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Unanswered Questions (stolen shamelessly from Tosh.0)

On Comedy Central’s Tosh.0, the dorky, affable, hilarious host, Daniel Tosh, goes through some of the more popular web clips and photos that can be found on Youtube and tears them apart for the delight of his audience. He brings in guests who have appeared in embarrassing videos and helps them achieve redemption, he tells bigoted jokes with an ironic “it’s funny because it’s racist” attitude, and he humiliates himself regularly for the sake of humor.

One bit that he’s done is “Unanswered Questions”, where he’ll air a clip and ask the questions that he just knows his audience is wondering. Here’s an example if you’re so inclined to watch.

I’m stealing this idea for myself. So without any shame whatsoever, let me introduce you to Avitable’s Unanswered Questions. Depending on the success of this, I may try this again. Then again, I may fall flat on my face and not even garner a single chuckle from any of you. I guess we’ll see.

I used Flickr’s random photo link, grabbed the most interesting photo there, and here we go:

Why did the photographer crop out her face? Does she have a moustache? Is she an uggo? Why does she hate watermelon? Is she a racist? Is asking if she’s racist because she smashed a watermelon racist? Did she drop a bucket of Popeye’s chicken next? Or did she give birth to a watermelon? How does a woman fuck a watermelon? Can a watermelon seed grow inside a vagina? Wouldn’t she have noticed the vines way before accidentally giving birth on a walkway? Where do you go if you need a watermelon abortion? Would one of those weed and lawn companies work or would you need to find a back-alley gardener? Could you just pick someone up outside of Home Depot? Would you use a coat hanger or just get in there with your gloves on and pull? Is this actually a woman or is this a petite man with very smooth legs? If it is a woman, where the hell are her boobs? Could she have been stuffing her bra with the watermelon? Is she floating? Is she hanging? Is she dead? Did she kill herself because she’s an uggo with a moustache and no boobs and her faux watermelon boobs just shattered over the sidewalk? If she’s not dead, do you think she’d go out with me? Does she put out? Would she date a fat hairy guy? Does she have a bear fetish? Would she mind if I’m losing my hair on top? Is she over 18? Is Chris Hansen going to come after me? How dumb are the usernames those guys use on To Catch A Predator? Wouldn’t you pick a more innocent name if you were going to troll for underage tail? What username do you think this photographer uses? Aren’t all photographers sexual predators? Am I the only person who really wants some watermelon right now?

19 thoughts on “Unanswered Questions (stolen shamelessly from Tosh.0)”

  1. I have a friend who IS Daniel Tosh. They have the exact same sense of humor. Which is a little daunting, because normally I like to be the smartest, funniest guy in the room.

    I’m alone a lot. Hi.

  2. My work wife likes to distract me with Tosh.0 videos during the day, which makes me glad I’m not in the office next to his this week, so that I can be more productive than I am when he’s trying to shove Tosh.0 clips into my time snippets.

    I like fried chicken and watermelon, too. I had watermelon for breakfast today. But no chicken.

  3. Did you fall flat? No. Did she fall flat? Probably- watermelon can get slippery. Oh wait, you know that based on your sketch from a few days ago. Do you have a watermelon fetish? Are you racist and that’s why you are showing watermelon smashing and watermelon masturbation pics?

  4. Because her face is not part of the art.

    It would distract from the message.

    All lines and symmetry and convention up above, chaos at the bottom (graffiti and smashed watermelon).

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