“Mission: Impossible” and “Airplane!” star Peter Graves was found dead last night at the age of 83 under mysterious circumstances, and as one of the preeminent journalists who has a picture of themselves eating ice cream with Hitler, I was invited to interview him:
Me: Hi Peter, thanks for meeting with me.
PG: (in a whisper) I am not Peter. I’m on a top-secret mission and my name is Dyed. Howie Dyed.
Me: Well, I’m here to interview Peter Graves and I wanted to find out how he died.
PG: Yes?
Me: Oh, I see what you did there. Two can play that game. Have you ever been in a Turkish prison, Peter?
PG: I told you, Peter’s not here.
Me: But he-
PG: Oh, Buddy’s been in a Turkish prison.
Me: Sigh. And he’s the same as Peter Graves?
PG: Andy? No, Andy has nothing to do with Peter Graves.
Me: Now I’m confused how he-
PG: Yes?
Me: Okay. I want to talk to Peter. Will he-
PG: Willy’s in the other room.
Me: Oh. My. God. I want to punch you so f-
PG: Yusuf? That’s our target. Have you seen him?
Me: That didn’t even sound like the same thing! Now I know you’re just fucking with me.
PG: King Withme is Yusuf’s boss. Whose side are you on?
Me: Youon isn’t here right now.
PG: Don’t be a moron.
Enjoy this interview? Check out my other dead (mostly) celebrity (mostly) interviews:
Corey Haim
My Grandmother
Roy Scheider
Zelda Rubinstein and J.D. Salinger
Brittany Murphy
Oral Roberts
John Lennon
Ken Ober
Henry Gibson
Patrick Swayze
Ted Kennedy
John Hughes
Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett
Walter Cronkite
Billy Mays
Ed McMahon
Stephen Hawking
Robert Novak
Caylee Anthony
David Carradine
Martin Luther King, Jr.
My Interview with Adolf Hitler
My Interview with Dennis Hopper
My Interview with that Chinese guy who killed all the kids.
From that article, I had no idea he was the younger brother of James Arness. Although when you think about it, they sounded a lot alike. Hmmm.
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Twitter: Faiqa
says:
Yusuf’s the target, huh? You’re going to get a kick in the nuts for that one.
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Twitter: maria0305
says:
I saw him in the Twitter trending topics last night, and was like “who the fuck is that?” Your interview gave me much needed insight.
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Twitter: themuskrat
says:
I never watched MI, but I loved him in “Airplane!” which I’ve likely seen 20+ times.
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Mysterious circumstances? How about because he’s 83?
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
grant totally took my comment.
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Interesting (irritating) interview of Impossible imp.
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By virtue of me being here, why yes, I have seen a grown man naked.
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Which of those picture guys is it that died? This was so confusing Adam!
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Shirley this is just a rumor!
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Twitter: drlori71
says:
I don’t like gladiator movies but I do like Airplane. Best. Movie. Ever.
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How DARE you mock the Amazing Peter Graves? You bastard! They should lock you up. That man is an American HERO.
Yeah, you can’t tell, but I’m cracking myself up right now. Heh heh.
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
I laughed sooooooooo hard out loud at this line:
PG: Yusuf? That’s our target. Have you seen him?
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Hahahahahaha
Well done, fucker.
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Obviously, I picked the wrong week to stop taking amphetamines.
(Yeah, I know, not his line but I’m like that)
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The dude was eighty fucking three?
MYSTERY SOLVED.
Also – are you sure you weren’t interviewing Bud Abbott or Lou Costello?
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Twitter: themuskrat
says:
I read it again…even better the second time. Surely this post needs a sequel when Leslie Nielsen dies.
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@muskrat, amen.
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Woahhh…Stephen Hawking died? Where have *I* been!
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Twitter: elizawhat
on March 17th, 2010 at Wednesday, March 17, 2010 @ 2:59 pm
@Sarcastica, I didn’t know until I read your comment! Now I feel bad for saying that the parking pay machine at the hospital some of my doctors’ offices are in sounds like Stephen Hawking…
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
I have to admit that I hated the Airplane! movies. But I loved him in Mission: Impossible and always enjoyed hearing him narrate the many episodes of Biography. Awesome guy.
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