Categorically Uncategorized

Have you been naughty or nice?

It’s almost Christmas, and Santa has been checking his list, trying to see who’s getting coal and who’s not. It’s also time to steal a page from Snackie’s book, and open up the comments for HOLIDAY CONFESSIONS!

Did you ever steal someone’s present? Have you regifted? Have you ever masturbated into the punch at the company party?

You can confess whatever holiday-related (or not) sin you want, no matter how small or how momentous. Confess something that you’d never post on your own blog – you don’t have to worry about your readers seeing it here. Confess something that you’ve just wanted to get off of your chest. Confess something that you don’t really care about. If you want to leave your comment anonymously, make sure to change your email address, too, so that Gravatar doesn’t pick up your avatar.

I’ll start:

Confession #1: I have, on occasion, given presents to people that increased in value depending on how much I liked them.

Confession #2: One year, I, along with a few friends, roamed our neighborhood and the neighborhood next to ours and pulled out a few random bulbs on people’s lights, causing all their lights to go out, stole candy canes or lighted bulbs that lined their walkways, and broke the floating lit up Christmas trees in the lake. I feel bad every time I think about it.

Confession #3: I figured out that there was no Santa when I was four, and I always delighted in the fact that my brother and sister took much, much longer to figure it out.

Confession #4: I would consider converting to Judaism just for the potato latkes.

Okay, it’s your turn. Let’s hear it!

38 thoughts on “Have you been naughty or nice?”

  1. You don’t need to convert; I’ll send you a latke recipe, if you want. Also: I didn’t plagiarize the “confession” post idea! Swearsies! Does yours have Stephen Colbert and soy sauce? NO, I DO NOT THINK SO.

  2. Growing up I always peeked at my presents because I don’t like surprises and like to be prepared. Knowledge beforehand meant my mother was rarely angered by my disappointment.

    Regifting: I use to make handcrafted Christmas ornaments each year. One year someone regifted to me an ornament I had made for them. I smile every time I think about it.

  3. My VVFF and I once “called in sick” to Christmas when in reality, we’d already high-tailed our asses up to a cabin in Lake Tahoe for the week. Yeah, we waited until Christmas Eve to say we were sick because we were douches for some odd reason.

  4. Also? I’d probably never marry a Jewish person that was heavily steeped in his beliefs simply because Christmas and what it symbolizes for me religiously is very important to me. There, I said it.

  5. I don’t see a problem with spending more on someone the more you like them. I think that’s something just about everyone does.

    And potato latkes rule! Good thing there is no religious reason why a Gentile like myself can’t eat them.

  6. 1. After years of being being forced to play organ at church every Sunday like the good all-girls’ Catholic high school girl I pretended to be, the last time I went to church was Christmas… 8 years ago.

    2. I didn’t send out Christmas cards last year because I wanted to see who was sending me Christmas cards just because they wanted to and not because I sent them one first.

    3. I’m sending out Christmas cards this year to make those who didn’t send me one last year feel guilty. Call me Ms. Passive-Aggressive.

    4. I get an evil pleasure from sending Christmas cards to everyone in my family, except my parents.

    ps – hey, email me your mailing address so I can mail you a Christmas card — and you don’t even have to send me one back. 😉

  7. I regift all over the place. It’s what Jesus would’ve wanted.

    And when I was a kid, I used to go thru the presents in my parents’ closet before they were wrapped. I found a “Chrissy” doll and played with her, breaking her in the process. My mom told me — and I quote: “You ruined Christmas.” I was 7.

    I think my mom needs to do some confessing.

  8. We totally did the light bulb thing too!! I still have some random glasses (stolen from the post-light bulb stealing trip to IHOP… OF COURSE) full of the bulbs in my room at my parents’ house! I considered it a much more intelligent and hysterical form of vandalism than the true thugs who would just rip down the Christmas lights.

  9. Wait.You figured out there was no Santa at 4?!

    Fuck. Now I have to re-wrap gifts so Santa doesn’t have the same paper as Mommy and Daddy.

    Thanks for the warning, fucker.

    My confession: I’ve been a shitty friend this year. Never was it intentional, but sometimes I just get overzealous because I am so fiercely loyal to my friends. Other times? I just suck and don’t return phone call.

  10. I sent someone an xmas e-card just to see if I would get the e-mail confirmation back to see if she had changed her e-mail addy and forgotten to tell me, or if she was just using me when I had money and skills to offer her and had now decided to conveniently forget me since I currently have nothing to offer but my friendship. (note – it was the latter) (also note – if you get a Wrongcard from me then I genuinely like you, but if it’s from American Greetings then I don’t seriously consider you to be a friend)

  11. 1. I want to regift sometimes, but the gifts I want to get rid of are usually just too cheap-looking and I don’t want people to think I actually picked that out.

    2. I wish people would just write me a nice card rather than give me a gift that is crappy and/or useless to me.

    3. I suck at the Christmas card thing. Each year I want to send them out to everyone with a great photo of Lil’ M, but so far it’s a big, fat FAIL.

    4. I didn’t get gifts for my coworkers this year and feel awful that they gave me things (and this time it’s good stuff too).

  12. 1. I get a nervous sick to my stomach feeling every major holiday, worrying and wondering if my siblings will all manage to get along without a knockdown drag out fight.

    2. I have never re-gifted.

    3. I had a really good confession and forgot what it was by the time I read through all of the comments and was ready to type mine.

  13. I don’t send out cards. Haven’t since the first year we were married. I never remember in time.

    I wait to get a tree until I notice that the lots are looking pretty sparse. I’m not a fan of pine needles, and theman is not a fan of fake. This is our version of a compromise.

    I actually considered writing a holiday letter from time to time, but decided my relatives probably wouldn’t truly appreciate it.

  14. Damn! How many skeletons do you people think I have?
    Anyway, I have re -gifted. Someone else already said it, but when someone gives you a gift and you had no intentions on giving them one, well – that’s when re -gifting is necessary!
    Other than that, my biggest concern at Christmas is that I can never, ever give my mom a gift worthy of her. That just makes me sad.

  15. 1. I spent about 1/3 as much on my in-law’s Christmas presents as I did on my parents even though my husband and I had agreed ahead of time to spend an equal amount on each. (Sorry dude, when I do the shopping, the people I like get better gifts than those I don’t.)

    2. At my family’s cookie swap this year I was supposed to divide my cookies into equal piles for everyone. I did but then I took about twice as many of my own kind than I gave anyone else. I am powerless against peanut butter cookies. Also I’m pregnant so back off!

    3. I throw away Christmas cards as soon as I get them because I hate the clutter.

  16. 1. I have taken ugly gifts to Goodwill still half-way wrapped.
    2. I go to a Christmas party every year hosted by people I really don’t like but the food and drinks are always amazing. We leave as soon as we’re tanked.
    3. I have returned worn accessories and old items on the day after Christmas when stores take back everything to cut down on lines.
    4. As a new employee I very competively ruined an long-running relaxed office Secret Santa game by making everyone uptight with the barrage of questions I issued until I figured out everyone’s Santa. They called the whole thing off the following year. Then I quit.

  17. Might be a little late, but when I was in college I stole a baby Jesus from a manger scene that was set up in the student center. And then we sent ransom notes to the student center with pictures of the baby Jesus around the town. Then I put him on the dashboard of my car and he sat there for a while. Jesus also made a trip to San Diego. And every time I see a manger scene now I get a little itch and want to get a Jesus. Oh and I told my mother that I was Jesus’ savior. But sadly after multiple moves I have no idea where Baby J is now. It’s sad. I’ve failed him as his savior.

Leave a Reply