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Meredith Baxter-Birney is a lesbian and other surprises

Baxter.Meredith.120209As you may have heard, the mom from Family Ties, Meredith Baxter, has come out of the closet. She was apparently out for many years in the small, private town of Los Angeles and has only made this a public announcement recently. As it should be, she’s received overwhelming support, especially since most of her peers and all of her friends already knew. Here are a few of the other surprise announcements that will be coming out of Hollywood in the near future:

  • Gary Coleman is short.
  • Kanye West is rude.
  • Tila Tequila is a whore.
  • Tyra Banks is crazy.
  • Angelina Jolie likes babies.
  • Woody Allen is Jewish.
  • Larry King is old.
  • Meryl Streep is ugly.
  • Charlie Sheen is douchey.
  • The Office is awkward and painful to watch.
  • Keira Knightley has tiny boobs.
  • Chris Brown is a vile person.
  • Rosie O’Donnell is a man.
  • Tom Cruise is fuuuucked up.
  • Tom Hanks sold his soul to the devil.
  • Matthew McConaughey smokes pot.
  • Sarah Silverman is fucking Matt Damon.
  • John Candy was fat.
  • The Coreys are desperate.
  • Michael Bay has a small penis.

63 thoughts on “Meredith Baxter-Birney is a lesbian and other surprises”

  1. Nicolas Cage is broke.
    Kevin Spacey is gay.
    Brad Pitt wears a hair piece.
    Kim Kardashian breaks world record for biggest ass and we’re not talking anatomy.
    Paris Hilton has an IQ of 20.
    Elin Nordegren has a great swing, given a good set of clubs.

    1. @Piper of Love, how do you not know who Michael Bay is? The guy has directed some of the biggest movies ever – Armageddon, Bad Boys II, Transformers I and II, Pearl Harbor, etc.

      Apparently, half of the people who commented after you don’t know who he is either?

      1. @Avitable, There ya go. I don’t care usually who directs movies, unless they suck big time or I happen to see them on a show or something. Plus, I barely ever see movies, anyway.
        Do you watch the Oscars, sitting on the edge of your seat the whole time, too? 😛

  2. I also agree with your comment about The Office. I am always telling my husband that I just cannot relate with this show. I really believe there isn’t a person on earth as stupid/douchey/naive as the “Michael Scott” character. It makes me cringe to watch, and I usually don’t. He still considers himself a fan.

    Over the weekend he told me that he watched the latest episode off of our DVR. He said that he was the most uncomfortable he has ever been watching it, and that he felt sick by the premise of that character having to tell children he promised college scholarships to that he was not following through because he didn’t have the money. My husband said he wanted to fast forward through the episode because it was so disheartening and cruel.

    That is just not comedy to me. Maybe I am a little too sensitive. I don’t know. Your list was funnier by far, IMHO.

    1. @Laurie, well, I’ve worked with people as obnoxious/stupid/douchey as Michael Scott. And I love The Office. It’s one of my favorite shows. It’s so uncomfortable and awkward that I cover my eyes sometimes, but I love it.

      1. @Avitable, To each their own. I know I am in the vast minority. I know tons of people who also love it, and yet we somehow still get along.

        And REALLY? Did you like these people who were Michael Scott-esque in real life? I am dying to know.

  3. The Coreys may be desperate, but I still have to love them. And Lost Boys 2 definitely sucked, but at least Feldman didn’t have to learn many new lines, since his dialouge was almost verbatim from 20 years ago.

  4. You are hilarious! 🙂 As usual!
    But… The Office is awkward and painful to watch? No…. no!!! It’s awesome and funny! Well, the first few seasons were great, this year, meh… not that awesome, although last week’s episode was good! (And are you talking about the British Office or US Office?)
    And… Tom Hanks? Sweetie-pie, can do no wrong Tom Hanks? Aww… he did not sell his soul to the devil!

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