Zelda Rubinstein, the creepy old midget lady known best for her role in Poltergeist I, II, and III as Tangina Barrons, died yesterday at the age of 76. I took a minute to sit down with her.
Me: Hi, Zelda, thanks for agreeing to this short visit. I was sorry to hear about your death.
ZR: There is no death. There is only a transition to a different sphere of consciousness.
Me: Well, yes. But there’s still a corpse. Anyways, let me ask you a tiny question.
ZR: Ahem. Go right ahead.
Me: Do you feel like your roles in the Poltergeist films dwarfed the rest of your career?
ZR: Are you doing this on purpose?
Me: Doing what on purpose? I’m a little confused.
ZR: Why do you keep doing that?
Me: I think you may be a teensy weensy bit wrong.
ZR: There! You did it again! You keep mocking my size!
Me: I would never do something like that. That’s awfully immature of me.
ZR: Oh, okay, I may have just overreacted.
Me: It’s okay. You just have a short fuse. A little, tiny, fuse.
ZR: Gah! I’m going into the Light. There is peace and serenity and no assholes like you in the Light.
Me: Midget.
ZR: Fuck youuuuuuuuuuuuu…….
In addition to Zelda Rubinstein, the extremely reclusive author of “The Catcher in the Rye”, J. D. Salinger, passed away yesterday at the age of 91. I was granted an exclusive interview with this amazing author:
Me: Mr. Salinger, thank you for speaking with me in the first interview you’ve given since 1981, 29 years ago.
Me: Umm, hello?
Me: Why are you just sitting there staring at me?
Me: You’re creeping me out, old man!
Enjoy this interview? Check out my other dead (mostly) celebrity (mostly) interviews:
Brittany Murphy
Oral Roberts
John Lennon
Ken Ober
Henry Gibson
Patrick Swayze
Ted Kennedy
John Hughes
Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett
Walter Cronkite
Billy Mays
Ed McMahon
Stephen Hawking
Robert Novak
Caylee Anthony
David Carradine
Martin Luther King, Jr.
My Interview with Roy Scheider
My interview with Peter Graves
My interview with Tony Curtis
Twitter: Amanda234
says:
I guess Howard Zinn was to good to be interviewed?
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
Now he’s creeping ME out!
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The Zelda interview was a little bit funny. But too short.
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I read this aloud to Matt, laughing my ass off the entire time, and he didn’t get it. I did, because I’m MUCH smarter than he is, and it was hilarious.
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Hardly heard-from honorable Hermit and humorless half-pint horror-film harridan hassled by hairy host. Ha Ha Ha.
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@avatgardener, AnywayS????? you used anywayS ??? good thing I just had the back of my neck shaved cause the hair (that WAS very long) would have stood up straight!! I guess that is one of my peeves.
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@avatgardener, little lady liks lolipops lol!
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
love when you interview people
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i don’t know who saliger but OMG That lady is sooooooooooo creepy shit I love it! You should have told her to gow up and not be midget or that she was name for a game on nintendo lol!
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Heh…authors. You forgot to ask Zelda if she still wore the squeaky shoes. Dammit man.
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Twitter: msmegan
says:
You? Mock? Never.
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Twitter: perpstu
says:
Your interviews with dead people are better than Barbara Walters interviews with live people. I love them!
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Hahahaha!!
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Twitter: thegoddesscher
says:
Is it bad that you make me look forward to people dying?
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