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I’m thankful . . .

  • that Emma Watson is of legal age so that now I don’t feel quite so dirty.
  • for my friends who keep me humble.
  • that there’s a show like Glee on the air.
  • that the road of my life has had very few speed bumps or potholes.
  • for the layer of hair that keeps me insulated.
  • that I’ve experienced the feelings, emotions, and events that I have.
  • for Double Stuf Oreos and Chick Fil-A, even if they’re closed on Sundays.
  • that I can make people laugh.
  • that I never got arrested for streaking or flashing or a JIWD (Jerking It While Driving).
  • for you. And you and you and all of you too.
  • that I don’t have to clean my own house, because that shit is horrible.
  • that I am my own man.
  • that I can’t actually suck my own dick, because I’d never leave my room and probably die from malnutrition after like a month.
  • for boobs. I mean, c’mon. They’re pretty awesome!

What makes you thankful?

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69 Replies to “Thankful”

  1. Jurgen Nation

    Nilla Wafers; down comforters and rainy days (I’m pretty sure that’s a Carpenters song); the internets, our blogging community who kick serious ass and internet chums, without whom I don’t know where or who I would be; my family; that I’m healthy. Also, funny mothafuckas. And cookies.

  2. tracey

    I wonder though: if you COULD suck your own dick, would it honestly feel as good? It’s kind of like tickling yourself, you know? I mean, masturbation is great and all, but part of the fun of sex is NOT KNOWING what’s going to happen next…

  3. pixielation

    I will be thankful in about 24 hours, when the image of your pentultimate reason for being thankful is erased from my mind.

    Although hopefully, as I’ve forgotten about it, I won’t remember what I was being thankful about.

  4. Out-Numbered

    Why would you die of malnutrition? Semen Smoothie. Every time I visit this site, I feel like Pee Wee Herman or George Michael. BTW, I needed to google the spelling of semen and I feel good about that. Happy turkey day bro. Don’t stick your dick in the bird.

  5. Hilly

    The list would be too long but I will start with Junkies (heh), Homer Simpson, friends who make me laugh so hard that I have to run to Tinkle Town before I destroy my panties, ex husbands finally texting that they’ve sent me a check, finding out that a super nerd thinks I’m a wee bit geeky, little blonds who take me into their family, new friends who make me feel child-like during some dark days, pharmacy techs, mochi balls, witty repartee, and the power to move you (that’s telekinesis, Kyle).

    Surface – I just scratched it. I am feeling more thankful this year than I have in a long long time and it makes me feel good.

  6. Sybil Law

    I am thankful for family, friends, health, ponies, rainbows…
    (This is hard when you’re raging with PMS and some ass dropped their KIDS – plural – off at your house a full hour earlier than they said they were going to…)
    … my relative patience, cooked turkeys…
    I give up. Those kids are killing me right now.
    I am thankful for you, though. <3

  7. Marta

    Until two days ago I would have said I was thankful for my friends and family. I still am, but as of yesterday I’m also thankful that the parole board did not fall for my ex husband’s lies! Now I’m looking forward to the holidays!

  8. Hockeymandad

    You should have started the list with boobs, then you would not even need to finish the list because we would have guessed all those other items just from that.

    Although, as much as I like the boobies, I am thankful I’m not a woman. After seeing 2 child births and all the 40 weeks of pregnancy, plus the annuals and monthly deals women get, I am very thankful I got a Y. I can’t imagine not being to pee wherever I feel like it and not even have to drop my pants to do it cleanly.

  9. Finn

    Some other people (friends).
    A roof over my head.
    Food in my belly.
    Love in my heart.
    Being loved by others.
    Chocolate-covered strawberries.
    Chik-Fil-A (even if they’re closed on Sundays).
    My Tempurpedic mattress.
    Internet shopping.
    Health insurance.
    My Mini.
    Some more people (family).

    There’s more, but I have work to do. Oh, yeah: my job!

  10. Jen

    Good bras, my kids, my husband, the rest of my pain in the ass family, the babies kicking around in my tummy that are going to let me afford a trip to Disney World, fresh baked chocolate chip cookies, the fact that my mother-in-law lives nearly 2 hours away, tweezers, lube and juicy pear flavored jelly beans.

    That’s about it.

  11. Kim

    I’m thankful…

    . that I successfully defended my dissertation Monday night (finally!)
    . that my husband didn’t leave me before it was over (things got pretty hairy toward the end)
    . that I have a secure, good-paying job in the awful economy (even if I hate it)
    . for my kids, all 4 of whom are healthy (physically anyway, emotionally, I wonder sometimes)
    . for your blog (even if it means viewing your balls from time to time).

    Happy Thanksgiving, Adam!

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