Racial profiling is all the rage now, thanks to Arizona’s new laws, but it’s been an issue for many years. The concept of being pulled over for DWB has been around for awhile. DWB stands for Driving While Black, although it can also stand for Driving While Brown and in one isolated situation, Driving With Bernie. It has also spawned other variations, such as FWM (Flying While Muslim), KWCAB (Kidnapped While Cute And Blonde) and OWBT (Ogled While Big-Titted).
All of this racial profiling may have all of you people thinking that us white folk have it easy, but it’s not true. Unbeknownst to you, there is also a large percentage of whiteys who have been pulled over simply for a DWW, or Driving While White. In fact, last night, as I was coming home from a friend’s house, I was subjected to this harassment. The conversation went something like this:
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: (mumbled under my breath) Probably for a DWW.
Officer: I’m sorry. Did you say that you think I pulled you over for being white?
Me: Yes.
Officer: Well, you’re right! Thank God you came along, dude.
Me: Really?
Officer: Yeah. All night long, it’s just been brothers and Mexicans. I really have been dying to see another white guy.
Me: It is nice to see another member of the secret fraternity of Caucasians.
Officer: That’s right. Honkey in the hizzy!
Me: Don’t do that.
Officer: So, wanna play with my gun? We can shoot at random cars if you want.
Me: I’d rather just use your police computer to look up some new neighbors to see if they’re illegal or not.
Officer: Oh sure! Want some petty cash, too? As you know, all of us in the fraternity keep a few extra thousand at all times in case of a dude in need.
Me: Sure – I wanted to buy tickets to see Paul McCartney and Eminem in concert. Plus I have to pay my dues at the country club.
Officer: Well, help yourself! Did you watch LOST yet?
Me: Yeah, it was amazing! I love that all white people got to see the series finale tonight, a week earlier.
Officer: We have all the perqs. We really do. Want a Zima?
Me: Definitely. Thanks.
Officer: Cheers. Here’s to Whitey!
Me: Cheers!
Officer: Okay, well, it’s been nice talking to you. I hope your day is white and your night even whiter.
Me: Thanks – you too! Long live the society of white dudehood. Good luck pulling over those darkies and Mexicans!
See? So don’t come crying to me next time some police officer asks to see your immigration papers just because you have slightly darker skin than I do. I have my own burdens to bear.
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Twitter: Amanda234
says:
mmm Zima
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@Amanda, hahahah! It’s been a long time since I’ve had one of those.
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I’ve gotten pulled over a few times for DWABP. Driving With A Black Passenger. Usually they let me go again, cuz of the cute white girl thing.
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@Miss Grace, maybe it was a case of being pulled over because you’re a cute white girl and they wanted your number?
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sp – Perks not perqs. I thought you’d want to know.
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@Valerie, actually, it’s perquisites, and the abbreviation is “perq”, but people started spelling it “perk” so that’s acceptable as well.
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@Avitable, I thought maybe “Perqs” was just your white slang term for doing Percoset.
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You ain’t right, if you ain’t white.
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@Andria, is that like the “once you go black” saying?
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Hahaha funny fucker!!
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@J from Ireland, I try.
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Oddly I have been pulled over for DWW. I was in a predominately black neighborhood and they thought little white girl was there to buy drugs
! I got searched can you believe it? All for being lost!
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
Reads like it could have been a sketch from the Dave Chappelle Show. In a good way.
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You can get pulled over for DWW when you’re looking for drugs and hookers. “What are you doing in this neighborhood sonny?” Like that. I hear.
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I have recently lost a few “friends” because they just didn’t get my view on the AZ law. That it was racial profiling. That it was wrong. Blah, blah, blah. They thought because I’m white I’d just understand the need for it, I guess. I don’t know.
Now, onto your post… I’ve been a victim of OWBT. Daily actually. It’s traumatic — if the person is creepy. Sometimes it’s worked to my favor. Like yesterday when I drove off with a loaner car from the Mercedes dealership (no really) far nicer than the Mercedes I left to be repaired (seriously, I’m White, it’s what WE drive). I have never been offered petty cash though, probably because I’m not a man. I hear White men get more perks.
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Do they still make Zima?
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I can’t stand people who seem to prefer one race over another.
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Twitter: msmegan
says:
Do they even MAKE Zima anymore? Or do I just not know about it because I’m
blackhispanic>browna woman?Reply
Twitter: s_csr
says:
It’s so nice and refreshing to open up my email each morning and see what offensive dribble will be spewing forth from your entitled lips.
Glad to have you back, Adam
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Twitter: http://whall.org/blog
says:
But shirtless, you’re mostly black so it’s like you get the best of both worlds.
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ZIMA!! so effing funny!
here’s a site all about stuff that what white people like:
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/
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Ha ha. I always knew you were a part of the Illuminatti! (sp.)
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Zima. Hahahahaha
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Twitter: missbritt
says:
I thought getting pulled over for DWW was code for “we’re pretty sure you smoke weed.”
My mistake.
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Twitter: twinmomoftwinz
says:
Oh so that’s what happens. Thanks for enlightening me.
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
I pity you but then I already did.
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Twitter: elizabethbarone
says:
Arizona is seriously freaking me the fuck out.
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Did you ever see Tank Girl?
Can you believe Ice Tea played a human kangaroo hybrid? That’s awesome!
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
cocksucker, every time i get pulled over i have to pay fines and they threaten to take away my license if i don’t slow down! there is no way they could mistake my pale self for being anything other than white. wait. they don’t like the irish, do they?
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Twitter: themuskrat
says:
my first alcoholic beverage (other than a sip) was zima. it truly was zomething different.
isn’t there an old minor threat song called “guilty of being white”? i’ll bet you listen to it daily.
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My DWBs decreased when i married a white boy!
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That was some funny shit!! I need more of that in my life. Thanks!!!
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We could avoid this entire colloquy if we simply banned private cars and made public transportation mandatory.
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Twitter: Faiqa
says:
Yeah? Well, I get a discount at the gas pump, so fuck you, whitey.
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Oh my, and all I was doing is what you suggested in your post at http://native-born.com/2010/05/13/the-air-out-there/:
“I would like each of you to think about the air you breathe today.
Think about discussions regarding universal health care, foreign policy, civil unions, policies restricting certain citizens from serving in the military, consumer protection, corporate responsibility, food production, offshore drilling, and alternative energy.”
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