The Wizarding World of Harry Potter opened up yesterday at Universal Studios Orlando, and there were thousands of people who had nothing better to do with their time than wait in line. Over the next few weeks, the traffic promises to be just as ridiculous, and if you’re one of those people who crave the excitement of waiting in line for hours and hours instead of delaying your gratification to a more reasonable time, here are a few things you can do to amuse yourself:
10. Come up with porn versions of each Harry Potter film, like “Harry Twatter and the Sorcerer’s Bone”.
9. Eat one of KFC’s Double Down sandwiches, suffer from a heart attack, have open-heart surgery, recover, and rejoin your line.
8. Craft a compelling argument putting all blame on President Obama for the length of the line in which you’re waiting, the temperature, the odor of the people around you, and the current economic woes that forced you to choose between attending the opening of a theme park or paying your bills. Then craft an equally compelling argument blaming Bush.
7. Keep a straight face while having a serious discussion about which House you would be picked to enter.
6. Make your own Butterbeer out of Bacardi and Coke. Drink until you really think you can do magic.
5. Come up with 10 reasons that people actually watch soccer voluntarily.
4. Solve the oil leak crisis for BP.
3. Take 400 photos of the line in front of you and the outline of the Wizarding World.
2. Play a game of “Punchfatty” wherein you run through the line and every time you see some moron wearing something that’s wayyy too tight with fat rolls poking out of their clothes, you punch the other person in the arm. First person to reach 100 points wins.
1. Realize how much you actually hate Harry Potter.