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Things you can buy instead of an out-of-stock iPad

Apple has run out of iPads! You can’t pre-order them anymore, and the roll-out date has been pushed back at least a week or longer, depending on which type of iPad you want to buy.

So now you have $500-800 burning a hole in your pocket and you don’t want to wait. Avitable is here to help. You can . . .

  • Treat fifty of your closest friends to a screening of that Gerard Butler/Jennifer Aniston movie “The Bounty Hunter”.
  • Get a great lap dance at a shitty strip club or a shitty lap dance at a great strip club.
  • Buy 250 cases of Diet Coke.
  • Rent a monkey for a day.
  • Purchase a car from Honest Joe’s Used Auto Emporium.
  • Get Botox injected into your forehead.
  • Hire Rod Blagojevich to clean your house.
  • Have a grill installed in your mouth that says “AVITABLE RULZ” in cubiz zirconium.

Good luck with your new purchase!

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24 Replies to “Things you can buy instead of an out-of-stock iPad”

  1. Marta

    I so glad I do the preOrder even though Jason at work said that it would not sell out like the iphone. I will probably bring it with me and rub it into his face for being stupid and not getting it when he had the chance.

  2. Faiqa

    Wear a shirt made entirely of dollar bills (800 of them, actually) so that you can get the same feeling of elitist pride that you would walking around with an Apple product, and bask in the awareness that, much like if you were brandishing an actual iPad, people would mutter “for douches” as soon as you went out of earshot.

  3. HoosierGirl

    I don’t want an iPad. I have an iPhone and a totally rockin’ new laptop with a 17″ screen. I am satisfied.

    However, if anyone DOES have $500-$800 burning a hole in his/her pocket, please feel free to send it to me and either A. help me pay off this year’s tuition or B. help me get Rachael into the pricey college of her choice. I’m just sayin’….

    J.

  4. Blondefabulous

    1. Buy 41 tickets the the SRG Roller Derby Bout happening on Saturday 4/3 here in Sarasota.
    2. Buy 20 tickets to the SRG bout and 20 T-shirts with cash left over to send at the bar that serves beer and wine.
    3.Buy 10 tickets to the SRG bout, 10 T-shirts, and have money left over to donate to the SRG Roller Girl of your choice so she can go to Vegas to attend Rollercon!

    Just sayin…….

  5. Poppy

    Treat fifty of your closest friends to a screening of that Gerard Butler/Jennifer Aniston movie “The Bounty Hunter”.

    Now WHY would I do that? What about beers at The Ginger Man instead? Adam, come to NYC for beers.

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