The Urban Dictionary is an interesting yet scary place on the Internet. Next time you’re having a conversation with a group of friends and one of them says that she and her boyfriend did the Dutch Lumberjack last night, instead of just nodding your head and smiling, you can look it up and know that your friend’s boyfriend pushed her onto her stomach, yelled “Timber”, and fell on top of her, trying to aim his penis right for her butthole. Or if your mom is on the phone with you telling you that your dad pulled the ol’ cajun doorbell with her, you can easily research it to find out that your parents were mid-coitus in the position best known as “doggy style” when your dad licked his finger, dipped it in cayenne pepper, and stuck it in your mom’s ass.
I’ve decided that, in addition to fathering hundreds of Avitababies throughout the blogosphere, I’d like to leave my indelible mark on the world by coming up with my very own entries in the Urban Dictionary. So here goes:
KFC: Coating your testicles in cornmeal, deep frying them, and presenting them to your lover on a plate for him or her to enjoy as a lip smackingly delicious snack.
ex: Please take me to the hospital. I just did a KFC.
Pee Wee’s Big Adventure: When a man, prior to intercourse, dances on the bed naked, pointing to his crotch and ass with both hands in rapid succession, while singing “Tequila”.
ex: Faiqa is never more turned on than when her husband does Pee Wee’s Big Adventure.
Fail Whale: The unfortunate event when a woman tweets or blogs about upcoming sex with her boyfriend or spouse, only to have his equipment fail to operate according to expectations.
ex: Muskrat and Deb were finally alone in the house, but it just ended up being a giant Fail Whale.
Sideview mirror: When things in real life are larger than they may appear on the Internet.
ex: I went out with that girl from Match.com, but her photos were deceiving. She was a total Sideview Mirror.
Frankengina: Any type of sexual aid for men that is made out of household items.
ex: She caught her husband Shawn making a watermelon, saran wrap, and a bottle of honey mustard into a Frankengina.
Avitaballs: Testicles that have been decorated for the holidays.
ex: On Halloween, the kids and I love to drive around the neighborhood and check out the Avitaballs.
Kanye Chest: During intercourse, when a man pulls out, ejaculates on his partner’s chest, tosses her a sex toy and says “Imma let you finish.”
ex: Angie divorced her husband after he Kanye Chested her for the third night in a row.