One of my favoritest people in the whole world, Casey, aka Mooshinindy, turns the ripe old age of 28 today! And I thought what better present could I give her other than something that I usually only reserve for dead celebrities? So I sat down yesterday and interviewed Casey and here you go!*
ME: Hi Casey, happy birthday!
MOOSH: Thanks! I’m happy to be here.
ME: So, people are always surprised when they find out that we’re friends, aren’t they?
MOOSH: Why? Because I’m a pure, innocent Mormon who’s one of God’s creatures and you’re swinging on the door to hell?
MOOSH: Well, I just tell people that I’m trying to save you.
ME: From? Tigers?
MOOSH: No, your soul!
ME: Ahh. But I believe in Jesus!
MOOSH: Adam, you named your penis Jesus.
ME: And I believe in him!
MOOSH: Sigh. I wonder if lightning can strike through an Internet connection. Am I also in danger here?
ME: No. Jesus will protect you.
MOOSH: What did we say? No more talking about your penis when you talk to the Mormon girl!
ME: I’m totally going to put this whole conversation on the Internet.
MOOSH: I will fucking kill you.
ME: Aha! You can’t reach me through the Internet!
MOOSH: Oh, but don’t you know about us Mormons? We’re everywhere.
ME: Oh shit.
MOOSH: You get some random knock on your door and there are two clean cut young men standing there in white shirts and ties. You smile and start to tell them you’re not interested and shut the door, but one of them sticks their foot in. You open it, confused, and then they beat you in the face with their Bibles.
ME: Please don’t sic the Mormon Attack Squad on me!
MOOSH: Promise you won’t post this anywhere.
ME: Okay, I promise.
MOOSH: Good. We can’t have the whole fucking world finding out that I swear! Or that I talk to you at all, actually. I mean, it’s kind of embarrassing. What kind of person would associate with you?
ME: That’s an excellent point.
MOOSH: So, did you know that it’s Mormon tradition for all of someone’s friends to buy her extravagant birthday presents for her birthday?
ME: No, I had no idea.
MOOSH: Yup! And if her friends don’t spend at least $200-300 each on her, she will go straight to hell.
ME: Well, damn. I don’t want you to go to hell.
MOOSH: I know you don’t. That’s very sweet. So here’s my wishlist. Go crazy.
ME: Well, I need to watch my budget now, with the divorce and all.
MOOSH: Oh, I see how it is. You WANT me to go to hell. Fine. Fucker.
ME: Okay. I guess I’ll go spend lots of money on you for your birthday. What are friends for?
ME: But first, I’m going to go touch Jesus for a while.
Enjoy this interview? Check out my other dead (mostly) celebrity (mostly) interviews:
Zelda Rubinstein and J.D. Salinger
Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett
Martin Luther King, Jr.
*Everything in this interview is completely manufactured and no interview actually took place. Casey does not swear and my penis is not named Jesus. Although my testicles ARE named Luke and Matthew. Happy birthday, Casey! Love you lots!
**Also, it’s Brittany’s birthday too. I don’t know Brittany that well, but she’s damn funny. Happy birthday, Barefootfoodie!