In little more than a week, the sequel to Twilight hits theaters. And amongst the throngs of squealing teens and almost thirty-year old blonde curly-haired women will be me. Here’s why:
10. Who doesn’t love long, drawn out scenes where people stare longingly?
9. I’m totally on Team Jacob.
8. I’m hoping that Chris Weitz might use his experience with the American Pie films to introduce some pie-fucking into this one.
7. Kristen Stewart makes me feel funny in my pants.
6. Robert Pattinson makes me feel funny in my pants, but only if I let myself admit it.
4. There aren’t enough movies about the Pacific Northwest that don’t involve whitewater rafting or grizzly bears.
3. Nobody will notice if I “squee” in the theater, due to their own squeeing.
2. I appreciate the wholesome Mormon message of an immortal killer and a monster fighting over the virginity of a young woman.
1. Werewolves make everything more awesome. Except, of course, for a werewolf attack.