Wait, so are you saying you want a Victoria’s Secret gift certificate in your Easter basket? Done.

And BTW, it’s a ghost on the other side of the house, not a raccoon.

I’m way too familiar with being by myself. I was used to my husband traveling for work and being home on the weekends, but now that he’s in India? I’m on my own 24/7. Not the same as what you’re going through, but still kind of paddling the same boat.

After reading your list I think it’s high time you got a puppy! And after reading the comments I see you already have a dog that you’re sharing, but I think you need a full time cohort of your own (think of the blog fodder!).

When you hear a noise on the other side of the house, you know it’s the dog; and if its not, the dog will take care of the intruder.

It may be hard to scratch that one spot on your back, but think how happy you’d make your new best friend?

You could name your new dog Ninja…or another Ninja worthy name.

Whilst sitting naked in your living room, your pup could lick your balls and then bark at the door and scare unwanted people away.

You could both splash and ‘doggy paddle’ in the pool together and then spend your time later cleaning hair out of the filter instead of playing a stupid game of “Marco’.

Your new pup may not tell you that you look fat in your jeans, but he’ll lick your ass while you’re trying to wipe it after taking a shi…Never mind.

Instead of buying things you saw on late night TV, you’ll be swiping your MasterCard for Frisbees, Milk-Bones and flea collars…just don’t buy him a sweater, because that’s gay.

That package of Oreos? You can eat them on your own if you choose, but Ninja (or whatever you name him) will gladly share with you.

WTF is a Japanese love pillow? Seriously, I have no clue what that is. Get a dog.

You may be a walking fashion disaster, but it will go unnoticed if you have a cute pup at your side. Chicks go for guys with dogs. You mentioned something in this post about watching LifeTime…have you learned nothing?

You won’t have worry about being discovered as a cross dresser, because your new pup will probably eat your underwear.

See? Problem solved. Well at least the majority of them.

Sending big (Hugs). I know it’s an adjustment, but you’ll survive.

Now I have that 70’s Gloria Gaynor song in my head. Damn you!