Once upon a time, in a far off land, there was a steep mountain. And on the side of that mountain was a large, deep cave. Inside that cave lived a mean, vicious dragon. With big green scales and a long pointy tail and dark glittery eyes, this dragon scared everyone who approached. And that’s just how he liked it.
Then one day, a wee little princess with blonde curls showed up at his cave. “Go away!” he bellowed, blowing smoke from his nostrils.
“Nah,” the princess said, and she kept coming in.
“I’ll eat you alive!” the dragon roared and shot some flame in the air. That’ll scare her away, he thought to himself.
“You’re not really that scary,” the princess replied and walked right up to him.
“Be careful – I’m a big mean scary dragon and I will step on you and kill you in an instant,” the dragon said, a little more resigned this time.
“No you won’t. Don’t be a retard.” The princess sat at the dragon’s feet and began to talk to him. And to his surprise, the dragon talked back. Before he knew it, hours had passed, and it was dark.
“You’d better go home,” the dragon said. “Here – let me give you a ride.” With his huge sharp claws, he tried to guide her onto his back.
“Um, I don’t need your help,” she snapped. “I can make it home all by myself, thank you very much. Goodbye.” The princess walked daintily off into the woods. She was so caught up in doing it by herself that she didn’t even notice the dragon flying overhead, making sure she got home okay.
The next day, the dragon had visitor after visitor to his cave. Just like always, he bellowed and shot flames, and they all ran away, scared of the evil monster. And just like the day before, the little princess showed up again and ignored all of his bluster. The dragon and the princess talked again for many hours, and once again, when it was dark, she walked home alone and the dragon flew overhead to make sure that nothing happened to her.
This continued for many weeks and both the dragon and the princess enjoyed their talks very much. One day, though, the princess asked, “Dragon, why do you have to be so mean to everyone?”
“What do you mean,” the dragon asked, “this is my nature and it’s who I am. I’m mean and evil and everyone should be scared of me.”
“But why,” the princess persisted. “Why do you need to scare people away? You didn’t scare me away and I like you.”
“I don’t really know how to be any other way,” the dragon said quietly.
Face beaming, looking forward to the challenge, the princess exclaimed, “I’ll help you!” And she reached into her pocket and pulled out a dagger. “This might hurt a bit,” she said, and dug the dagger into his side.
“Ow – that hurts!” the dragon yelped like a little child. He watched in amazement as the princess used her dagger to pry off one of the scales and then toss it out of the cave. Under the scale, instead of blood and dragon guts, was shiny pink skin, which confused the dragon considerably.
Every day when the princess came over, she’d bring her dagger, and during their conversation, she’d peel off a few scales. It started to hurt the dragon less and less each time, and after a while, he started to help, too.
Two years passed while the dragon and princess talked every single day. She would still insist on walking home alone most nights, but if she was tired, she’d let the dragon fly her home. And she knew that he kept an eye on her even when she was alone, and that made her feel safe. And every day, she would bring her dagger and she and the dragon would peel off scales. And she would swear that the dragon was getting smaller every day until he wasn’t much bigger than she was.
Finally the day came when the last of the scales were about to come off. These scales covered the dragon’s chest, although calling him a dragon didn’t seem appropriate anymore. He was now covered in shiny pink skin with brown hair and hazel eyes, and he was almost as human as you and I. The princess stood before him and peeled off the scales on his chest. Beneath them she could see his chest pulsing with every heartbeat. Without a thought, she drew him into a tight embrace.
“Dragon,” she said in his ear, “you are a dragon no more. But you have a dragon’s heart and that is what makes you special. Don’t act like a dragon who wants to scare everyone away and eat them. Act like a man with a huge heart and show people who you really are – the man that I know and the man that I saw inside the dragon.”
And the man came out of his cave and joined the world and realized that the princess had been right all along.
The End
Balance
Memorial Day – Dead Soldiers Only Need Apply
Today’s plan
Twitter: poppycede
says:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRITT!!!!!!
Reply
Twitter: Blogography
says:
Happy Birthday, Miss Britt!
Thanks for not slaying that particular dragon.
Reply
Through the whole story, I kept hoping there would be illustrations!
You didn’t disappoint, Dragonheart!
Reply
Twitter: mrlady
says:
Someday, I want a friend who will draw me awesome cartoon tits, too.
Reply
That is a wonderful gift, not only to Britt, but to all of us. Thank you!! Happy Birthday, Britt!!
Reply
Twitter: ashleighlynne
says:
Happy Birthday Miss Britt:)
You’re the best dragon friend ever.
Reply
awww..i think i might cry
Reply
I’m totally teary … and I’m freakin dead inside so that’s sayin something.
Reply
Twitter: s_csr
says:
Happy Birthday Britt!!
Reply
Happy Birthday, Brittster!
Reply
Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
Happy Birthday, Britt! Thanks for showing our favorite dragon that he’s an awesome person, just like you.
Much love to you both.
Reply
Nice treasure.
Reply
Twitter: ellemmes
says:
Awww I got something in my eye. That was awesome!
Happy Birthday Britt!!
Reply
Twitter: perpstu
says:
Happy birthday Britt! I hope that this is your best one yet!
Reply
Twitter: alotofnothing
says:
totally friggin awesome.
Reply
I am so grateful for both the dragon and the princess in this story. I’d better fucking get a fairy tale for my birthday.
Reply
Happy Birthday Britt!
Reply
Ummm, you forgot your disco stick Adam. But great job on Britt’s fun bags!
Reply
Awesome!
Happy Birthday, Britt!!
Reply
Happy Birthday, Britt! You have a pretty special dragon-hearted friend in Adam.
Reply
Twitter: thegoddesscher
says:
You’re a dick. I totally fucking cried.
I hate you both. LOL
Reply
Twitter: themuskrat
says:
At what point did the tail morph into a giant schlong?
Happy birthday! I can’t believe kids born in 1980 are turning 30 now. Wow. It’s totally a better decade than your 20s, though!
Reply
Awww… what a beautiful tale. Happy Birthday Britt. I wish I had a friend who would think so much of me to write such a beautiful story.
Reply
Happy Birthday to Britt.
Reply
Twitter: blondefabulous
says:
Happy birthday Britt!
Reply
Reclusive reptile repulses regulars. Royal refers to rat as retard, roarer relents. Removed rind reveals really righteous (w)riter. Re-educated, redeemed, rewarded.
Reply
@avatgardener, And Happy Birthday to Miss Britt. Good job.
Reply
OMG I’m bawling. Thanks a lot…there goes the church makeup.
Happy Birthday Britt!
Reply
I get it. Miss Britt is the dragon because she smokes and you’re the princess because you’re cute and I want to do you up the butt. Nice allegory, dude.
Reply
This is sweet, Adam.
Happy Birthday, Britt.
Reply
Twitter: Mommycosm
says:
That was SO very sweet.
Happy Birthday, Britt! (Way to see the man hiding inside that big, mean dragon.)
Reply
Twitter: Faiqa
says:
Awww. That was very sweet.
Reply
What an awesome dragon you are…Happy Birthday Britt:D
Reply
Awwwwwww!
Rawr.
Happy birthday, Britt!
Well done, Adam.
xo
Reply
Twitter: karlerikson
says:
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy…and good with ketchup.
Happy Birthday, Britt. Glad you had a marvy prom.
Reply
Aw you are such a sweet fella. Happy Birthday Britt.
Reply
Awww – that is too cute!
Happy Birthday, britt!
Reply
Twitter: LeSombre
says:
Happy birthday Britt!
Reply
Awwwww!!!
Happy birthday Britt!
Reply
Oh, you big, mushy, dragon-hearted bastard! *sniffles*
Happy birthday, Britt. <3
Reply
Twitter: _scifidad_
says:
(Adam – I think you and I are more alike than either of us care to admit.)
Happy Birthday, Britt!
Reply
yey birthday!
Reply
xo so sweet.
Reply
“You left out the part where the dragon and the princess fucked each other behind their spouse’s backs and their lives started falling apart and the dragon ended up penniless and divorced.”
Reply
@Joe Smith, ooh, and did they have weird princess/dragon hybrid babies? Tell me more!
Reply
Sniff.
What a lovely story.
Reply
LOVED the story Avitable!!
And Happy Birthday to Britt!
Reply
Happy Birthday, Britt
Reply
Twitter: lceel
says:
So. Did the Princess cover the need for a loin cloth in all that talking?
Reply
Twitter: lceel
says:
Oh, and Happy Birthday (one day late and one dollar short, like always), Miss Britt.
Reply
Twitter: elizabethbarone
says:
I’ll add to the collection of “awws.” Great story. Happy birthday again, Britt!
Reply