I always hear Britt use “honey” on the phone with many people. Karl calls every person in the world and, I’m convinced, random objects he encounters, “babe”. Turnbaby doesn’t go a half hour without calling someone “sugar”.
I understand why people do this. It gets repetitive to use someone’s name over and over again when you’re talking to them. I mean, here’s an example:
Nickname-less: “Britt, I understand that you want to punch me in the port, but you know, Britt, that’s going to hurt, and it might make me cry. And, Britt, we all know that even though you talk a tough game, you hate to see me cry.”
Nickname-full: “Babe, I understand that you want to punch me in the port, but you know, fucker, that’s going to hurt, and it might make me cry. And, Britt, we all know that even though you talk a tough game, you hate to see me cry.”
See? Much better!
I’ve decided I need a new sobriquet to use with people when I talk to them. “Fucker” works well in some situations, but if I’m trying to be sympathetic or comforting, “I’m sorry your cat just died, fucker” just doesn’t have the right ring to it. I’ve eliminated “sweetie” and “sweetheart” for having baggage associated with them, I can’t use “dear” because I’m not your 90-year old Great Aunt Mabel, and I can’t say “honeychile” without doing a little finger snap and head/neck weave, and that’s just too much work.
Instead of spending copious hours unpacking, working, or masturbating, I’ve researched possible nicknames and finally narrowed it down to ten choices. Each of these is a viable nickname for my daily interactions with people, but I can’t choose.
Leave your vote in the comments. Whichever word gets a majority of votes will be my new term of endearment!
- Buttercup
- Darling (but pronounced “Dahlink”)
- Hotpants
- Princess
- Munchkin
- Cuteness
- Tits
- Pumpkin
- Bunny
- Twinkles
Thanks, honeychile.
Enjoy this post? Try these:How I found out this weekend that I am brave.
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This is a tough choice but I will vote for buttercup
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ANYTHING said in the right tone can be a term of endearment
AWWW Monkey Nuts, thanks for the beer
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#2 Dahhhlink
#7 Sugar tits if you’re feeling randy.
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What’s up Buttercup?
Get off my butt, Buttercup!
Butter me up, Buttercup.
You’re a fuck-up, Buttercup!!!
Hmmmmm. I like it.
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tits!
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Of those choices I’ll go with 1 or 2 leaning heavily toward 1.
If Britt kicks your ass for calling her buttercup, don’t blame us.
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You forgot cupcake.
It’s a toss-up between Tits and Hotpants, but I think Tits has been done enough to not be unique: my vote’s for Hotpants.
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Twitter: tlkaply
says:
If you ever call me any of that shit, I will gut you like a prostitute.
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I vote for TITS. It encompasses everything.
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Twitter: SarcasticMomLC
says:
Seriously, fucker? You did THIS instead of masturbating?
I was about to question your judgment, but instead I’m just going to call you a liar.
You forgot to put Sugarmuff on the list, too.
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What, no doll? ; )
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Twitter: Blogography
says:
Buttercup is so Avitable…
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Darlin’.
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Twitter: 5and1
says:
Hotpants!
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Twitter: ellemmes
says:
Ummm, hello. Princess! Durr…..
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Twitter: Amanda234
says:
If you’re going to use tits, you at least have to pay homage to Mel Gibson and say sugartits.
But I vote for pumpkin, if you pronounce it punkin
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@Amanda, Thumbs up on Punkin!
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@GeekByMarriage, @Amanda
Definite Thumbs Up on Punkin
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Twitter: whyrustalkingme
says:
I vote for tits.
It works anywhere: Hey tits, grab me a beer. What’s up tits? That sucks you got fired tits. Wanna grab a game tits?
See.
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You forgot Schmoopkins- As in Ahhhhh, Schmoopkins
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Twitter: leeleykeel
says:
tits for sure. tits mcgraw, sweet tits, plain ole tits, whatever. it works.
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I’m surprised that ninja isn’t an option…
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Oh god, I call people “Hotpants” constantly. It’s because I can’t remember names.
I told my younger brother I’d buy him drinks/dinner if he called every service person “captain.” As in “thanks, captain!” “Another martini, captain.” It’s a classic, and I release it to you.
Take care of it, hotpants.
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Twitter: fandpinlv
says:
It’s Madame sugartwat to you, Captain Fuckwad.
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Twitter: thegoddesscher
says:
I like “Skippy”. Hey there, Skippy! What’s up, Skippy! Go get me a beer, Skippy.
You can’t use Princess unless you are talking to me. I decided.
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I think fucker beats them all but you can call me princess any day
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I think go with twinkles. It’ll sounds fucking hilarious, regardless if you’re talking to a man or a woman. hehe
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Hotpants. You can use it to be cute, passive-aggressive, OR rude …. it’s even gender neutral.
Down here, we just call everyone “mate.” Which is great when you can’t remember somebody’s name.
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I actually call my hubs fucker so I think it fits, you know just not when you go to a parent/teacher meeting.
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I vote for darling. Well, in my fucked up world it’s more like daaaah-link. I see your world is FUBAR too….
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Twitter: 2tallforskool
says:
hotpants.
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Tits would be funny but might not work for blokes, so how about hotpants as it can suit all genders??
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Since I call people “pumpkin”, that’s out!
As long as you don’t use the phrase “babe”…blech blech, gag gag…then I am fine. I prefer “buttercup” most though.
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You can call me Buttercup anytime, Princess!
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I do this all the time – and to be honest, it is because I never remember names! My go tos are Babe, Muffin, Sweetness, Chief and Hot Stuff. They all have different connotations and there just are some people who are Chiefs and not Muffins, you know?
For you I suggest Darling or to go off the list, Hot Stuff.
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Hotpants! Hotpants! Hotpants!
Or “Monkeyballs”. But I didn’t see that on the list.
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You can call me whatever you want cuteness
lmfao!!! But seriously…I’d say…hmmm…
Well I still like “I’m sorry your cat died, fucker” I’m sure if you used it in an gentle tone, it would be alright!
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Twitter: s_csr
says:
And here I felt all sorts of special.
I guess I’m just a lab rat.
I think it’s always better to use a variety of terms of endearment.
My personal ones are hot stuff, babe, baby, honey, jerk face, butthead, slut and darlin’.
I don’t get what the “darlink” is supposed to be.
I vote for variety.
Or fucker.
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Twitter: Faiqa
says:
Why do you build me up, buttercup, just to let me down…. yeah. Buttercup it is.
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Cuteness. That’d get you a long way in my world.
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No contest… it HAS to twinkles. And I want you to start by calling me that.
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I bemoan the lack of ninja options.
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
I’m a fan of sugartits but I’ll go with Buttercup because it has a song you can use with it, which is always a plus.
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I see no problem with fucker, if it’s your term of endearment. If you mean it affectionately, why not use it in the more sedate sentences? Go with the flow dude, I use ‘trouble’ quite a bit, when swearing really isn’t applicable. Whatever works for you dude.
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Hotpants. Totally. Buttercup just makes me think of the song.
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Twitter: Jayman3768
says:
I call all men “dude” and all women “babe.” I’ve been told “babe” isn’t a good word to use, but oh well.
I say go with “princess.” That seems like the one that will piss the most people off.
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When I was a kid, I read a series of books about young teens learning life lessons. One character was a Southern belle who unironically called everyone “Honey bunny.” But she used it in a real fake, superficial way, like, “Why, honey bunny ah didn’t think you-all would be upset!” For some reason, this imaginary voice stuck in my head, and I’ve had the misfortune of calling people “honey bunny” ever since.
So even tho it isn’t on your list: I choose “honey bunny.”
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Twitter: thepsychobabble
says:
dahlink or princess.
Or buttercup.
yeah, I really helped narrow that down…
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Twitter: Tara_R
says:
‘Tits’ made me laugh because it reminded me of Tits McGee… can’t really see you as a ‘Ron Burgundy’ impersonator though. Being from the South, I vote for pumpkin – or punkin. My favorite term of endearment – butt-faced monkey boy – didn’t make the list.
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I like endearments that start with p. Like peanut, punkin, pecan, penis. Wow. That was Freudian.
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I’ve learned that bunnies don’t like to be called bunny, so I’m voting for pumpkin just because shart blossom isn’t on the list.
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Tits. My middle name is Magee (or, Marie, I can’t remember.) So, Tits Magee works just fine.
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I vote poopsnake, that’s what I call my husband.
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
Tits.
It’s the only choice.
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
I vote for princess bunbun.
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Twitter: elizabethbarone
says:
Daaaahling or twinkles. Daaaaahling is really fun to say out loud.
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Princess, definitely. Can be used either sincerely, or sarcastically.
How come “Schmoopy” from Seinfeld wasn’t considered?
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I like muhlyak. Pronounced MOOL-yahk. As in “Ah that poor muhlyak.” Or “get over here, muhlyak.” Or “you stupid fucking muhlyak.”
Is that what you mean?
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I hope punkin doesn’t win.
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Tits works well because it places you up there alongside George Carlin.
But each one of your videos, you start off by saying “hey fuckers” which I consider that to mean you like each and every one of us (except Margalit, of course)
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Twitter: blondefabulous
says:
I guess Buttercup will do, but from living in the stix for the first 18 years of life, I became accustomed to “Butterpumpkin”.
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I like Tits myself. Sounds a lot like Toots, but isn’t.
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Buttercup. Or Cuteness. Mine has long been sparky… I like it.
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Hello Sunshine,
I can’t decide between Cuteness and Daaaaaaaahlink.
Later F*cker!
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Buttercup. Only if it annoys her the most though, that’s what should win.
For fun though, we should all go somewhere and use nothing but pet names for each other. When I was on road trips for hockey, we wold do this and it really freaked people the fuck out. It makes for great entertainment.
You forgot kitty-muffin and puppy-cakes. Nice post though, pumpkin.
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Twitter: maria0305
says:
Hahahaa. Buttercup!
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Twitter: laurie_pooh
says:
I think I’m in the minority, but I can see you saying darling.
My husband started calling me chief, which I think he stole from Sawyer in LOST. In turn I started calling him freckles. Meh.
Maybe the generator could help? http://www.widgetbox.com/widget/LostSawyersNicknameGenerator
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They’re all great muffin, why choose just one?!
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Well, hells. I call everyone ‘dear’ or ‘babe’, so I’m not much help. I’ve been called Tits more times than I care to count. Kids are ‘munchkin’…’Buttercup’ just sends me straight to The Princess Bride.
Fuckit – go with Twinkles.
You gonna call some bad-ass dude ‘Hotpants?’ Ballsy.
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Tits – it can be combined quite nicely with all the other names should you get in a bind or are not in the mood for nickname brevity. ‘Sweet tits’ is a personal fav, for example.
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Buttercup.
Love it.
But you just stick with calling me Tiny Titted Tanis and I’ll be happy.
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Ok, Hotpants for most things, but pumpkin, not punkin, for most condenscending conversations. “Listen pumpkin, I know you think you’re great, but in reality, you’re an ass.” It soooo softens the blow…
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Twitter: shellimil
says:
How about peanut? But of those offered, I like buttercup the best.
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Twitter: missbritt
says:
Sorry, my mother and I have already claimed “Dahlink”.
And I’m kind of appalled how many people voted for Buttercup, knowing you’re going to be using this with your FRIENDS and not a significant other. Honestly, if you ever call me Buttercup I will probably punch you.
I don’t think men can get away with using pet names the way women can anyway. It just comes off as overly affectionate or creepy.
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@Avitable, Are you talking to yourself, Adam? Or was this Britt?
Also? I won’t have to hear it for long so I vote for something really awful like “cumjizzle” or something.
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@Hilly, HAHHAAH! I just saw this – this was totally Britt.
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Twitter: shellimil
, January 31st, 2010: 7:47 PM
@Avitable, I thought it was weird the way it was worded, too. I thought, that doesn’t sound like Adam. He’s way nicer than that.
He would never punch me if I called him Buttercup.
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Well, shoot…too late as usual. I was going to vote for “Pumpkin”.
Good luck.
J.
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Twitter: Dumblond
says:
Tits FTW!
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Twitter: stillcrafty
says:
I vote for buttercup, too, as it seems to suit you.
My friends are “my darling” a la Gordon Ramsey. It amuses me.
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Twitter: Readerwrites
says:
Kittenpants.
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tits. duh.
xo
b.
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Hotpants!!
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I like “cuteness.” I often use “Sunshine” – but in different ways depending on the situation. It can be sarcastic or sincere – very versatile.
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Voting may be closed, but I’m all for “hotpants”. I had a boyfriend call me ‘sizzlepants’ once, and I giggled for days. In a good way.
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
my secret agent name is buttercup. several people also call me that.
and i call a lot of people princess. or pretty lady. so don’t steal that.
please provide a new list.
xoxo
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Dude, if you call me buttercup, you better have a peanut butter cup to give me, or I’ll have Britt punch you.
You can always do the classic and add a suffix to the end of everyone name. Ex: Britter
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I don’t care what wins. You can call me hotpants.
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What I call people, in no particular order: Honey, Honeyface, Baby, Babe, Sugar, Sugarbaby, Sweetie, Sweetface, Lovey, Boobots, Love, many many more, I’m sure.
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