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Top 10 reasons I can’t wait to see New Moon

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In little more than a week, the sequel to Twilight hits theaters. And amongst the throngs of squealing teens and almost thirty-year old blonde curly-haired women will be me. Here’s why:

10. Who doesn’t love long, drawn out scenes where people stare longingly?
9. I’m totally on Team Jacob.
8. I’m hoping that Chris Weitz might use his experience with the American Pie films to introduce some pie-fucking into this one.
7. Kristen Stewart makes me feel funny in my pants.
6. Robert Pattinson makes me feel funny in my pants, but only if I let myself admit it.
5. Ninjas.
4. There aren’t enough movies about the Pacific Northwest that don’t involve whitewater rafting or grizzly bears.
3. Nobody will notice if I “squee” in the theater, due to their own squeeing.
2. I appreciate the wholesome Mormon message of an immortal killer and a monster fighting over the virginity of a young woman.
1. Werewolves make everything more awesome. Except, of course, for a werewolf attack.

97 thoughts on “Top 10 reasons I can’t wait to see New Moon”

  1. “Twilight” was playing while I was trapped on an airplane at 30,000 feet. I only needed 10 minutes before I knew it was a steaming pile of shit… and for me, there was no escape. Except to lock myself in the lavatory and cry because this is what passes for “entertainment” now-a-days.

  2. I agree with all three of the ladies and I bought my ticket last week. I’ve been counting down for a month now and even posted some great giveaways on my site the other day related to New Moon. I am beyond psyched…I saw a website today that was “claiming” you could watch it online free…now…and I bout shit myself till I realized it was a dead link. Assholes. I’m off to watch Twilight and drift off to sleep and I’m going to re-read New Moon tomorrow while waiting for the kids in the doctor’s office for the 4th time.

    Ya think I’m just slightly obsessed?

  3. I was surprised to find myself rooting for Jacob in the books. He’s a little bit of a twit, and I usually like the vampires (b/c who doesn’t like fangs and a little blood sucking?)….but Edward annoys the piss out of me.
    Also, ninjas?

  4. My 12 year old daughter turned to me the other day and said, “I like Jacob better than Edward now, because in real life Taylor looks really really hot, but Robert just looks like a douche.”

    That’s my girl…. on Team Jacob with you!

  5. I knew ninjas would have to make your list! They make everything irresistible, don’t they? It’s hard to admit enjoying a vacation from the cerebral, but those books/movies are just like Cancun during Spring Break.

    So…..I guess I can admit to you that I’ll be there too.

    Team Edward (shh!)

  6. i loved the books, devouring the entire series in record time, but was terribly disappointed in the movie. regardless, my friends and i already have our plan of attack for new moon…and remind each other every day of the upcoming release date. i’ll probably squeeee a bunch, too.

  7. I am so freakin’ excited! I love the books and am HOPING that this new director really “gets it” more than that other lady did.

    Also? I am sure Robert and Kristen have fucked IRL. Maybe that will reflect in their own screen chemistry.

    Annnnnd. I’ve CLEARLY put too much thought into this.

  8. Everyone I know totally dissed and laughed at Twilight and I totally expected myself to hate it, too, but I loved it! And I love Jacob, and the actor who plays him is adorable, but sigh… Team Edward here.

      1. @Avitable, They said the dialogue was painful and cheesy. WHAT-EVAH, H8rz!

        My sister and I are going to make t-shirts and go to the movie. Mine will say Team Edward and hers will say Team Jacob.

  9. laurents eye colour is wrong, i didn’t notice until you said it, i assume it’s more ‘scary’ the redd-er option? Laurent is suposed to be thirsty which means his eyes shjould be dark red not a bright orange-red and O.M.F.G how good does taylour look? ABS MUCH? frothing so bad, he’s the new rob. yum yum yum yum
    books still light years ahead, but the films are improving, love how kirsten said “jake, run!” very well acted.

    i’m stoked, SO EXCITIED more taylor please but WTF!!!?? Bella and Laurent meet up in The Meadow not some dry feild! They shouldn’t have moved location, Portland looked much better. And also really disappointed that Rachelle Lefevre isnt returning for Eclipse. It wont be the same without her. god!!! I can’t wait to watch this film… jacob is hot in here unlike the first one he looked hippie there… This trailer excites me so much

  10. I’d welcome a werewolf attack if it was Jacob doing the attacking. KnowwhatImean? You know Adam.

    Team Jacob! Wait…. is that fool legal yet? Hope so.

    I also firmly support #8. MY fingers are crossed.

  11. All I can think about is that many years down the road, Bella will be a tired middle-aged woman with bleached blond hair and a ciggie hanging out of her mouth and Edward will still be teenager. They’ll probably be living in a trailer because it’s all they can afford on what she makes waitressing at the diner.

    They ought to make a movie about that.

  12. I’m looking forward to this too. Although I enjoyed the first movie because it’s always fun to see characters you’ve read in books come to life on the screen, I admit that the first director was kinda wack-jobby. I’d like to see what a new director can come up with for this book.
    But I’m scared to go to the theatre at opening. I think I’ll go MUCH later, when my old lady bones won’t get stomped on by the crazed teens, etc.

  13. I I am a bit disappointed in you being on Team Jacob! Edward makes me feel a little funny iin my pants too.(Oh my God, I can’t believe I admitted that here!!) I am going to wait a few days to go see it and go to a late showing because when I went to Twilight the teeny boppers screamed every single time Edward came on the screen and I had to refrain from telling them to shut the fuck up.
    ps Feeling a bit shite lately and this blog has managed to have me in stiches laughing, you mad fucker you!!

  14. I have to admit i’m something of a loser. I read the first book last week and started on New Moon this morning. I don’t know why I like them because they relate in no way whatsoever to my life. But, I like the books. I don’t know anything about the plot yet though.

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