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Don’t be an asshope

Twice before, I’ve talked about the Washington Post Mensa Invitational. The Invitational called on readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. I came up with my own group of words and in the comments, many of you came up with ones that were more clever than anything I could think of.

Here are some of the examples from the Mensa Invitational:

1. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
4. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
5. Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

And here are some of my new additions to the dictionary:

1. Asshope: A guy that you date who is an asshole but you still hope that he’ll prove he’s a good guy.
2. Vagile: Extremely flexible and gymnastically inclined in the vaginal area.
3. Underbear: Tighty whities that don’t hide the large amounts of hair poking out.
4. Stripease: A woman who drops her clothes way too easily.
5. Dourk: A really bitter, depressed geek.
6. Pelevision: Someone who buys a huge television and only uses it to watch soccer.
7. Cockblacking: Losing a girl to an African-American.
8. Warrantsy: The feeling that makes you buy an extended warranty for a piece of electronics or a car because the salesman scares you into it..
9. Weepon: A little tiny weapon.
10. Massuage: When you tell yourself that a massage ending in a happy ending is still legitimate.

Do you have an altered word that you think is better than these? Take any dictionary word, and add, subtract, or change ONE LETTER, and give the new definition in the comments.

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26 Replies to “Don’t be an asshope”

  1. Ian

    How about; Fluck.

    Sexual relations of a fortuitous nature. You know, when some numpty gets his rocks off with someone way above his station. Like, for example, you may say Russell Brand is a right flucker.

  2. The Empress of The Style Invitational

    There actually is no “Mensa Invitational,” but The Washington Post does have a wonderfully clever humor contest called The Style Invitational. And two Invitational contests from 1998 are the sources of many — but not all — of the neologisms in the list above. (For example, “decafalon” isn’t a one-letter change from “decathlon,” is it? Or “caterpallor”?)

    Much better to see the real thing — every week at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. The Style Invitational is a weekly humor/wordplay contest with unbelievably clever humor contributed by thousands of readers. It’s published every Saturday in The Post’s Style (features) section, and every Friday afternoon at about 3:30. There are neologism contests regularly, but also lots of other sources of humor as well.

    The most recent results (Feb. 7, 2010) were for “shrunken” movie and book titles.

    The top winners:

    The Fifth Sense: “I smell dead people.” (Adam and Russell Beland, Fairfax)

    The Mediocre Gatsby: The biography of Tareq Salahi. (Ira Allen, Bethesda)

    Slaughterhouse $4.99: A family gets to choose among beef, chicken and pork with all the trimmings — only at Denny’s! (Greg Arnold, Herndon)

    Three Days of the Condom: Love on a shoestring. (Edmund Conti, Raleigh)

    See the rest of the winners (click on Week 855) at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. Or you can become a fan of “Washington Post Style” on Facebook (go to facebook.com/wapostyle ) and you’ll get a link to the Invitational when it’s posted. I hope you become a regular reader and maybe even a regular entrant — it seems as if you’re raring to go!

    Best,

    The Empress of The Style Invitational

    • Avitable

      @The Empress of The Style Invitational, you know, I was wondering that same thing. I assumed it was copied directly from the Post, but neither of the words you mention seem to fit the rules of the invitational as it was presented. And I always thought it was called the Mensa Invitational for some reason, but thanks for correcting it. Obviously, the point of this post was to continue the concept of that particular invitational by creating new words, and I think I succeeded on that front.

      Thanks for the comment and I’ll check out the new invitationals.

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