Without the genius addition of a $, Ke$ha would just be “Kesha”, a trashy blonde girl with very little actual musical talent. Instead, Ke$ha is a music sensation! That simple substitution of a punctuation symbol for a letter has been used in the geek world for a long time. It’s known as “leet speak”. And, once again, something geeky is being used to make the world more awesome.
I think that we should take really shitty things and make them more palatable with leet speak. It could revolutionize the world, just like the iPhone. Take a kid who hates spinach, for example. Do you think maybe he’d eat “$P!NACH”? Totally – the exclamation point and dollar sign substitution will fool him into thinking he’s eating something AWESOME. Here are some other things that we could bling up with some punctuation:
- Having trouble making ends meet? Don’t worry if you have to declare B4NKRUP7CY – it’s super fun!.
- Male and over the age of 30? Don’t forget to go in for your annual awesome PR0$TAT3 3XAM.
- It’s okay that you got an F. It is cool to be a PHA!LUR3!
- Did last night’s one-night stand leave you burning and itching? Be proud of your H3RP3$.
- No biggie about your car accident – revel in the fact that your leg had to be A/\/\PUT4T3D!
- Did last night’s one-night stand leave you a little pregnant? Just go have an awesome 4B0RT!0N.
- Been hanging out in dirty hot tubs? It’s okay – it’s only a Y3A$T INPH3C7!0N.
- Is your TV remote broken? Don’t be upset that it’s stuck on the DI$N3Y CH4NN3L.
- Did you wake up with a fat hairy guy slapping you in the face with his penis? It’s only 4V17ABL3!
Unicorns make everything more awesome
The science of naming planets
Lazy fuckers and awesome bosses
Twitter: mrlady
says:
You had me at yeast infection.
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@Mr Lady, rawr?
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I would have been disappointed if you were not involved in a penis joke in this list. Consistency, my friend!
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@always home and uncool, penis jokes are mandatory.
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I always knew you were Fan%#$!%#Tastic!
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@K!M, so fantastic you had to say it twice!
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I always knew you were Fan#*€^£$*Tastic !
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
I knew it was you. Fucker.
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@B.E. Earl, sorry about that.
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I would have been disappointed if you were not personally involved in a penis joke in this list. Consistency, my friend!
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Less leet speak, more dick slaps.
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@Miss Grace, I will keep that in mind next time I see you.
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Twitter: 5and1
says:
W00t! You totally p0wn this post! L33t speak FTW!
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@5and1, I’m no n00b!!!111ONE
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N!Nj4$ FTW!
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@RebTurtle, I almost added that in there.
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Twitter: thegoddesscher
says:
I was never good at L33T speak. But, I can make a seriously good blowjob emoticon. Check it out:
8==>~~~0-:
Feel free to add “equal” signs depending on the length of your penis.
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@CP, that’s no blowjob – that’s a money shot!
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This post was…
fan-℉µ©₭!₦-tastic!
Heh heh heh
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@Trish, nice!
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Very cute. And you had me at L33t.
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@Moon HalloranLeady, $\/\/337.
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This cracked my $hit up.
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@Lilacspecs, that’s my goal.
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Ah, Ke$ha, does it mean ‘many money shot’?
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@Ian, only if we’re lucky.
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Twitter: blondefabulous
says:
Th $ sign is actually an homage to her roots. Kesha grew up very poor. Apparently as a child she and her mother were so poor, dog food was an only option sometimes, and now that she has the potential to make millions off of tone deaf teens and 20 somethings, she has put the $ sign in her name. Meh…..
I have often thought of going as Blobdefabulou$, but if you’re not really rich it’s just being a douche.
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@Blondefabulous, that sounds like complete bull$hit. I know plenty of people who grew up that poor who don’t need to put a punctuation symbol in their names!
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Twitter: sendchocolate
says:
How I love you. Disney Channel alongside herpes. Yeah, that’s about reet.
You is totally l337
and $3><4
more penis jokes, plz
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@sendchocolate, I’m a ma$ter at the peni$ joke.
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I’m back from the doctor with a CA$T on my foot thanks to my D!ABETE$ – w00t!
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@Grant, wait, really? I haven’t read blogs in the last week. Going now.
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
why would you slap me with your peni$ and not just choke me with it like normal?
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
, February 24th, 2010: 8:28 AM
also, i would throw my tv and remote away if it got stuck on the DI$N3Y CH4NN3L. seriously.
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bwahahahahaaaa!!!!!
ooh ooh now I cant be Chri$tie! Sweet!
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@christie, you can’t? Why not?
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@Avitable,
lmao, oops, I meant *can*
My fingers have a mind of their own
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Don’t forget the auto-tune….gotta have the auto-tune.
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@Hockeymandad, it’s mandatory. MAN-zhda-tor-EEEE.
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hahaehaehehe
H3Y 4D4/\/\ TH15 15 /\/\4RT4! 1 4/\/\ C0PY1NG Y0UR C0D3 T0 53ND A /\/\3554G3 TH4T 1 L0\/3 Y0U 4ND Y0UR BL0G AND TH4T 1 L0\/3 R34D1NG 1T 1 H0P3 Y0U L1K3 TH15!!!
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@Marta, nice job. You are as awesome as that music video I posted above!
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@Avitable, I not see a video, just a picture of Ke$ha with the song. Still, LOVE this song. Have you seen the music video yet? IMG!
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
I think my eyes just cro$$3d. GAH!
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@Coal Miner’s Granddaughter, I know – same here, and I wrote it!
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Twitter: Faiqa
says:
WH4T3V3R.
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@Faiqa, LOL.
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Hahahaha! My kid knows all the words to this effing song!
$ybil does look better – or more hookerish.
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@Sybil Law, isn’t more hookerish better? Mo’ money!
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Ha ha! I used to sign off as c@… I thought I was so clever!
Re: Ke$ha: I heard she was supposed to be in a reality show with Paris Hilton years back when Nicole Richie left, so I’m assuming she’s rich…? Money can’t buy talent, but it will buy enough PR to get people to believe you are.
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Twitter: thegoddesscher
, February 25th, 2010: 12:06 AM
@cat, actually, that is a true story. She was a contestant on Paris Hilton’s show, My New BFF…but she didn’t make it to the finals. Apparently, she got drunk at Paris’ house and vomited in the closet. Paris had her escorted out. Pretty funny stuff. Anyone who vomits on Paris’ shoes is okay with me.
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@cat, c@ is pretty clever, actually. I like it.
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Oh, I just read what BlondeFabulous said above… guess she heard a different story. Maybe I just heard a rumor!
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Twitter: elizabethbarone
says:
4V17ABL3, yOu FoRgOt To TyPe LiKe ThIs. YoU hAvE fAiLeD tEh InTeRneTs.
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@Elizabeth Kaylene, I shall be subject to the horrors of 4chan.
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Twitter: elizabethbarone
, February 27th, 2010: 5:48 PM
@Avitable, A most fitting punishment. *taps fingers together*
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It’s scary how easy those were to read… am I on drugs again at work?
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@Ashley, the Accidental Olympian, probably. Does your pee taste like asparagus?
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Jee$u$ H. T4pd4ncing Chri$t!!! I just managed to get this damn earworm out of my head, and now you put it back again! G4h!
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@Nenette, I have her album on replay in my house right now.
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
I think she leeted her name so you’d know to pronounce the Kesh part like Tesh rather than leash. Didn’t work for me, I still didn’t catch on until I heard a lot of radio and TV people say her name correctly.
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@Poppy, I thought it was like quiche, too. Didn’t work at all.
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Twitter: themuskrat
says:
Been arrested again for DUI? Prison gets you S0D0M1Z3D!
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@muskrat, you say that like it’s a bad thing.
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@Kel, thank$.
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