Yesterday I enjoyed a lazy afternoon drinking margaritas with Faiqa and Britt. I told them this story, and their reactions informed my decision to share it here.
Artist's depiction
About one month ago, I visited a new primary care physician who came highly recommended. I figured, since my current health insurance will only last as long as it takes for the divorce to be finalized, I need to take advantage of preventive care while I can. My new doctor is a prim and proper, very serious, short, tiny Indian woman who kind of reminded me of what Yoda would be like if it was an Indian doctor. She was also very well-informed, and suggested some treatment for a few ailments I had. After telling her that I was going through a divorce, had a lot of stress from work, and had days where I just stared at my computer screen but couldn’t bring myself to do any work, she suggested that I give the anti-depressant Lexapro a try for thirty days to see if that helped. She said that it sounded like I might have mild depression but that’s not uncommon after huge life changes. Then she prescribed blood work, gave me some Lexapro samples, and told me to come back in 30 days.
Cut to this past Friday.
“Hello, Mr. Avitable,” she said, carrying her laptop as she entered the room.
“Hi.”
“How have you been feeling? Anything you need to talk about?”
“Well, yeah. I’ve been on the Lexapro for thirty days now.”
“And how has that been going?”
“Well, I’ve noticed a bit more motivation, but unfortunately, I’ve also noticed some lethargy and sexual side effects, too.”
“Okay.”
“My therapist suggested Wellbutrin instead. She said that even if that’s a bit stronger, it might not have the same negative side effects.”
“Hm. Okay, well, tell me again what’s been going on.”
“Oh, well, usually, when I masturbate, it’s a piece of cake and I know I can reach orgasm in whatever time I need, like 5-10 minutes or so. But recently, it’s taking me like 45 minutes or more and even then I still can’t orgasm.”
“Umm, I was talking about why we put you on the Lexapro in the first place.”
So, anyone know a new primary care office I can go to, since I can’t show my face at this one ever again?
Enjoy this post? Try these:30 Days of Truth Day 3: Forgiving Myself
30 Days of Truth Day 15 – Something/someone I can’t live without
Oh, the friends I have . . .
You make me laugh every morning!!
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@J from Ireland, I try my best.
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Although I’m not laughing that your feeling under the weather!!
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Too funny. I think I would have walked out of her office after that. I hope you are at 100% soon.
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@MariaV, me too!
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Do people stare at you because one forearm is larger than the other?
Disproportionate musculature aside, I have to say that I’m glad you are seeing a therapist, only because it helps you to learn and grow from your last relationship so that when you decide to get involved again, you won’t take the baggage with you.
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Oh, and it’s totally her fault, she DID ask what was going on without being more explicit. She had to expect that you’d elaborate. Explicitly.
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@Jennifer, that is why I’m doing it!
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Twitter: Tara_R
says:
I’m sure in her long career… Yoda was like 900 years old, right?… she’s heard worse. Don’t worry about it.
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@Tara R., that’s probably true. But I wasn’t the one saying it to her!
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Delhi doctor describes de-depression doses; dude discovers delayed discharge. Done.
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@avatgardener, delayed or even disappearing!
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awhenever I have to tell my doctor something potentially embarassing, I always pump myself with the mantra “she’s heard so much worse, she’s heard so much worse, she’s heard so much worse.” I’m thankful for people like you who make that possible.
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@Yellaphant, I’m happy to pitch in. Although, hearing some of your stories, I’m gonna guess you’ve told your doctor MUCH worse.
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Twitter: bobutler
says:
If I didn’t come after 45 minutes I seek medication too. Talk about wasted time.
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@bo, exactly! What’s the point of all the fucking effort? Pun intended.
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I think women should find it a plus that you can last 45 minutes instead of just five or ten.
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@Grant, I should put that on a Match.com profile.
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Twitter: msmegan
says:
I had the same problem with Lexapro! Then I started to take it at night and it helped. While I did very well on Lexapro, I switched because of a weight issue. I now take Wellbutrin (at night) and love it.
And I’m sure the doctor has heard worse. If even she hasn’t, you’ve given her a great story to tell her family and friends. She should be paying YOU.
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@Finn, I take my Wellbutrin in the morning. It seems to be okay so far.
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Twitter: twinmomoftwinz
says:
She may have seemed prim and proper but I know she’s now shared that story over margaritas too. So really I’m sure she’s thanking you
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@Stacey, as long as I’m the source of good conversations over margaritas . . .
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Twitter: elizabethbarone
says:
Laughter is the best medicine. Keep laughing. (:
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@Elizabeth Kaylene, that’s the plan!
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Twitter: Faiqa
says:
I am mortified by this story. Only because I imagine my mom as having had a similar conversation at some point in her career…
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@Faiqa, and because you heard it in more detail the day before.
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My primary care doctor is HOT. It makes it very difficult to discuss my ailments. I hope I never have to explain sexual side effects of a drug to him.
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@Allyson, well, now I kinda hope that you do, just so we can hear about it!
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I can pretty much guarantee she’s heard WAY worse stories than that!!! Just go back. Geez.
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@Sybil Law, probably, but not FROM ME!
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Twitter: Jayman3768
says:
I’m surprised she didn’t ask you out after that.
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@Jay, she did slip me a number, now that I think about it. I thought it was for emergencies only, but maybe it was just for booty calls.
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Twitter: themuskrat
says:
Nice. I have no recommendations in your neck of the woods, I’m sad to say. I would go back just to see what she wrote in her notes on this last visit. I always think it’s interesting to see what doctors write about me.
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@muskrat, I’ll ask her to see her copious notes about how much of a perv I am.
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#snort
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@Miss Grace, heh.
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I think you should go back and bring flowers next time. If she remembers you she’ll have that “I remember you and know why you brought these” reaction, otherwise you’re home free. Unless she takes really good notes like my doctor. Besides, if she’s networked its like Vegas, your mug has been sent all over town. I could suggest my guy but its too long a drive for you to Waterford I’m sure.
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@Hockeymandad, I can probably never see a doctor again for the rest of my life.
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Twitter: GrandeMocha
says:
You are embarrassed to see your dr again but not too embarrassed to tell the internet?
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@GrandeMocha, shhh. Let’s not get logical here.
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Omigod. That’s a hilarious story, but you shouldn’t be embarrassed, she should! Read the fucking chart, woman! WTF?!
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@cat, I had the same thought!! What was on her computer screen? Her latest game of Solitaire???
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@Bonnie B., Seriously!
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@cat, I was surprised, too, by that.
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Twitter: perpstu
says:
Ha! This is hilarious, but i can see why you never want to go back to her again. However, she should have been a little more clear after you mentioned “sexual side effects.”
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@Karin, heh. I guess she’s good enough that I will show my face there again.
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Twitter: Zakary
says:
Well played, well played.
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@Zakary,
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Twitter: s_csr
says:
well, at least you didn’t have to explain why you can’t see out of one eye….
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@Sheila, that’s true, snotvision girl.
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Twitter: s_csr
, April 20th, 2010: 4:33 PM
@Avitable, don’t make fun of me or I’ll shoot snot at you.
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
Who does she think she is kidding? She TOTALLY wanted to know about the sexual side effects.
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@B.E. Earl, yeah, I should send her video.
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So, I’m a psychiatric nurse practitioner if you don’t know. And seriously, guys will be all shy about sharing the adverse sexual side effects. They will say stuff like, “i’m have trouble” then they look down. OR They will say, “it’s effecting my sex”. Then I spend the next 10 minutes having them spell out what’s wrong. bah.
I have NEVER had anyone bust out the exact details like that!
BRAVO!!
because dammit, I can’t help iffn you don’t share the deets!
And you can keep going to the doctor. Because she won’t remember this encounter. Just like she doesn’t remember the last encounter.
(btw, i am NOW a subscriber!)
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@Mrs. Hall, I totally wish she would remember, though. Shouldn’t she have had notes on that or something?
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Oh come on… no reason to never show your face there again. I’m sure they thought it was charming.
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@extra ordinary me, yes. Totally charming.
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Twitter: alotofnothing
says:
I highly suggest my Gyno, but he might be too far of a drive for you.
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@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing], plus, my vagina is hidden.
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
Wait. So, you’re suddenly embarrassed by the fact that you masturbate?
Hmm. Maybe have her read your blog.
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@Poppy, heh.
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Twitter: Beccas4
says:
Morher of god man, can’t u tell when they are only asking to be polite?? LMFAO!!!
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@Becca, apparently not!
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She probably won’t even remember this conversation at your next visit. Well, unless she typed it up on her laptop and attached it to your file.
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@Stacey, she probably has a blog and wrote about it on there.
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Darlin, you ain’t right but damn you are funny.
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@Dragon, that’s what makes it funny!
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