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My theories on LOST

Since December, thanks to urging by several friends, I have watched the entire first five seasons of LOST on Hulu in anticipation of the final season, which premieres tonight.

If you’ve never watched LOST and plan on it at some point in the future, you may want to stop reading now. Otherwise, continue.

Here are my theories on what’s going to happen in this final season:

  • In the series finale, Jack is going to wake up in bed next to Suzanne Pleshette and tell her about the really weird dream he just had.
  • The island is actually from the planet Cybertron and the smoke monster is a wounded Megatron.
  • In the end, we find out that the island was created by Leland Palmer who was under the influence of Bob.
  • Ninjas.
  • The entire staff of writers leaves halfway through the season and so it ends on a weak note where fucking Lorelai doesn’t end up with fucking Luke even though we all know they’re meant for each other.
  • The Korean war will finally end.

What do you think will happen?

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35 Replies to “My theories on LOST”

  1. B.E. Earl

    I think Jack is gonna pretend to be an evil leader so he can take down the Circle of the Black Thorn. He will secretly poison the near-immortal Richard before killing the Smoke Monster with the help of his suddenly grown-up nephew, Aaron. Kate will handle an impossibly alive Matthew Abaddon along with three of his unnamed henchmen. Ben is recruited to Jack’s side to take down the Man in Black, but is then uncharacteristically gunned-downed by Hurley per Jack’s orders. Sawyer dies while battling Charles Widmore with the last minute aid of Kate. Sayid will take on a newly re-born Locke along with the rest of his brethren, eventually saving Sun’s kidnapped child in the process. And Desmond, sick of it all really, kills Eloise and her son Daniel…er, in another timeline.

    And then all Hell will break loose. Literally. Jack wants the dragon, naturally.

    “Let’s get to work!”

    • Faiqa

      @B.E. Earl, Sigh. That was sort of genius, Earl. But I’d have to say this if it all went down that way…

      “I watched Angel. I knew Angel, Angel was a friend of mine. And Dr. Jack Sheppard? You’re no Angel.”

    • Joy

      @Tanis Miller, RNM, I’m with you. I won’t watch it, would rather scrub toilets, and will give a glance at an article that tells me how it has ended. If it is a bitingly sarcastic article, I’ll enjoy the ending that much more.

  2. kapgar

    You got it all wrong. I’ve got the inside scoop.

    Kate wakes up in an apartment in Los Angeles and hears her shower running. She goes into the bathroom and finds Jack in there. She tells him about the island. He calms her down by convincing her it was just a dream. But then Sawyer walks into the bathroom, gets in the shower with Jack and they soap each other down. Kate freaks out and runs away with her next-door neighbor and landlord Hurley Furley, who can’t stand gay guys.

  3. Elisa

    I have to confess I didn’t watch season 5. I got so bored of it toward the end of season 4 that I just didn’t bother anymore. But all these possibilities make it sounds like it might be worth another shot. Unless once again Lorelai and Luke don’t get together, which will just suck all over again – like I wasn’t disappointed enough the first time. Wait, what?

  4. Freaky Weasel

    I assumed this season that Robin Masters would be revealed as head of Dharma. Luke, in his dashing olive drab is clearly a time traveling lacky from the 50’s and obviously Magnum’s real father.

    At the end of the season, with everything in ruins, Sam will appear and put right what went wrong with the help of The Great Gazoo.

  5. bo

    I think Norm will step in an say, ‘You always come back to what you love.’ And then there’ll be an island-wide lovefest culminating with the smoke monster dropping a load in Kate’s mouth and then she and Juliet go all 2 girls 1 cup for a 2-hour series finale.

  6. JD at I Do Things

    I love the fact that two of the people who claim to hate the show confess that they will find out how it ended. Why would they care?

    Having said THAT, who’re Luke and Lorelai? I thought you made a mistake and meant “Luke and Laura,” which just goes to show how old I am.

  7. Hockeymandad

    They will get arrested and sent to prison for being a menace to society. With all these crazy open ended storylines, it’s a menace.

    Still, I got hooked and I will watch and wait for what will be an ultimate disappointment. I just don’t see how you could end all this in a totally satisfying way. Except maybe if they go Reservoir Dogs and kill everyone.

  8. Marta

    I DONTU LIKE THIS SHOW! It can stand aminute and its soo boring when will something ever happen in it on the show? i watched the opisudes and then just had to stop that it will finally be over with because how can dboyyd even watch. I’m with the ones that will look up the end once its done and hope it do bad in ratings No wonder it was cancelled!

  9. cat

    Ha! I think they’ll keep it Sci Fi with some weird explanation that I won’t really understand, but the gobbledy gook will still sound convincing because I know nothing of quantum physics, etcetera…

  10. Elizabeth Kaylene

    I think the entire staff of writers will leave, leaving us screaming at the television that we want a wedding, dammit! Grr.

    Anyway, I didn’t know that LOST was on Hulu. Now I can finally catch up (I used to watch it religiously but missed a few episodes and, as you probably know, missing a few episodes of LOST totally screws you, so I gave up)!

  11. Faiqa

    I waited until this particular time to leave a comment on this post. It’s an act of defiance. Fuck LOST. Fuck them and their refusal to close a plot line for years on end. I took my ball and went home last year. Jack and Kate and Sawyer can all go cannibal and eat each other for all I care.

    Um.

    Let me know if they do end up doing that, though, OK?

  12. Kel

    I both love and loathe this show. It pisses me off every time I watch it but then I can’t wait for next week to come along. I have more questions now then I did when it all started and I don’t think we will ever have all the answers, EVER. I am hoping there is no lame ending or I will be really pissed.

  13. Otilia Buonadonna

    I am in pain that Lost is over. I can’t believe the US is viewing the final episode tonight. What are we going to do now that it’s gone. Matthew Fox is so sexy! Where can I see him in the next show? I am guessing there will be a movie deal now.

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