I don’t believe in pants.
They’re generally uncomfortable and hot and restrict your movement and have no purpose other than a dress code. They’re only slightly more useful than a tie.
From the years of 2001 until 2008, I didn’t even own a pair of pants of any type. I lived in Southern California and then Florida, so all I needed were shorts. I finally broke down in 2009 and bought a pair of jeans, but that was about it.
For my grandmother’s funeral yesterday, I went out and bought a pair of black slacks. This might be the first pair of black pants that I have ever owned. I bought these pants out of a sense of obligation. First of all, there may have been some discussion among family members about how my post was a bit disrespectful, so I wanted to show respect at the funeral. Secondly, I just knew that my mother would probably stab me in the face if I walked into the house in a pair of shorts. And I like my face. And finally, I realized that I really didn’t hate wearing the tuxedo for Britt’s birthday prom, so maybe owning a pair of pants would be a good idea.
And you know what? They were comfortable, I liked how I felt and looked, and none of the issues I had with pants in previous years seemed to really exist anymore. Pants really aren’t so bad after all. In fact, I might even start to like them.
Welcome to my life, pants.