This post is my 2,000th post. I have written over 800,000 words. You commenters have left almost 60,000 comments and written over 1.7 million words.
At first, I felt like this was a bit of an accomplishment. I mean, 2,000 isn’t something to scoff at! It shows dedication, and a work ethic and, most importantly, a case of diarrhea of the mouth. But man I was proud. Until I started thinking about it. How do you gauge your success as a blogger with a milestone like this? It’s easy when you turn a certain age to say “Well, Alexander the Great had conquered half other world by the time he was my age, so I’m obviously a complete failure.” But it’s not that easy to translate 2,000 blog posts into any type of measure of success without anything to which to compare it.
So I’ve decided to set up some milestones of my own for the future. This way, I can totally keep track of exactly how much of a failure I am!
By the time I’ve written . . . .
2,300 posts, I will have redesigned my blog.
2,500 posts, I will have finished writing my book.
3,000 posts, I will get 500 comments per post.
3,500 posts, I will get 500 sexual propositions per post.
4,000 posts, I will have my second book written and a movie deal for the first.
4,500 posts, I will have retired from blogging a multi-millionaire.
So, looks like you’d better enjoy me while you’re can – I’ll be gone in 7 short years!
Happy 2,000th post to me, and thank you to each of you who has read, commented, delurked, emailed, sent naked photos, named your babies after me, stalked me outside my window, and offered sexual favors in return for my artwork. I wouldn’t have gotten this far without each and every one of you.
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Lazy Award Post Day
man, THAT’S what i’ve missed. sending you a naked photo….
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@gorillabuns, it’s never too late.
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I always thought diarrhea of the mouth went along with constipation of the brain — but clearly that’s not true in your case. What does one say that sounds appropriately congratulatory? Oh, I know: whatever you do, don’t take Immodium.
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@Mrs RW, good call. I’ve gone down that path before.
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i’d like to go ahead and proposition you for sex FIVE HUNDRED times. all in different positions of course. don’t worry, i’m flexible. wow! you didn’t even have to wait for your 3,500th post for that to happen. lucky you. =)
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@Maddie Marie, I AM lucky! I’ll start counting now.
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
I’ve only read about half of your posts. The other half were before I was reading your blog so they don’t exist in my world. It’s all about me.
Oh, and congrats.
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@B.E. Earl, if a post is written and nobody hears it, does it really exist?
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Is it too late for me to offer you sexual favors for your artwork or at least a t-shirt?
Congrats, Adam! Thank you for the laughs.
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@MariaV, it’s never too late.
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So I have to wait another while before I can offer you sexual propositions huh?
Congrats on your 2000th post, fucker!!
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@J from Ireland, thanks, fucker.
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Twitter: blondefabulous
says:
Dude, I don’t even keep track of my posts. I just write….. such an underachiever, I am!
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@Blondefabulous, WordPress does it automatically for you, so that’s the only reason I realized it.
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as a commenter, i would just like to say that with more words in? we are winning.
Also, I suggest that for your 5,000th post, we all get to fuck you.
congrats!!
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@marymac, you are totally all winning, but apparently for my 5,000th post, I’d be the winner.
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Twitter: _scifidad_
says:
Wait… sometime in the next year there will be no more Hitler?!?
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@SciFi Dad, he might still be here, but in a reduced capacity.
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I name my toilet babies after you every morning.
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@ADW, awww, that’s so sweet.
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Happy birthday, Adam!
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@Clown, thanks. Where’s my fucking cake?
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Twitter: Tara_R
says:
Congrats on your 2000th!
Who will portray you in this blockbuster movie of yours?
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@Tara R., either Kevin Smith or George Clooney.
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prolific poster proudly parades possible postmarks. presently passes on penis picture. people proposition positions.
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@avatgardener, I got nothin’.
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Twitter: missbritt
says:
Why is it that when YOU blog it shows work ethic, but if *I* blog I am not working hard enough???
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@Miss Britt, and that’s why I’m fat.
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Happy 2000th!
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@delmer, thanks!
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Twitter: themuskrat
says:
I’m glad you’re finally admitting your appreciation for the weekly naked photos I send.
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@muskrat, they’re definitely appreciated and go right in my “special” folder.
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Twitter: bobutler
says:
Why would you stop at 4,500? 5,000 is such a nice, round number. Plus that’s 250,000 more sexual propositions.
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@bo, oh, good point. Okay, then.
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You’re welcome. Happy 2000th.
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@Hockeymandad, thanks!
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
I keep thinking this blogging thing is going to fade away but one thing I do know will never fade away is my need to express my opinions and thoughts.
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@Robin, it might evolve, but I don’t think it will fade away just yet.
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Let’s get you well underway to #3,500 with WHOO – BUTT SEX!
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@Grant, it’s a plan. What’s our safe word?
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Twitter: msmegan
says:
How many of these propositions will you actually be accepting? And does LoseIt track calories burned during sex? Because I see a new exercise program in your future.
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@Finn, it totally does track calories burned during sex. It’ll be the new fad sweeping the nation.
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
oh happy day! that’s a lot of writing and dedication. wanna fuck?
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@hello haha narf, my dick doesn’t reach all the way to Pittsburgh.
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Twitter: Jayman3768
says:
Congrats on post #2,000. And best of luck to you on your future plans. If that whole getting offers for sex thing works out let me know and I’ll increase my blogging output.
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@Jay, I’ll let you know. So far I’ve only gotten offers from you and Grant.
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Twitter: HeadlessMom
says:
2000 is big, but Total World Domination is bigger. Get moving.
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@Headless Mom, I’m working on it!
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Congratulations!!
You can never just relax and enjoy it, can you?!!
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@Sybil Law, never!
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Congratulations, you wild thang! I’m glad I found you. What would me life be like if I hadn’t?!! Sad and dreary, I’m sure. xoxo
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@Nenette, definitely. I’ve improved your life.
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Twitter: AmazingGreis
says:
Wow, 2000 is a lot of posts. Congrats!! Here’s to many more naked pictures, sexual favors and posts of course!
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@AmazingGreis, hear hear!
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Twitter: tlkaply
says:
Yeah, dude, good luck with that.
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@Tracy Lynn, you doubt my ability?
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Twitter: alotofnothing
says:
DRINKS FOR EVERYONE!
or just me.
Congrats!
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@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing], drinks are good.
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
Your copyright at the bottom of your blog still says 2009.
You’re welcome.
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@Poppy, thank you – I fixed it!
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Twitter: elizabethbarone
says:
Congrats!
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@Elizabeth Kaylene, thank you.
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Happy 2,000! Glad I could do my part.
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@MB, it’s all thanks to you.
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Twitter: kimt205
says:
Yay !
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@Kim,
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Wishing you at least 2000 more. Thanks for the laughs!
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@Selma, no, thank you.
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
5,000 posts – Hire Coal Miner’s Granddaughter to be your biography ghostwriter. Evil laugh to follow!
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@Coal Miner’s Granddaughter, ooh, good thinking!
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Congrats! That really is quite an accomplishment. In almost two years I have just under 260 posts…wow, I’m totally feeling like the beetle dung of the blogosphere.
Seriously, you have made your mark here. I, and a gazillion others, love you. There may be a handful of those that love to hate you…but only because they’re jealous.
2,300
Puleeze don’t. I love this design.
2,500
Book? Where have I been? Can I sign up now for pre-sale?
3,000
Well maybe if I and the majority of your readers get off our lazy asses and actually leave a comment instead of just taking advantage of your wit and sarcasm.
3,500
Uhm, yeah. Good luck with that one. (Hint: ‘Pooping in a cup’ videos aren’t a great tactic for that.)
4,000
Second book? Where have I been? Can I sign up now for a pre-sale of that one?
4,500
You can’t retire. No, you can’t. If I read only one blog a day it has to be yours (wiping the brown stuff off my nose…and no! I did NOT have anything to do with that whole ‘Pooping in the cup’ video!)
Seven years?
The seven year itch?
Will you end it by throwing the biggest Avitaween party ever and dress as Marilyn Monroe and wear a white skirt that is perpetually blown up by all your fans? Can I sign up now for a pre-sale ticket?
All joking aside, if there were a virtual sidewalk in Bloggywood you’d have a star on it. Congratulations Adam.
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@Employee No. 3699, my design needs to be redone. It’s almost five years old now. I’m not going to tame it down too much, though.
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2000!!!!!! You’re my hero.
You forgot to mention the stats about how many bestiality videos you’ve linked and how many 2 Girls One Cup type videos you’ve linked to. And how many, like an idiot, I’ve followed.
But my all time favorite post has got to be the one where your balls were hanging down from your shirt. THAT was truly classic Avitable.
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@Jason,
Thanksgiving balls beats balls under a T-shirt any day of the week!
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@Jason, and there shall be plenty more scrotum to come!
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Twitter: lceel
says:
Glad I could be of help and/or service – limited though it may have been.
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Can I send you celebratory cookies?
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Time? Well, spent.
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Congrats! So, you’ll retire a multi-millionaire from money you earned blogging or from your business?
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Twitter: Faiqa
says:
Congratulations. Your blog changed my life. It really did. I’ll always love you for that. And, damn, your writing a book? Now, I’m going to have to write one just so I can outrank you in Amazon sales.
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