Yesterday I woke up at 7:45 and really had to pee. Like, morning wood had to pee. The problem with morning wood pee is that it has a tendency to be a bit messier, in my experience. There’s more risk of splatter and splashing, which totally goes against my recent cleaning habits.
So I went outside, bare-ass naked, in my fenced-in backyard and peed. There’s something so freeing and exhilarating about it. And while I’ve never had the occasion to pee in the snow, I can only imagine that it’s even better!
Is it just me? Or do other people enjoy the freedom of urination in the great outdoors?
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So you say it’s your birthday . . .
This Friday the thirteenth day
Ummm… ew. That is all.
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@Kellee, ew? It’s just pee!
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@Avitable, Yes, eww! I don’t have a problem with bodily fluids or functions, but I certainly don’t find them anything in which to revel or find pride. I will never understand the male fascination with peeing on things in the great outdoors. Blech.
I work in the construction industry – new construction mostly – where all of those ever so highly developed men feel free to just pee where they are stranding, e.g. in the corner of the partially framed house where they are standing. Still think it’s cool?
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
When I was 8 years old and forgot my house keys I peed my pants on the front walk of my home. And then my mom’s boyfriend’s son came home 3 minutes later from high school and let me in. sigh.
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@Poppy, well, THAT’s not a fun story.
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Twitter: poppycede
, April 11th, 2010: 10:16 AM
@Avitable, you should hear the story about the dear hanging from my garage ceiling, bleeding onto a tarp on the floor. No one bothered to mention I’d find that on my way to the school bus that morning.
Aaaaand now you know why I am the way I am.
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Twitter: ItsToni
says:
It’s only a man thing. Really. It is.
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@Toni, I think it must be.
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I have to say the fresh air does feel rather good on the neather regions.
=]
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@Irene, yes it does!
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Twitter: Amanda234
says:
I once briefly tried to pee in the woods, then realized that’s retarded. Indoor plumbing was invented for a reason, weirdo.
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@Amanda, pfft. The backyard was invented for a reason too!
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
I’ve peed outside, in the woods, in the backyard, in the snow, everywhere. Even in the corner of a hotel room once.
I’m really not proud of that last one.
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@B.E. Earl, What is it with you men and peeing in corners?!!!
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@Sybil Law, Seriously! I think that must be a genetic relic from Neanderthal man. Like how dogs will pee out of their way so as not to cross contaminate the areas. They are simply uncivilized, and after all these millennia we just have to accept that this is not going to change. hehe
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@B.E. Earl, shame shame.
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Um, that’s a man thing. I like toilets and toilet paper, thanks. (I’ve definitely peed outside a gazillion times, though. Just given a choice, I’d pick the inside.)
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@Sybil Law, men don’t need toilet paper. That’s probably one reason it’s less of a big deal.
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Maybe it’s just me, but I think there’s a lot more splash squatting in the woods than sitting on porcelain.
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@Twenty Four At Heart, but not when you stand. You can just let loose and it arcs away from you.
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Wasting-away wizard warily whizzes in wind.
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@avatgardener, The dog is going to be very upset and try to cover your message. Was there wind breaking in this evolution? And the usual sigh of relief? Curious minds, and all.
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@avatgardener, whee!
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Peeing outside has a sense of doing some good for the Earth. It’s a common practice when golfing, but you have to choose the right spots. Peeing in the snow and leaving a message for the next passer by is fun. The best is just being able to pee wherever we want.
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@Hockeymandad, one of the best parts of being a man.
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The only time I get penis envy is when I’m out snowmobiling for the day and all the guys get to pee on a tree or write their name in the snow while I have to wait until we get to the next gas station. Lucky bastards!
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@MB, you should try it too! Just jut your hips!
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@Avitable, You know, this is different when there are no alternatives. If you’re out in the wild and there are no options, you do what you have to do. You probably walked further to that spot in your backyard than it would have taken you to get to your bathroom… and that is just strange. hehe
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That’s part of making a house a home.
When looking at a new house, one should pee off the back porsch and await feedback.
If there is any, move on.
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@Uncle Gerry, very sage advice!
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Twitter: karensugarpants
says:
The only times I’ve peed outside is when we were camping. I hate camping. It’s dirty, gritty and I always have piss on my shoes.
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Yea… no. I don’t mind peeing outside, but I find nothing special about it. I do believe it is a man thing.
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Just wait until you get to experience the rapture that is taking a shit while running naked through your neighborhood at full speed.
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Used to do it after seeing a Sox game in the days of young and too stupid to “go” before leaving the park. We had a place in back of a small neighborhood grocery store. Then we came back one year and the grocery store was gone but was replaced by a mega food mart. We figured it was our pee that did that. Sort of helped it grow.
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K peed outside of the McDonald’s drive thru last night because he could not hold it any longer. All I wanted was a Diet Coke and what I got was the Austin Powers un-cryogenically frozen 10 minute urination from a 5-year-old.
He loved it.
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There’s nothing exhilarating about having to squat and pee, whether it’s outdoors or indoors over a public toilet. Something always gets wet – my feet, my pants legs, and one time, the back of my pants. But I do recall a particularly pleasurable outdoor pee, when my kids were small and one of them accidentally locked us out of the house. We ran to the neighbor’s to call my now-former husband, but it turned out he was using a spare set of keys that day. But he came home, put me up on his shoulders and tried to hoist me in through the only unlocked window, 1 1/2 stories off the ground. I couldn’t reach it and I started to giggle. He started to laugh too, which made me laugh even harder. After 3 kids, I suppose my pelvis floor muscles had weakened, because then I started to pee. He and the kids’ horrified reaction made me laugh even harder. The more I laughed, the more I peed until I had completely emptied my bladder, soaking the back of his shirt from the neck down! He, of course, was utterly disgusted, but I still laugh when I remember!
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@Kim, Funny.
are you still married to each other? If so, good job!! If not, was this a contributing factor?
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@avatgardener, It never occurred to me that this might have been a contributing factor, but we did split up about a year later, so now you’ve got me thinking!
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Here in WV, we pee outside all the time!
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Twitter: bobutler
says:
Peeing in the snow is cool, but mostly for the sound it makes. Aside from the usual whizzing sound, the snow melts rapidly and makes a cool almost-sizzling sound that’s louder than you’d imagine.
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@bo, Punch line from old joke – - – “it’s the Vice President’s pee but the First Lady’s handwriting”. Cracks me up when I think of it.
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It’s harder for girls to pee outside… so there’s absolutely nothing freeing about it!
Maybe I’m paranoid, but aren’t you afraid google maps will catch you doing that?
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Twitter: elizabethbarone
says:
Hahaha, @cat, “Google maps will catch you”! She’s right though. That would be too funny.
I think it’s a guy thing, as it’s harder for us chicks to pee outside. It’s doable; I’ve done it a few times. It’s not really messy. It’s just tricky. Mike pisses outside all of the time. I never really thought about it as freeing; I just thought it was more convenience.
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Twitter: Faiqa
says:
I’ve always thought that the desire/need to use indoor plumbing was the one thing that truly separated us from the beasts. But, you know, whatever works for you.
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Twitter: ellemmes
says:
I hate peeing outside. I always think a snake is going to bite my butt!
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Dude, I had a German neighbour who used to walk around his yard naked. He was sure that no one could see in… he was wrong.
I’m still scarred.
Peeing outdoors, totally a guy thing.
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Adam, I wouldn’t recommend you go outside bare naked to pee in the snow. At least put on a hat first.
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Twitter: themuskrat
says:
It’s a great benefit of being a homeowner. Almost makes the property taxes worth it.
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It’s not just you. While I may not pee in my own backyard, going camping, I’ll whizz anywhere where there’s not other campers belongings.
Another place to pee outdoors: when you are leaving the bar and you can’t find a public restroom, a nice secluded tree next to a building will work just fine to relieve the pressure.
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I like this website. I trully love to pee outside and will pee outside anytime, anywhere. I just need to be sure my neighbors cannot see me, but I like to see how far, long, or high and can shoot my urine stream. Peeing outside is GREAT!!!
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I peed outside just the other night. It was late, I was on the porch and too lazy to go inside. I was blocked from my more-civilized neighbors by a fence and a garage.
I’ve not written my name in the snow in 25 years or so.
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
often i am naked in my yard. don’t care what the neighbors think.
i love that you peed in your yard. in this new house (five years) i haven’t had to pee in the yard, but i did at the last one. and the apartment before that. and the one before that. and before that.
yeah, i wait too long and get to the point where i have to go NOW and there is no possible way that i can do steps in order to get to the bathroom. fortunately i now have a bathroom in the basement which is easily accessible from the garage as well as a bathroom on the regular level (no steps from the backyard).
so…you ever shit in your yard?
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Hey, it should be a law that people can pee outside anytime, anywhere. Peeing outside is better than taking drugs. I get high just thinking about peeing outside.
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Dude I now wanna nominate you as an honorary Oklahoman
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Thank you Cris, I think it is a great thing to pee outside. I live in Indiana, but I would pee outside in Oklahoma too.
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I love to go outside and pee long streams of urine. I like to see how far or high I can shoot my pee. I have been peeing outside since I was a boy of 12 years. I hope I can pee outside for the rest of my life. IT IS FUN TO PEE OUTSIDE!
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HEY, PEEING OUTSIDE IS JUST GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LIKE TO HOLD MY PENIS AND PINCH THE TIP, SO I CAN SHOOT THE STREAM 5 OR MORE FEET!!!
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