I Call It Dating. You Call It Stalking.

The worst dating sites on the Internet

Keep in mind that these are all real. These are some of the most fucked up, craziest dating sites on the Internet:

6. Cougar Life

Site: Cougar Life
Concept: Where a cougar can meet her cub
Most Likely Used By: Old creaky women with dusty vaginas and college-aged boys with financial needs
Fun Fact: A 33-year old hairy fat man is considered a bear. And cougars hate bears.

5. Sugar Daddie

Site: Sugar Daddie
Concept: Find your sugar daddy or sugar woman.
Most Likely Used By: Rich men and women and people desperate for a relationship based on nothing but money.
Fun Fact: In fourteen states, this is technically prostitution.

4. Women Behind Bars

Site: Women Behind Bars
Concept: Find the prison babe of your dreams
Most Likely Used By: Murderers and drug addicts and the damaged men who can’t wait to fix them.
Fun Fact: 20% of the dates that happen after the women are released end up with some type of genital mutilation.

3. Nudist Friends

Site: Nudist Friends
Concept: Find the nudist person who is right for you.
Most Likely Used By: People who don’t look a fucking thing like the ones in the photo above.
Fun Fact: It’s considered bad manners to sit on your date’s towel during a nudist date.

2. Crazy Lovers

Site: No Longer Lonely
Concept: Dating community for people afflicted with mental illnesses.
Most Likely Used By: Nutjobs, whackos, crazies, psychos, and fans of Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck.
Fun Fact: For the most unique dates and variety from date to date, search for multiple personality disorders.

1. Daily Diapers

Site: Daily Diapers
Concept: Find an adult baby who’s right for you.
Most Likely Used By: Weird fucking men who like to wear diapers and poop and pee in them and the women who can’t wait to change them.
Fun Fact: German fetishists think these guys are fucked up.

100 thoughts on “The worst dating sites on the Internet”

  1. I perused sugardaddie once, just to see. and really, it was very sad. cause dude, if you’re all rich and stuff, that will never make up for the fact that you a loser who has no class or kindness for the ladies.

    cause the men would fall into two categories 1) nerd sad guy with no lady loving skills or 2) rich assholes who were shopping for blow up dolls.

    sad really. thumbs down.

    I dont’ know why i had high hopes, call me a romantic I guess.

    1. @Mrs. Hall,

      A romantic? I’d call you a dumb whore who can’t admit she’s a whore. Do you really not know what you are? You really expected to meet a Richard Gere in Pretty Woman kind of guy? Wake up.

  2. Really ? This is what I have to deal with? DAMNIT why did my husband have to die on me ?!

    *sigh* Guess I’ll be relegated to “friends with benefits” and “battery operated boyfriends” for the rest of my life.

    Wait, why was I bitching again ?

  3. 14,500 Free photos of the diapered? See, that’s the problem with the Internet. If everyone keeps giving it away how is a girl supposed to make a living. And they wonder why we need Sugardaddies.

    1. @B.E. Earl,
      My husband* has a profile on Ashley Madison. And, Adult Friend Finder. It’s absolutely disgusting and sad. Especially considering I just had a new baby, and we have two other kids. Fucker.

      *Soon to be ex-husband, that is.

      1. @Avitable, I’ve heard some stories about never meeting up with the person who was supposed to meet you, etc… There is even a website called AshleyMadisonSucks.com which exposes the scams. Doesn’t affect me either way. They advertise on Howard Stern, Opie & Anthony and Ron & Fez on Satellite Radio and I immediately turn the station. Not that I listen to Howard Stern. That’s Gia’s preset. Ugh.

    1. @Andria, if you do go on dates, just check for a diaper subtly by listening for a scrunch when they walk or sit and see if they ever get up to to go the bathroom or if they just go slackjawed and say “Ahhhhh” for a minute in the middle of dinner.

      1. @Avitable,
        You know, on second thought, that wouldn’t be as bad as dating someone with an enema fetish. (Please tell me there aren’t any dating websites devoted to enemas.)

  4. only considered prostitution in 14 states eh… well, I’m Canadian so where do I sign up???!!

    I would totally get his and hers sugar daddies/mammas… I think that will be my anniversary gift to my husband… get us each a rich um… shit- well it can’t be spouse because I KNOW that’s bigamy and illegal… maybe we should move to Utah…

  5. I can’t believe you hacked into my computer, found all my online profiles from 10 years ago, and then exploited my desperate attempts to eradicate loneliness on the internets.

    The diaper thing was just to get me through a NASCAR race…don’t judge.

      1. @Avitable, saying “sure, I guess” in response to “hey, will you take a look at this profile I set up for a dating site and tell me if my smile looks funny in the pictures?” is NOT ASKING FOR IT!

      1. @Avitable, LOL – no – it’s the fact that there was enough people already with those similar beliefs to actually form a website for them. I mean…I have to say…the nudist site kinda gives me a peaceful Adam & Eve type feeling…but I’d still have to pass. :)

  6. Adam, don’t forget Hannidate. The only dating service sponsored by Sean Hannity. It’s where conservative minded people can find others like them so they aren’t lonely when they decide to go galt.

      1. @Avitable, It is in fact a real site, and has been around for at least 3 years. One of the blogs I read used to print some of the registered users profiles, and some of them were REALLY out there.

  7. Ew barf i think I threw up on the diaper ones. Hmm wonder what would happen if someone from the nudist one and the diaper site got together? That would be some serious compromise I guess…to clothe or not to clothe.

    1. @martymankins,

      I thought the same thing about Cougar Life, until I joined!….I wish I’d done some research on it first!…..They baited me in by sending a bunch of messages when I was a guest member!….soon as I upgraded my membership, and replied to each message I did not get ONE response!….11 messages from 11 different profiles when I was a guest….0 responses once I paid!….the only responses I got after that was all from those damn 419 Nigerian Scammers, and those webcam girls!….It’s a good thing I only upgraded for a month!

  8. I have considered making website that essentially amounts to “choose your date”, combining all of the dating sites into one. The idea would be that you would fill out a multiple choice questionaire on what you wanted on your date. This would make dating much more comfortable because you would know ahead of time that she is just looking for a screw and not a serious relationship. (as an example) All of these sites have problems matching people on their first date. Rather than having 50 different websites with these weird questions about personality which usually don’t get to the point, or trying to match people by fetish (maybe I spend too much time in the nude) combine all into one site.

    Sometimes you start out with a sex date and it turns into a relationship. Sometimes you meet someone and talk your way into a relationship. Like Zoosk.com, which has lots of pictures, sometimes it takes looking at a person to identify the right one. Sometimes you aren’t looking for the right one, just a temporary. We need to know this on the first date, otherwise this is nothing more than a disaster. And yes, we can’t forget those 3 somes and all that other stuff that does exist. They made a site for diaper fetish people, so there must be some out there. It is hard enough to find a significant other, and dealing with stupid websites that play games makes it all more difficult.

    How many people have actually met someone at all on a dating site?

  9. The cougar thing is not bad, but again, makes you play a game. The sugardaddies thing in concept is good, but they way they implement it is not good. I’m looking for an older (30s and 40s, even 50’s if your still young) rich female that wouldn’t mind having a guy around to take care of. There are lots of rich guys that are picky, but just pick up your average guy like me, and the expectations are not as high. I don’t want your money, I just want a female that is fun, secure, and not so stuck up. Sometimes richer isn’t smarter, and that’s why you need me.

    How can these cheesy websites do this? The determining factor on most dating sites is photography. Bad lighting, close up shots, and the worse one, PICTURES OF YOU DRUNK AT THE BAR…. aren’t very interesting. Those adult sites are even worse, with some people posting closeups of their body parts. Take the picture so that we don’t see the ugly parts. Or don’t show us that at all. There are sexy naked people, and then there are just people without their clothes on that think that that alone makes them sexy…and they are sadly mistaken.

    Hair. Wear the hairstyle that you wore when you were in high school. Men are naturally programmed to look for their female that they are still looking for. You’ll find your ideal man simply with the right hair. Another trick is to look like a pop star. Just remember that you will be getting a strong attraction from those of the popular generation of that pop star. If you are 35, that might mean that you are getting lots of hits from 20 year olds, if the pop star is younger.

    Your picture’s background.

  10. total rip off hardly anyone on the site cost a fortune they keep sending you matches that don’t exisit or are scammers.
    Very expensive site for no return don’t go there waste your money and time

  11. These places make those scam Star Trek dating sites look Normal by comparison!
    There’s also a whole series of exotic dating sites which want you money and keep sending you e-mails of women who say they’re looking for you but haven’t been on there in Months…and to contact them all you have to do is Pay them…

    I’d also put Plenty of Fish and OKCupid up here. Mainly because of the harsh treatment they give to decent, honest guys who are, like, Perfectly Honest and not bullshitters: they get deleted in a week or two, if not in Days! I’ve been chucked off of there a dozen times for admitting to being an atheist, a Star Trek fan, and/or just a lonely, private guy who doesn’t want to post a picture up!
    On top of this you CANNOT contact any of the people who run these sites! Seriously, they won’t answer your e-mails and there’s no mailing addresses–NOTHING!

  12. FARMERSONLY.ocm lololol What a real joke.

    Most of the people on the Farmers Only site haven’t been on for months or WAY longer so I wouldn’t count them as “members”. The prices have gone up too much to join to read less than a handful of profiles in your area.
    None seem to be any different than the typical meat market match has always been.
    There’s no way to search your area without joining. You have to cancel the auto renewal charge which is too tricky of business as most people don’t even check their bill.
    There is a 3 day cool off period law in some states that many sites supposedly honor from what I read but they don’t honor it.
    No need to reply. Regular really low people looking for free rides.. no pun intended, I guess.

  13. I’ve not read through all the posts, but without doubt the WORST site, is MassLover. I don’t think there is ONE genuine profile on it, apart from mine, yes, I was stupid enough to part with my cash!!

    1. in fact add to that, and “Get an Affair” you can add to the list. Not ONE girl within 20 miles who was in a relationship, so their claim that it was a site for those in relationships looking to meet, was a complete CON!! PLUS, I was expected to sit in a queue of over 10 minutes using an 0845 phone number to cancel my future subscriptions, or even close my account. A stroppy email did the trick, but do yourselves a favour, and don’t bother in the 1st place. Think I’ll give it all up as a bad job LOL…

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