyone I know totally dissed and laughed at Twilight and I totally expected myself to hate it, too, but I loved it! And I love Jacob, and the actor who plays him is adorable, but sigh… Team Edward here.
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@cat, why????
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@Avitable, They said the dialogue was painful and cheesy. WHAT-EVAH, H8rz!
My sister and I are going to make t-shirts and go to the movie. Mine will say Team Edward and hers will say Team Jacob.
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laurents eye colour is wrong, i didn't notice until you said it, i assume it's more 'scary' the redd-er option? Laurent is suposed to be thirsty which means his eyes shjould be dark red not a bright orange-red and O.M.F.G how good does taylour look? ABS MUCH? frothing so bad, he's the new rob. yum yum yum yum
books still light years ahead, but the films are improving, love how kirsten said "jake, run!" very well acted.
i'm stoked, SO EXCITIED more taylor please but WTF!!!?? Bella and Laurent meet up in The Meadow not some dry feild! They shouldn't have moved location, Portland looked much better. And also really disappointed that Rachelle Lefevre isnt returning for Eclipse. It wont be the same without her. god!!! I can't wait to watch this film… jacob is hot in here unlike the first one he looked hippie there… This trailer excites me so much
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@Daniel, Wow. Just… Wow.
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@Daniel, those fuckers.
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I really can't top what Earl and Faiqa said.
I am dumbfounded.
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@Sybil Law, c'mon – hot girl and two hot men and vampires and werewolves. How can you go wrong?
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I'd welcome a werewolf attack if it was Jacob doing the attacking. KnowwhatImean? You know Adam.
Team Jacob! Wait…. is that fool legal yet? Hope so.
I also firmly support #8. MY fingers are crossed.
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@Miss, oh yeah. PS I'm kind of a werewolf. I mean, without the tail. Well, there's a tail, it's just not in back.
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All I can think about is that many years down the road, Bella will be a tired middle-aged woman with bleached blond hair and a ciggie hanging out of her mouth and Edward will still be teenager. They'll probably be living in a trailer because it's all they can afford on what she makes waitressing at the diner.
They ought to make a movie about that.
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@Finn, you obviously haven't read all of the books.
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@Avitable, I've not read any of them. And probably will not.
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@Finn, You should! They're like crack, in a good way. Lord.
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@Finn, Thank God. I thought I was the only person left on earth who hadn't read them.
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I didn't see the first one. I know, apparently I am missing out on ALL THE GOOD STUFF.
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@Aunt Becky, yes you are – get thee to a Blockbuster!
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I'm looking forward to this too. Although I enjoyed the first movie because it's always fun to see characters you've read in books come to life on the screen, I admit that the first director was kinda wack-jobby. I'd like to see what a new director can come up with for this book.
But I'm scared to go to the theatre at opening. I think I'll go MUCH later, when my old lady bones won't get stomped on by the crazed teens, etc.
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@Nenette, heh. Old lady bones. That's dirty.
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You've no idea how many times I've been watching a movie and thought to myself, "you know what this movie needs – werewolves mate". So I'm totally with you there.
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@Kevin Spencer, werewolves would have made Titanic MUCH better.
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omg! so totally me too! We should run to Hot Topic, buy some vampire gear and have a New Moon party! SQUEE!!!
excuse me, I have to go shoot myself in the face now….
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@christie, your distaste for it makes me sad.
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@Avitable,
how can you like it?!
Although I do think Edward is hot… it's a good thing he was Cedric in HP and died so he could be a craptastic glowing vampire
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@christie, it's compelling shit! And Kristen Stewart is awesome.
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Robert P makes me feel angry in my pants. And not in a good way. I really wish he would buy a comb.
I suspect I need to re-read the book though…ninjas?
xo
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@Princess of the Universe, well, they're invisible in the book. And stealthy.
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You suck – Edward RAWKS coz he's all HAWT and SESSY like that… I KNOW he makes you feel all funny in your pants, you kitteh-woman. Next year, I'm gonna carve them all on pumpkins, just for you. xox
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@Grumble Girl, yes, he's hawt. But he's no Jacob.
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@Avitable, Does this mean your vote is for a Jacob pumpkin? I'm carving one more, and it's either Jacob or Edward – you get a vote… carving tomorrow.
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@Grumble Girl, totally vote for a Jacob one.
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i have yet to watch the first one, or read any of the books…
does that make me very manly, or gay?
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@Slyde, very gay in a manly way.
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Jacob is totally a wannabe date rapist.
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@Maria, *gasp* – Jacob hater!! /points finger accusingly
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I I am a bit disappointed in you being on Team Jacob! Edward makes me feel a little funny iin my pants too.(Oh my God, I can't believe I admitted that here!!) I am going to wait a few days to go see it and go to a late showing because when I went to Twilight the teeny boppers screamed every single time Edward came on the screen and I had to refrain from telling them to shut the fuck up.
ps Feeling a bit shite lately and this blog has managed to have me in stiches laughing, you mad fucker you!!
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@J from Ireland, Edward is cold. Jacob is warm and fuzzy, emotionally and literally!
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You should wear this shirt to the movie. I bet you get some elbow room that way.
http://www.clutchtees.com/I-Fuck-on-The-First-Date-Shirt.html
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@Hockeyman, how'd you know I own that shirt?
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Ugh, not you too!
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@Elizabeth Kaylene, yup. Me too!
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I have to admit i'm something of a loser. I read the first book last week and started on New Moon this morning. I don't know why I like them because they relate in no way whatsoever to my life. But, I like the books. I don't know anything about the plot yet though.
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@Keith Wilcox, there's not much plot. It's still good, though – you just can't stop reading them!
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Jacob who?
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@Lisa, bah!
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