I don’t believe in pants.
They’re generally uncomfortable and hot and restrict your movement and have no purpose other than a dress code. They’re only slightly more useful than a tie.
From the years of 2001 until 2008, I didn’t even own a pair of pants of any type. I lived in Southern California and then Florida, so all I needed were shorts. I finally broke down in 2009 and bought a pair of jeans, but that was about it.
For my grandmother’s funeral yesterday, I went out and bought a pair of black slacks. This might be the first pair of black pants that I have ever owned. I bought these pants out of a sense of obligation. First of all, there may have been some discussion among family members about how my post was a bit disrespectful, so I wanted to show respect at the funeral. Secondly, I just knew that my mother would probably stab me in the face if I walked into the house in a pair of shorts. And I like my face. And finally, I realized that I really didn’t hate wearing the tuxedo for Britt’s birthday prom, so maybe owning a pair of pants would be a good idea.
And you know what? They were comfortable, I liked how I felt and looked, and none of the issues I had with pants in previous years seemed to really exist anymore. Pants really aren’t so bad after all. In fact, I might even start to like them.
Welcome to my life, pants.
Photo by findmew
Avitablehood of the Traveling Pants
The Christmas Card.
This post would have made a lot more sense yesterday when I was actually driving from Buffalo to Toronto
Twitter: Amanda234
says:
That’s totally going to be the picture they use in the newspaper when you get arrested… you know, for whatever
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Twitter: mapsgirl
says:
For not liking pants, you wear them well. You look very nice!
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
The pants are great, but My God, man…you have no arms!
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Nice pants. Looking good, Sir
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I’m sorry about your gramma
I think she would be proud that you bought pants just for her!
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Twitter: alotofnothing
says:
The fact that you used “slacks” in a post is giving me cause to call the authorities.
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Twitter: ashleighlynne
says:
I’d like to call you a traitor for wearing pants, but you look good in them so I’ll let it slide. For now, anyway.
I still think pants are pointless.
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Twitter: maria0305
says:
Never thought I’d see the day…
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Twitter: whyrustalkingme
says:
Damn Adam, you look really good! Keep up the good work!
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Twitter: SwanShadow
says:
I thought pants were supposed to be on the ground.
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Perfect attire for the ‘black sheep’ of the family!
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Twitter: mrlady
says:
I’d hit it.
I mean that in the most platonic sense, of course.
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Woohoo, looking very well there sir!!
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You know that pants equates to underwear in the UK. And if I take that meaning, it actually makes this post even funnier. Mind, the photo needs amending to you in your undercrackers.
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@Ian, so….what do they call slacks or jeans in the UK??
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@Bonnie B., Jeans are jeans, but slacks are monikered trousers.
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Pants are nicer to thinner folks. Pants seem to like me less since the last hospital packed 30+ pounds on me with their bacon, egg, and cheese diet.
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Twitter: Faiqa
says:
Aww, you look handsome. And, like an extra from the Godfather.
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That’s all well and good, but still beware of Pillow Pants!
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Twitter: GrandeMocha
says:
It is always nice to make new friends!
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Very handsome
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OMG Adam you look so good why have you not been wearing pants more!??! What is that on the door behind you? It look like you use the door as a coaster for hot chocolate. Also, what a cute smirky smile you have. You a real lady killer!
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Twitter: elizabethbarone
says:
Very handsome!
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Pants for life!
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
yeah, i’d totally do ya. twice.
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Wow, your words were a bit old-man-ish there. I like pants once in a while myself, but only for occasions. I’m in jeans the rest of the time. Jeans don’t count as pants because pants don’t make farts sound as good. Well, good jeans anyway.
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Twitter: msmegan
says:
1. Pants do not believe in you either.
2. “slacks”? Really? Are you 60? I can’t believe you actually used the word “jeans” instead of “dungarees.”
3. Nice pants.
4. Me-ow.
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Twitter: Jayman3768
says:
Well, those are nice pants. I guess. I can’t help feeling that you’ve abandoned the Pantless Movement though. You were our inspiration and leader. We’ll have to find someone new now. Maybe Lady Gaga?
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Twitter: twinmomoftwinz
says:
I’m glad you kissed and made up with pants. You like nice.
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Am I the only one that prefers you without pants? *snerk*
And yeah, keep the smirk. Melikey.
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Down with pants!
Oh. I mean, UP with pants!
Whatever. It’s a good picture!
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Twitter: themuskrat
says:
Who’d you get to take this picture anyway? The camera timer?
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Shorts are against my religion. My religion is based primarily on shorts being both phenomenally unattractive, and uncomfortable.
Because shorts are heinous.
Carry on.
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*cat-call* Lookin’ good!
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Twitter: leeleykeel
says:
look at you, wearing pants. you’re all growed up.
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Twitter: shellimil
says:
You look handsome!
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Oh! You look VERY dashing!
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Twitter: Zakary
says:
RAWR.
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Pressed and pleated pants protect privates, present positive persona to parents and provoke plenty of patter from people participating.
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Pants are probably more slimming because the eye isn’t drawn to legs and shorts which breaks up the view. Go with pants. They look good.
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The last paragraph sounded just like something out of Dr. Suess. “Black Pants On Adam”
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
Pants are eeeeeevil! Turn back now!
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Twitter: http://whall.org/blog
says:
I call foul. You totally wore pants when we met in Vegas for #VegasBB because I completely remember you trying to take them off in front of me the whole trip.
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Hottie. (Oh, what a giveaway.)
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Twitter: thepsychobabble
says:
I am happy that pants are nicer to you now. Pants in general are kind of the assholes of the garment industry (well, excepting speedos, natch)
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Twitter: ellemmes
says:
le rowwwwl
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My condolences on the passing of your grandmother.
(Pants look good too.)
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Holy Doodles Adam!!! YOu look fantastic!!! You’re momma must have been proud.
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You look quite dapper.
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
Nice lookin’, hon. I’m sure your grandmother was smiling.
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