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My 2000th post

This post is my 2,000th post. I have written over 800,000 words. You commenters have left almost 60,000 comments and written over 1.7 million words.

At first, I felt like this was a bit of an accomplishment. I mean, 2,000 isn’t something to scoff at! It shows dedication, and a work ethic and, most importantly, a case of diarrhea of the mouth. But man I was proud. Until I started thinking about it. How do you gauge your success as a blogger with a milestone like this? It’s easy when you turn a certain age to say “Well, Alexander the Great had conquered half other world by the time he was my age, so I’m obviously a complete failure.” But it’s not that easy to translate 2,000 blog posts into any type of measure of success without anything to which to compare it.

So I’ve decided to set up some milestones of my own for the future. This way, I can totally keep track of exactly how much of a failure I am!

By the time I’ve written . . . .

2,300 posts, I will have redesigned my blog.

2,500 posts, I will have finished writing my book.

3,000 posts, I will get 500 comments per post.

3,500 posts, I will get 500 sexual propositions per post.

4,000 posts, I will have my second book written and a movie deal for the first.

4,500 posts, I will have retired from blogging a multi-millionaire.

So, looks like you’d better enjoy me while you’re can – I’ll be gone in 7 short years!

Happy 2,000th post to me, and thank you to each of you who has read, commented, delurked, emailed, sent naked photos, named your babies after me, stalked me outside my window, and offered sexual favors in return for my artwork. I wouldn’t have gotten this far without each and every one of you.

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80 Replies to “My 2000th post”

  1. Mrs RW

    I always thought diarrhea of the mouth went along with constipation of the brain — but clearly that’s not true in your case. What does one say that sounds appropriately congratulatory? Oh, I know: whatever you do, don’t take Immodium.

  2. Maddie Marie

    i’d like to go ahead and proposition you for sex FIVE HUNDRED times. all in different positions of course. don’t worry, i’m flexible. wow! you didn’t even have to wait for your 3,500th post for that to happen. lucky you. =)

  3. Jay

    Congrats on post #2,000. And best of luck to you on your future plans. If that whole getting offers for sex thing works out let me know and I’ll increase my blogging output.

  4. Employee No. 3699

    Congrats! That really is quite an accomplishment. In almost two years I have just under 260 posts…wow, I’m totally feeling like the beetle dung of the blogosphere.

    Seriously, you have made your mark here. I, and a gazillion others, love you. There may be a handful of those that love to hate you…but only because they’re jealous.

    Puleeze don’t. I love this design.

    Book? Where have I been? Can I sign up now for pre-sale?

    Well maybe if I and the majority of your readers get off our lazy asses and actually leave a comment instead of just taking advantage of your wit and sarcasm.

    Uhm, yeah. Good luck with that one. (Hint: ‘Pooping in a cup’ videos aren’t a great tactic for that.)

    Second book? Where have I been? Can I sign up now for a pre-sale of that one?

    You can’t retire. No, you can’t. If I read only one blog a day it has to be yours (wiping the brown stuff off my nose…and no! I did NOT have anything to do with that whole ‘Pooping in the cup’ video!)

    Seven years?

    The seven year itch?

    Will you end it by throwing the biggest Avitaween party ever and dress as Marilyn Monroe and wear a white skirt that is perpetually blown up by all your fans? Can I sign up now for a pre-sale ticket?

    All joking aside, if there were a virtual sidewalk in Bloggywood you’d have a star on it. Congratulations Adam.

  5. Jason

    2000!!!!!! You’re my hero.

    You forgot to mention the stats about how many bestiality videos you’ve linked and how many 2 Girls One Cup type videos you’ve linked to. And how many, like an idiot, I’ve followed.

    But my all time favorite post has got to be the one where your balls were hanging down from your shirt. THAT was truly classic Avitable.

  6. Faiqa

    Congratulations. Your blog changed my life. It really did. I’ll always love you for that. And, damn, your writing a book? Now, I’m going to have to write one just so I can outrank you in Amazon sales.

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