As you may have heard, the mom from Family Ties, Meredith Baxter, has come out of the closet. She was apparently out for many years in the small, private town of Los Angeles and has only made this a public announcement recently. As it should be, she’s received overwhelming support, especially since most of her peers and all of her friends already knew. Here are a few of the other surprise announcements that will be coming out of Hollywood in the near future:
- Gary Coleman is short.
- Kanye West is rude.
- Tila Tequila is a whore.
- Tyra Banks is crazy.
- Angelina Jolie likes babies.
- Woody Allen is Jewish.
- Larry King is old.
- Meryl Streep is ugly.
- Charlie Sheen is douchey.
- The Office is awkward and painful to watch.
- Keira Knightley has tiny boobs.
- Chris Brown is a vile person.
- Rosie O’Donnell is a man.
- Tom Cruise is fuuuucked up.
- Tom Hanks sold his soul to the devil.
- Matthew McConaughey smokes pot.
- Sarah Silverman is fucking Matt Damon.
- John Candy was fat.
- The Coreys are desperate.
- Michael Bay has a small penis.
Ways that Larry King can go out with a bang
Unanswered Questions (stolen shamelessly from Tosh.0)
My interview with Robert Novak from Crossfire
Nicolas Cage is broke.
Kevin Spacey is gay.
Brad Pitt wears a hair piece.
Kim Kardashian breaks world record for biggest ass and we’re not talking anatomy.
Paris Hilton has an IQ of 20.
Elin Nordegren has a great swing, given a good set of clubs.
Reply
@Undomestic Diva, you don’t think Brad’s hair is real?
Reply
Twitter: www.mom2nji.blogspot.com
says:
Miley Cyrus is not a virgin.
Lil Wayne smokes weed.
Charlie Sheen is not only douchey, but also wear a hair piece.
Sports stars screw around a LOT.
Reply
@Jenni/mom2nji, how did you know about my secret affair with Miley Cyrus?
Reply
Lindsay Lohan is a genius.
David Hasselhoff is sober.
Michael J. Fox is as steady as a rock.
Wait…I think I’m doing this wrong.
Reply
@B.E. Earl, had to go there with Marty McFly, didja?
Reply
Twitter: Amanda234
says:
She looks like a gym teacher
Reply
@Amanda, she’s like who Sue Snyder is based on.
Reply
Sarah Silverman is fucking not Matt Damon.
Reply
@SingleParentDad, are you disparaging Sarah Silverman? Them’s fighting words.
Reply
@Avitable, No way, I heart her, if ‘heart’ means wanting to bash her with my love truncheon. I was just pointing out she looks nothing like Matt Damon.
Reply
@SingleParentDad, true. You’ll have to fight me for her, though.
Reply
@Avitable, OK. Will ready my truncheon.
Reply
You forgot one.
Adam Avitable makes for a better Playgirl centerfold than Levi Johnston.
Reply
@Badass Geek, oh, well, yes.
Reply
Onerous outings and other obscure observations.
Reply
@avatgardener, pfft. You’re being lazy with this one!
Reply
Twitter: s_csr
says:
I must respectfully disagree with your assessment of The Office.
Ass.
Amanda is totally right though…..MB looks like a gym teacher.
Reply
@Sheila (Charm School Reject), I didn’t say I didn’t like it. It’s awkward as hell and painful to watch, but it’s hysterical. It’s one of my favorite shows!
Reply
Ha ha. I just skimmed through the comments… I had no idea Pitt and Sheen wore hair pieces! You learn something new everyday!!
Reply
@cat, this blog is a fount of knowledge.
Reply
I agree on the Office.
Reply
@Grant, see, I love The Office, but I revel in its awkwardness and painful situations.
Reply
Hahahaha! Hahahahaha!
You’re really in the know.
ps. I don’t know who Michael Bay is, but now I don’t even care to. Thanks for the heads up on that!
Reply
@Piper of Love, how do you not know who Michael Bay is? The guy has directed some of the biggest movies ever – Armageddon, Bad Boys II, Transformers I and II, Pearl Harbor, etc.
Apparently, half of the people who commented after you don’t know who he is either?
Reply
Yeah – who the hell is Michael Bay?
Reply
@Sybil Law, sigh. See my reply to Piper above.
Reply
@Avitable, There ya go. I don’t care usually who directs movies, unless they suck big time or I happen to see them on a show or something. Plus, I barely ever see movies, anyway.
Do you watch the Oscars, sitting on the edge of your seat the whole time, too?
Reply
Twitter: msmegan
says:
I third that: Who IS Michael Bay and how do you know his penis is small? And why should I care?
Reply
@Finn, sigh. See my reply to Piper above.
Reply
Twitter: msmegan
on December 7th, 2009 at Monday, December 7, 2009 @ 6:27 pm
@Avitable, OK. Now I sort of know who he is, but you didn’t answer my other two questions…
Reply
Hey – if you’d been married to David Birney – you’d be gay, too.
Reply
@lceel, it’s true!
Reply
Anyone who wants to diss Kevin Spacey should come meet me outside after 3:00.
Reply
@Robin, you do know that he’s actually gay, right? I mean, you can still love him! He just loves cock.
Reply
@Avitable, I will love him no matter what but he’s never come out to say one way or the other so I respect his privacy.
Reply
Yeah, man. Why are you hating on The Office?
Reply
@Kellee, I’m not! I love it. I love the awkwardness and painfulness!
Reply
I agree with your assessment of The Office.
Reply
@metalmom, I don’t think you do. I love the show.
Reply
Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
now i gotta google this little dicked dude. thanks for that…
Reply
@hello haha narf, he’s one of the biggest directors in movies today. Sigh.
Reply
Anyone who hasn’t seen the “Sarah Silverman is fucking Matt Damon” video needs to Google That Shit.
Reply
@Ren, agreed. I’m going to rewatch it right now!
Reply
I also agree with your comment about The Office. I am always telling my husband that I just cannot relate with this show. I really believe there isn’t a person on earth as stupid/douchey/naive as the “Michael Scott” character. It makes me cringe to watch, and I usually don’t. He still considers himself a fan.
Over the weekend he told me that he watched the latest episode off of our DVR. He said that he was the most uncomfortable he has ever been watching it, and that he felt sick by the premise of that character having to tell children he promised college scholarships to that he was not following through because he didn’t have the money. My husband said he wanted to fast forward through the episode because it was so disheartening and cruel.
That is just not comedy to me. Maybe I am a little too sensitive. I don’t know. Your list was funnier by far, IMHO.
Reply
@Laurie, well, I’ve worked with people as obnoxious/stupid/douchey as Michael Scott. And I love The Office. It’s one of my favorite shows. It’s so uncomfortable and awkward that I cover my eyes sometimes, but I love it.
Reply
Twitter: laurie_pooh
on December 7th, 2009 at Monday, December 7, 2009 @ 7:16 pm
@Avitable, To each their own. I know I am in the vast minority. I know tons of people who also love it, and yet we somehow still get along.
And REALLY? Did you like these people who were Michael Scott-esque in real life? I am dying to know.
Reply
The Coreys may be desperate, but I still have to love them. And Lost Boys 2 definitely sucked, but at least Feldman didn’t have to learn many new lines, since his dialouge was almost verbatim from 20 years ago.
Reply
@Corey, I never saw Lost Boys 2. I think I’m glad I didn’t.
Reply
Apparently I missed where you said something bad about The Office.
Reply
@Clown, exactly. Anal sex with homeless men is awkward and painful, but it doesn’t mean I don’t love it!
Reply
Chuckling at some of the comments then I was all, “wait, there was a Lost Boys 2″? How did I miss that? I’m sure it will be a total trainwreck but must watch regardless.
Reply
@Kevin Spencer, yeah, I think I’ll skip it.
Reply
I don’t know why anyone is surprised by this. Her three failed marriages suggest that heterosexuality wasn’t exactly working out for her.
Reply
@Britney Bennett, this is true.
Reply
Holy crap the Coreys…Now I must go watch Dream a Little Dream!
Reply
@BugginWord, hahaha – a little reminiscence is always good.
Reply
Thank goodness there are other people who think The Office is both embarrassing and lame. Guess there’s another use for the phrase “the few; the proud.”
Reply
@Poppy Buxom, well, sigh, I think it’s awkward and painful and hilarious. I love it.
Reply
Twitter: mooshinindy
says:
don’t forget that neil diamond only sings christmas songs for profit.
Reply
Twitter: poppycede
says:
Meryl Streep is NOT ugly. hmph.
Reply
Twitter: themuskrat
says:
And, Janet Reno stands to pee.
Reply
You are hilarious!
As usual!
But… The Office is awkward and painful to watch? No…. no!!! It’s awesome and funny! Well, the first few seasons were great, this year, meh… not that awesome, although last week’s episode was good! (And are you talking about the British Office or US Office?)
And… Tom Hanks? Sweetie-pie, can do no wrong Tom Hanks? Aww… he did not sell his soul to the devil!
Reply