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  • Tonight we have our final Orlando Mafia meeting before Hilly leaves us to return to California. We’re not having her set up the California branch, though, because she’d do things differently and then we’d have to make her sleep with the fishes like Moe Greene. It’s not personal, it’s family.
  • It’s wayyy too early for me to even consider the world of dating, but someone out there has decided it’s time.
  • I’m so sick of the cold. It’s hard to hang around in your underwear when your nipples can cut steel. Fuck you Nature for making me put clothes on!
  • Do you think watching Spartacus: Blood and Sand can make me gay? It manages to be manly and tough and vicious while also having lots and lots of naked sweaty penises. Plus Xena. But she has really weird nipples, so I don’t know if that counts.
  • Wow – this guy just carved off this other guy’s face! What the fuck kind of show am I watching?
  • I think it’s time to do a new 100 Things About Avitable – the one I have is about two years old and somewhat out of date. Like, I totally own pants now! And I don’t have night terrors anymore. Oh, and the whole not married thing.
  • When I washed my own sheets for the first time in 11 years (since my wife used to do it), I found that two of my pillows had mildew/mold spots on them!! I bet I’ve been breathing those in for years and how did she not throw those away? That’s horrible!
  • On another note, how frequently do you wash your sheets? I’ve heard people say every week and others say every 2-3 weeks and others say once a month. What about towels?
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143 Replies to “Bullets”

  1. Kisha Floren

    I think it all depends on how dirty you make the sheets, heh. If you’re good with a kleenex and don’t sweat much, I’d say 2X a month is adequate.

    Towels….the endless debate. I hang mine and wash once a week. Some insist that is gross because you wipe your butt with them and wash everyday, but I think that’s a waste.

  2. Karie

    How nice to be tossed into the Bachelor pool….good luck with that. And What the fuck was your wife thinking with the pillow…EW! I am an anal wife..har har…and the sheets are changed every five days. Do you know how much DNA is on those things…G-ROSS!

  3. Mary Jo

    For sheets we go about 1x a month unless they get gross. Towels we hang after using and wash once a week. Been doing it like this my whole life and I think I’m okay. We are not gross, just lazy.

  4. Amy

    I don’t think I am typical when it comes to bedding – I’m really particular (anal) about my bed. Sheets every week, mattress pad once a month, pillows every 2-3 months, and duvet cover every 3-4 months (sometimes more depending on my mood – different mood/different design). The down comforter and feather bed gets professionally cleaned once a year.

    Ok, written out that is really anal, but I sleep soundly every single night, even when stressed out.

  5. Andria Stanley

    Sheets, once a week. Towels, after every use.

    My best friend washes her sheets periodically. When her husband comes home, he knows clean sheets means he’s getting some that night. I’m always like, what the heck?! Why dirty up the clean sheets so soon?!

  6. Nina the slackmistress

    Sheets? Pillows? Google “dust mites” and if that doesn’t inspire you to keep your bedding (and mattress) clean you’re a stronger man than I. And I’m tres butch.

    (Sheets, two sets, so I can change them every other week, duvet cover every two weeks, duvet every month. Pillows every 2-3 months. The only thing I don’t do is wear kleenex boxes on my feet.)

  7. Janelle

    Sheets- once a week or when I do laundry mid week. They always feel so soft and comfy that first night after they’ve been washed. Towels- I never use the same towel twice and usually have a “towel load” on Sunday. I hate, hate, HATE laundry. Well, it’s not the laundry I hate, it’s the putting away of the laundry. NOBODY puts it away like I do, aka the right way. Clothes need to be hung up in a certain way and in order. If my hubby and I ever divorce, he will do it all wrong. I can never leave him for that reason. πŸ™‚ But, ya know, they way I nag about the laundry, he is probably plotting my murder while I sleep. I’m rambling now. Who knew laundry would bring up so much for me to say?!?

  8. Twenty Four At Heart

    Sheets once a week. I saw a news feature once that showed all the microscopic LIVE shit that lives on sheets … ever since then, once a week – hot water. Towels once a week too … except for the beach/pool towels and they get washed after each use. I hate laundry … but the idea of living things on my sheets freaks me out enough to wash them.

  9. Ashleigh

    I’m lazy, and no one is really ever in my bed but me, so sheets get washed about every 2-3 weeks. Unless sex happens on them, I find no reason to wash them often.
    I wash a load of towels every other week, but we have about fifty towels, so that’s not really an issue for me.

    I’m sick of the cold too. Not being able to sleep naked is bumming me out. Having to actually wear pants and jackets outside is also bumming me out.

    I would have thrown up at the sight of mold/mildew. That’s not cool. I would just buy new pillows.

  10. Robin

    I try and wash my sheets every week, but lately I have been in a lazy funk, so it’s more like twice a month. Your post totally made me throw my sheet set into the washing machine with hottest water possible. πŸ™‚

  11. Tracy Lynn

    The sheets depend on if I get sick,have sex or something. Then I wash immediately. I have two sets and I swap them roughly every two weeks. It’s one of those things that is hard for me to do by myself, so I tend to put it off.

    The towels- well, I use each towel three times, and since I can’t shower every day, and I have four bath sheets, it turns out I wash towels once a month.

  12. Zoeyjane

    I do sheets and towels once every week or two (we don’t bathe much). And if you’re not ready for dating, then I hereby withdraw my application.

    Additionally, haven’t you ever seen the Seinfeld Spartacus episode? Your answer lies within.

  13. Hilly

    “We’re not having her set up the California branch, though, because she’d do things differently and then we’d have to make her sleep with the fishes like Moe Greene. It’s not personal, it’s family.”

    I wonder if you could hear my eyes rolling from 26 miles away.

    Also, sheets…once a week. End of story.

  14. themuttprincess

    How many towels do you have? If you have several you can get away with doing a load a couple times a month, I think it is perfectly OK to use a towel more than once. Sheets should be washed at a minimum once a month–more if they have “stuff” on them…….

  15. Lexi

    Sheets? Once a week, unless they need it for some…other reason. Towels about once a week also, but they hang in the bathroom maybe two days. Both of these though, I have plenty of extras so I can swap them out if needed without necessarily having to wash them right away.

  16. Mandi Bone

    I don’t know about the whole laundry thing my husband does that.I will ask him for laundry tips for you. With the mildew pillow maybe she was trying to slowly kill you for the insurance money or you live where it is humhid and things gets moldy quicker.

  17. Marta

    I wash sheets once a week unless there’s been activity. IT helps keeping a few extra sets around so you can just take them off the bed and add new ones to bed. I usually wait to wash them until either the sheet hamper is full, I’m out of sheets, or the hamper has too strong stink to deal with. Its a lot easier than washing them everytime after sex which would be way too much washing when I’m seeing somebody

  18. Finn

    Tell your matchmaker that you are not available. You’re mine. I have you on layway. I’m just not ready to make the final payment yet.

    I wash my sheets weekly in hot water because of my allergies. I own a few sets so they don’t fall apart. Towels have to be washed at least once a week if not more, depending on the ventilation in your bathroom. Ours sucks. The towels take forever to dry, which means they’ll start to smell if they aren’t washed frequently.

  19. Faiqa

    Let me tell you something.

    Once you’re in the Orlando Mafia, you can never leave. Hilly will return to California, and she will set up our contingent over there.
    And, you?


    I should demote your ass to “Fredo” for this stunt.

  20. Karen

    My sheets get done every week when the cleaning lady comes. If she doesn’t come, they don’t get done for two weeks. I do the towels after I use them 2 times. I have a lot of towels so I don’t have to wash them that often.

  21. Honeybell

    Our sheets get washed according to how often they’re, um, used. (When I was single I washed them about once a week)

    I wash towels every time I use them. If not all I can think about it “did I just dry my face with the same towel area I dried my ass with yesterday?”

  22. Zakary

    I wash my sheets when someone pees on them, usually once a week. (I’m blaming the pee on the baby.) I wash towels maybe once a week. Do not leave wet towels in the washer for the weekend if you are going to Breckenridge. Just a head’s up. They will mildew and even if Google tells you to wash them with vinegar, you still have to get new towels.

  23. Laura

    I wash everything in my house once a week…in hot water, except clothes (they get washed once/week as well, but in cold water). I’ve got a system…it’s a little anal…I don’t wanna talk about it \=

  24. Sybil Law

    Sheets, once a week. That includes pillow covers, duvet cover, etc. Sometimes I’ll go two weeks, but not more than that.
    Towels are washed once a week or sooner; washcloths are only used once – towels – eh.
    Go buy yourself some extra sheets, pillow covers, and towels.
    I need to start watching Spartacus!!

  25. lydia

    Towels: Around every third day or so.

    Sheets: Once a week. Sometimes more often. We had a Kirby salesman come to our house and do a demonstration. He vacuumed our mattress. You don’t want to know what came out of that vacuum bag. Bleh. :/

  26. Elizabeth Kaylene

    Oh, shit. I need to wash my sheets. I’m not sure what the rules are, but I think mine are due. They don’t smell clean anymore. I love falling asleep to that clean scent. Sigh.

    Uh. What else was I going to say? *scrolls up to reread*

    Oh. Right. Ya big baby, what is it, 60 degrees down there? Come up to Connecticut and THEN complain about the cold, mister! I’ll trade states with you any day! (;

  27. Bob

    I finally get around to clicking on links from Kapgar’s blogroll and I get bloody face removals and dirty sheets. I LOVE IT! Sheets can be washed? I just buy new one’s at Walmart every now and then. Same with Pillows. A new $5 pillow every month and all that drool at night is a non-issue. For towels, as long as they dry who cares. You are drying yourself off when you are CLEAN right? So HOW can they get dirty? Just my thoughts for what they are worth.

  28. Karen Sugarpants

    Sheets – 1-2 times a week – more when Daren works in town. πŸ˜‰ I know, TMI.

    Towels – whenever I have a load’s worth – we use them 2-3 times first except for Thomas who keeps wiping his effing toothpaste on his – so he gets a new one twice a day.

    Wash your towels daily and put on on your nipples once they are out of the dryer. Mmm warm nipples. *snort*

  29. Rachael

    Wait, I have 3 episodes of Spartacus in my DVR. Why did no one tell me about the penii?

    Also I wash my sheets… when something gets on them? When a cat or a kid makes a mess there? Yeah I guess we’re gross.

  30. SuvvyGirl

    I am one of those people who is oddly fixated on Spartacus Blood and Sand there’s just something about it you can’t help but watch. Lucy Lawless still isn’t any better at acting, but anyone that can look like that at her age can afford to be a bad actress. As for the sheet washing thing I attempt to do it every couple of weeks or so, but usually sorely miss the mark. Towels on the other hand get washed as much as clothes do.

  31. Poppy

    Are you using my brain for your randomization project?

    Sheets … yah. When we can’t stand it anymore. A reminder: We live like children, and enjoy that lifestyle.

    Towels we do once a week.

    Something you keep doing is bugging the shit out of me (not literally) and I’m debating whether to mention it to you. What do you think?

  32. Miss Grace

    I wash my sheets when I do something stupid like spill wine on them, or when Gabriel wakes me up by puking on my face, or after I have sex, but only because I don’t have live-in sex, and that’s a rare enough event that I can stay on top of it. But if I actually got to do it on a regular basis, that would fall off the map as sheet changing event.
    Basically not all that often unless I feel like they’re dirty. Only with more references to my sex life!

  33. Nenette

    wash cloths – once a week (used only once)
    towels – once a week (used more than once)
    sheets/pillowcases – once or twice a month depending on season
    duvet covers – once a month
    pillows/duvets – every six months

    And your bed should be changed often too. I’m afraid of what my old bed — that I handed down to my god sister — harbours. Ew.

    Stop watching face carving shows! You should be off burning pillows!

  34. Margaret

    Sheets – whenever you want soft comfy sleeping.

    Towels – only used once before having to wash. Suggestion is to buy lots and lots of towels and then you only have to wash them every two weeks or something like that.

  35. Tug

    Shit, how did I not comment on the ‘part of your back you can’t reach that itches’ post? I’ve always hated that being single…THAT’S where I need the lotion!

    Anyway. Wash your sheets weekly, unless there’s action (single or with someone). πŸ˜‰ Sucks that it happened, but you’ll get it; no doubt. Much luck on your new journey.

  36. Turnbaby

    Sheets changed once a week–I adore fresh sheets and we spend a LOT of time naked in the Big Bed.

    Towels changed once a week. Brad gets a fresh washcloth–I don’t use one.

    Pillows/comforters every six months or so. If you need to freshen a pillow in betweeen just put in a hot dryer for 30 minutes and kill those dust mites.

    The moldy thing is grossing me out.


  37. Sheila (Charm School Reject)

    Am I the only person on the freakin’ planet that only has one set of sheets and thus only washes them when she knows she will have plenty of time to wash, dry and remake the bed?

    Towels I wash whenever we run out but I try to do a load every weekend. We have a bajillion towels but I like to stay on top of them because I don’t have time during the week to wash them. I will re-use my towel until either a) Travis wipes his toothpaste on it or b) Travis puts it on the floor instead of the towel rack. Any towel, whether it has been used or not, is automatically considered dirty if it touches the bathroom floor or the back of the toilet seat (where the man pee gets backsplashed).

  38. Fantastagirl

    I’m thinking you need more towels and sheets, then you don’t have to wash as often.

    Sheets – change weekly.
    Pillows – run through the dryer about every 6 weeks – kills the dust mites
    Comforter/blankets – wash once a month.
    Towels – changed every 2-3 days.

    I’m one that vacuums my mattress… so what do I know?

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