Every year, adult film companies come up with oh-so clever porn films that have titles very similar to blockbuster films out at that moment. Some examples of this marketing genius would be Good Will Humping, Bareback Mountain, and Pump Friction.
I’ve decided to give the adult film industry some help by coming up with the names to use for their upcoming adult films. And while nothing I can come up with will be close to 30 Rock’s “Fresh-Ass, Based on the Novel Tush, by Ass-Phire”, I shall certainly endeavor to do my best:
- Hercock Bones: Watch she-male Hercock Bones solve crimes while declaring “It’s analmentary, my dear Cockson.”
- Assatar: What’s better than lots of buttsex? Lots of BLUE buttsex!
- Star Taint: For Captain Jessica Tits Krack, the key to saving the galaxy may be in that spot between that taint her vagina and taint her asshole.
- (500) Dates of Some Whore: One woman, 500 men, and a loose vagina.
- The Fantastic Mr. Cocks: In order to combat the evil women farmers Bongos, Peen and Cunts, Mr. Cocks must use his every wit and his 12-inch monster cock.
- Sperminator Salivation: The evil computer system Skytit has developed an unkillable fuck machine to wipe out all humans – well, the males, at least.
- GI Ho: The Rise of Boobra: Can this team of men culled from the world’s best branches beat Boobra? Will they be fast enough, hard enough, and thick enough?
- Fast and Bi-curious: A team of drag racing men, all former convicts, band together to race through Los Angeles and explore each other’s taut, muscular bodies. Starring Vin Diesel.
- The Sucking of Pell’s Ham 1 2 3: The NYC subway system hosts this subway car orgy.
- Jennifer’s Body: A newly possessed cheerleader, played by Megan Fox, turns into a killer who specializes in offing her male classmates.
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lol Sperminator Salivation! HAHAHAHA!
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I’m sure the Japanese have already made several versions of the last one. In fact, Terminatrix seemed like a mix between that and #6.
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The Big Short – porn movie version of the current bestseller. Short peckered Quant during the mortgage meltdown.
Too big to Fail – sequel where Avitable saves the financial system with a cameo dream sequence appearance by ancestor Paolo.
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Twitter: msmegan
says:
I see your assuming these “films” will actually have a plot. Silly boy.
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Twitter: msmegan
, May 21st, 2010: 9:32 AM
@Finn, Um, it’s “you’re.” I need not to be here today. Oy.
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Wait. Porno movies have names? Seriously? I guess I just never noticed.
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That would be a great job. But I bet the pay is crap.
It must be, why else would they make a porn version of the golden girls?
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Twitter: lceel
says:
Somewhere in the universe there’s a response to this … I just don’t have a fucking clue.
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Twitter: missbritt
says:
Jennifer’s Body made me giggle.
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My favorite is The Sucking of Pell’s Ham 1 2 3.
Hahaha
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This is fun! I want to come up with porn movie titles.
The Hurt Cocker
Iron Cock
Sher-Cock Holmes
Alice in Cock-land
The Men Who Stare at Cocks
How to Train Your Cock
Clash of the Cocks
Nightmare on Cock Street
Maybe I need more practice. Or more exposure to different genres of porn.
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Most of those seem like pretty reasonable ideas, but you’ve gone over the edge with that last one — crazy!
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Twitter: NenetteAM
says:
My favourite is “Fast and Bi-Curious”. Made me giggle a lot.
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Read most of the book but ‘never finished’. Watched the movie and wasn’t quite ‘satisfied’. What, pray tell would have been the answer? “The Lovely Boner”
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aaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha!
fast and bi-curious & (500) dates of some whore both seem genius. not that the plot really matters…
this should be your new business venture.
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