First, there was Twitter throughout history. Then there was more Twitter throughout history.
And now we have even more!
Twitter, for those of you ancient ones who think sexting is putting things in groups of six, is a microblogging site where people can tell the world what they’re doing, reply to other people who are saying what they’re doing, and enjoy a global nonstop conversation. It’s been around for a little over two years, and there are politicians, corporations, and celebrities using it alongside us common folk.
But what if Twitter had been around for longer?
RPolanski Who wants to share a ‘ludes and champagne cocktail and then have nsa sex?
7:42 PM Mar 10th, 1977 from BBSImThirt33n @RPolanski I’ll meet you in Jack’s bedroom.
7:44 PM Mar 10th, 1977 from BBS in reply to @RPolanski
HonestAbe I don’t want to go to the theater tonight. I’d rather go to bed early. #WinkWink
1:03 PM Apr 14, 1865 from telegraphMTLincoln @HonestAbe Ummm, I have a headache.
1:06 PM Apr 14, 1865 from telegraph in reply to @HonestAbe
Prometheus I have eight invites from Fire. DM me if you want one.
9:54 AM Aug 10, -4000 from messenger
Meriwether101 Is hanging out with a smoking hot chick. Wish me luck, tweeps!
6:15 PM Nov 4, 1804 from pony expressWilliamTheClarky @Meriwether101 I called dibs first. Don’t break the bro code.
6:17 PM Nov 4, 1804 from pony express in reply to @Meriwether101Sacagawea @Meriwether101 @WilliamTheClarky, I only like black dudes.
6:19 PM Nov 4, 1804 from pony express in reply to @Meriwether101
JMan My hands are fucking killing me.
6:00 PM Feb 20th, 32 from messengerPeter @JMan You’re hanging from a cross, how the hell are you tweeting?
6:06 PM Feb 20th, 32 from messenger in reply to @JMan
EdithFinkelstein Oy, these new ballots are so confusing. I can’t tell if I did it right or not!
2:57 PM Nov 7th, 2000 from webRNCVolunteer @EdithFinkelstein, Oh, it doesn’t matter – what’s one little vote?
3:18 PM Nov 7th, 2000 from web in reply to @EdithFinkelstein
Enjoy this post? Try these:RebelWoutCause It’s a beautiful day for a drive. Think I’ll take the Spyder out.
5:12 PM Sep 30th, 1955 from telegraph
More Twitter throughout history
The Worst Twitter Party Ever
If we always had Twitter
You had me at Prometheus. Then I read the JMan tweet and totally snorted.
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@Becky, snorting is always good.
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the jman made me giggle but the james dean one made me kinda sad
(
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@bluepaintred, why? You didn’t know him and he died well before you were even born!
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“Twitter, for those of you ancient ones who think sexting is putting things in groups of six”
I snorted before you, Becky (above) — funny dude.
I am assuming you have seen http://historicaltweets.com/ hmmm?
you should submit some of yours!
Moon
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@Moon HalloranLeady, I wouldn’t submit mine because they become the property of that site.
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Twitter: _scifidad_
says:
I LOLed at the JMan one, then had to explain to my daughter why I did.
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@SciFi Dad, as long as I get to corrupt your kids a little, I’m okay with that.
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Twitter: Kapgar
says:
Awesome!
Have you read the Star Wars Facebook status streams yet?
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@kapgar, yeah, I wish I had thought of that.
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Twitter: nualathewriter
says:
Oh my lordy, I would love to know what your brain does on copious amounts of wine if this is you ‘normal’. Good god you’re funny. That read like a Robot Chicken sketch, slightly innapropriate in the best possible way. Hee hee.
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@Bellawriter, on booze, I’m just less coherent.
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Passive potentate presents potential past posts, parodying Polanski, Prometheus, polling and punishment.
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@avatgardener, totally not passive!
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The JMan tweet made me choke on my coffee.
You are truly twisted, Adam. I think that’s why I love you so much.
xo
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@Shauna, I try.
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Twitter: missbritt
says:
Awwww, the James Dean one made me sad.
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@Miss Britt, I totally don’t get that, but I’ve never even seen a movie that he was in.
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Twitter: lceel
says:
How come nobody wants to sext to me?
Wait a minute. Don’t answer that.
p.s. The Joan Rivers ones? Eeeewwwwwwww.
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@lceel, Joan Rivers? Your subtle humor has gone beyond my grasp this early in the morning.
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Twitter: lceel
, January 8th, 2010: 8:39 AM
@Avitable, I have no idea what I was thinking. These drugs I’ve been taking, though, are REALLY good. Damn Tylenol 3. I get loopy.
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
JRosenberg Hon, could you pick up some Jell-O at the store today?
2:12 PM Sept. 12, 1945 from telegraph
ERosenberg Why? All you ever do is throw away the mix and cut the box into funny shapes. I’m not wasting our money on your stupid little spy games! Leave me out of it!
2:45 PM Sept. 12, 1945 from telegraph
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@Coal Miner’s Granddaughter, very nice!
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Yay! “Clever Adam” is in the house today!
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@Hilly, fo shiz.
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James Dean make me sad
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@Marta, he makes you happy in your pants.
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Twitter: msmegan
says:
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who snorted at the Jman!
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@Finn, irreverence always makes people laugh.
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
way to blame mary for abe’s death. always the woman’s fault, eh?
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@hello haha narf, ALWAYS!
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
these are my favorite of your posts because i’m simple like that.
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@Robin, obviously you have a highly evolved sense of humor.
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Twitter: bobutler
says:
Hahaha. Prometheus. Nice. Can we get more mythology tweets for the uber-nerds?
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@bo, your wish is my command. I’ll start HerculesTweets.com.
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Twitter: alotofnothing
says:
I’m totally referring to Jesus as “JMan” from now on.
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@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing], you don’t already?
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Debbil done et my peanut butter.
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@Grant, this is the new phrase of 2010, right?
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Twitter: Faiqa
says:
Sacagawea liked black dudes. I think I read a dissertation on that once.
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@Faiqa, yeah. It was written by a black dude who dug Indian chicks.
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Twitter: ellemmes
says:
Jman? Bwahahahaha!
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@Lisa,
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Twitter: mooshinindy
says:
I’m smart enough to get offended but not quite smart enough to get all of them all without assistance.
Mock away, mock away.
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@moosh in indy., I shall mock like the wind.
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
One historical inaccuracy…the Pony Express only ran for 18 months between 1860 and 1861. Maybe they would have used smoke signals back in 1804 to tweet?
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@B.E. Earl, that’s why it’s not capitalized. It was the informal pony express.
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Hahahahahahaha
So, so good.
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@Sybil Law, thanks.
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Twitter: MrsLoulou
says:
You’re so funny. When is your book coming out? Seriously.
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@Loukia, I know – I should definitely do that, eh?
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If Twitter had been around longer, my mom might’ve been able to Twitter to her girlfriends that Spencer Tracy was visiting her upstairs neighbor. And then she wouldn’t have been the only one to get his autograph.
My mom is probably glad Twitter wasn’t around then.
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@JD at I Do Things, yes, I bet she is!
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Twitter: themuskrat
says:
Wow…picking on a bunch of tragic figures this time, huh? That Mary Todd…why’d she have to fuck things up for all of us (but A.Johnson)?
I sat next to his seat on the anniversary of his assassination in 2006 for a showing of Shenandoah with Scott Bakula. Pretty cool.
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@muskrat, was it cool even with Scott Bakula there?
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That is awesome. So much potential content, and these were great. I hope JMan doesn’t mind…
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@Hockeymandad, he gave me his blessing.
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As usual, you win for best concept.
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@BOSSY, aww, thanks. Miss you, gg!
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Funny stuff. We started a similar site a while back, and actually have a book coming out in April, including tweets from Hitler, Lincoln, Ice Cube, George Washington, Helen Keller, and more….
Gandhi tweets: “Punched an old woman today. Feel bad.”
More at: http://historicaltweets.com!
Keep up the good work!
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@Alec McNayr, I had never heard of your site until someone above mentioned it. There are definitely a few clever ones on there. Good luck with the book. I usually remove people who are pimping their own site, but it’s relevant to the post, so I’ll leave the link.
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Poor Abe.
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@Badass Geek, I know. Man just wanted some pussy.
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
I’ll take a Fire invite!
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@Poppy, hee hee.
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