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The only perspective that matters. What to expect at #BlogHer10

Plenty of bloggers have been writing handy little guides to BlogHer. But none of those bloggers are me. None of them have my perspective. Nor my back hair.

The official inevitable inimitable irresistible Avitable guide to BlogHer:

1. BlogHer does not happen in a vacuum. This isn’t Hedonism. This isn’t a nude beach. This isn’t even your fenced-in backyard. There will be at least four million cameras at BlogHer. There will be tongues wagging and tweeting and typing and talking. Unless you’re holed up in your hotel room with only you and your bestie who would never tell a soul, there is a very good chance that the world will be privy to your heavy drinking, woman kissing, pot smoking, hardcore dancing, panty flashing evening. It might not be tagged with your name and maybe nobody will say anything about it, but if you pass out on the dance floor at the Sparklecorn party with a drink in your hand, don’t be surprised if you show up in the background of a thousand and one photos. And, unfortunately, expecting anyone to refrain from publishing a photo out of courtesy is asking for trouble. If you’re worried about something embarrassing being published, don’t drink so much that you do something embarrassing. And please, someone remind me I said this in two weeks when I’m mortified by the photos that are published.

2. Nobody cares how you look. Many bloggers (myself included) can be a little camera shy. If you’re not comfortable with your weight or size, it can be hard to see yourself in hundreds of photos throughout the weekend. One alternative is to hide in a corner all night long and avoid the cameras, your friends, and all of the fun. Or, you could realize that this is about the celebration of bloggers, people, and especially women, and you’re just as beautiful as that one thin blonde who looks gorgeous in every photo. Go out, have fun, and appreciate the photographs for what they are – memories with your friends.

3. Don’t be a pussy. If you see someone you read and like, go say hi*. Chances are that person also has someone that he or she reads and likes and might be shy about talking to them! Blogging is about community, and community is about reciprocity. One of the biggest pleasures I had last year was when a blogger would come up to me and introduce herself. Chances were that I already knew her name, but it was nice to put a face to that Twitter account or blogger identity, exchange business cards (look for mine this year with MORE NUDITY), and forge a personal connection that’s stronger when it’s not separated by a shitload of ones and zeroes. Also, if you’re shy, some people might misread this as aloofness and then they won’t approach you either. It’s a vicious circle. (*Does not apply to Dooce. She will punch you in your crotch.)

4. Your negative attitude should be left at home. Whether you’re the type to whine and bitch about the men present at the conference or the drinking that goes on or the breastfeeding or the swag or the lack of swag or the exclusivity or the private parties or Nikon eating babies, shut. The. Fuck. Up. There is literally something at BlogHer for every type of personal blogger out there. Whether you’re married or single or gay or straight or a teetotaler or an alcoholic or childless or barren or fertile or Christian or Jewish or Muslim or black or white or yellow or purple, if you have the right attitude, you will walk away with something positive. And wouldn’t you rather come away with something positive rather than focusing on the few aspects that annoy or piss you off? I know I would.

5. Don’t take things personally. It’s hard. You have a lot tied up in yourself – you’re psyching yourself to surf the wave of estrogen and squealing and wade in with your business cards flying. You walk up to someone, introduce yourself, talk to her for a minute or two, and mid-conversation she sees someone else that she knows, and the conversation ends. This will happen a million and one times that night, and to everyone! Even me. And I’m fucking compelling to talk to. Someone (actually many someones) will forget your name. You might be ignored or jostled aside. Bloggers you know might sneak through a line while you’re still waiting. There will be parties that you don’t get invited to where the attendees get pedicures and massages by the Jonas Brothers and Robert Pattinson. There will be secret rooms where they give away Camaros and Botox. It happens. Get over it, and just relax. Have fun.

6. Pronounce my name correctly.

Hopefully this guide helps you enjoy your time at BlogHer 2010. If not, I wash my hands of you. I’ve done all I can and you’re obviously a lost cause. Go to BlissDom instead, where everything is rainbows and sunshines and unicorns. And Jesus.

P.S. Do you have an iPhone? Download the Bump app for an easy and fun way to transfer your information to other bloggers with iPhones!

P.P.S. Don’t forget these either!

80 thoughts on “The only perspective that matters. What to expect at #BlogHer10”

  1. HOLY FUCKBALLS. Rob Pattinson is going to be there?



    Also THIS is 10001% the truth:
    “You walk up to someone, introduce yourself, talk to her for a minute or two, and mid-conversation she sees someone else that she knows, and the conversation ends. This will happen a million and one times that night, and to everyone!”

  2. Long time reader, first time commenter …

    You’re hilarious. And I can’t wait to meet you at BlogHer…. Thanks for the tips – I truly love the guy’s perspective!

      1. @Avitable, I haven’t fondled a set of nuts in a few weeks since my hubby left for Iraq – so I appreciate your offer / directive. Don’t mind if I do – just don’t be surprised if I don’t let go…

  3. I’m going to confess something to you: I hovered over the link and saw that it was a LeSombre one so I knew exactly what I was going to be looking at and I clicked on it anyway. I think that means I Avitaball’d myself.

  4. I’ve been to two BlogHers and two Blissdoms, and frankly, I get a cubic assload more useful information from the Blissdom panels.

    Of course, the panels tend to be more praxis and less theory. And the panelists don’t tend to be four huge egos sitting behind a long table talking about themselves.

      1. @Avitable, Wait….*Sybil* is going? As in my whore Sybil or there another Sybil I don’t know about? Because really, I’d be devastated if I missed yet another chance to hang out with her. And you. d’uh.

  5. ^^^^My comment is up there^^^^

    Also, I Avitaball’d myself too.

    And my sister earlier because she wanted to know what you looked like.

    And my brother because he wanted to know why she said “Oh my gosh! Is that….?”

    And my deaf cousin because I didn’t want him to feel left out.

  6. I’m telling you – and everyone else – right fucking now that if Robert is giving out massages and I don’t get one I am going to LOSE MY EVER LOVING MIND.

    Do you hear that organizers? IT WILL BE BAD.

  7. I have to admit I thought I was the blonde you were referring to…you know, the one who looks great in every photo?

    Then I read the word “thin.” And then I remembered I hate almost every picture I’m in. Always.

    See you in NYC, AV-i-tA-bel.


  8. What the hell is BlissDom?

    I’m going to make out with your face when I see you again. But you’d better tell me I’m pretty and that you like my shoes because I will pull out the claws and hurt you if you don’t.

  9. Great advice. I was totally scared shitless to introduce myself to you last year…but I did it. And I’m damn glad I did.

    And for the record, I still catch myself mispronouncing your name it all the time. What kind of name is Adam anyway? a-DAM, A-dum, a-DOHM, a-DAHM, A-dahm….oh screw it. I’ll just squeal “hey asshole!” the next time I see you.

  10. You just made my tiny brain explode: I’ve been pronouncing it Avit-able forever. I think. I’ve been saying it over and over in my head so long now that I can’t remember if I was pronouncing correctly or not.

    Yup. Brain officially leaking out of my ears. You win.

  11. Sounds like fun! What is this, the fifth annual BlogHer? How many have you attended? And how does it feel being in the minority during the conference?
    I didn’t read through the comments, there are a lot; nor did I check your archives for an answer. So if you have a post you’d like to refer me to, that would be work.
    The only reason I ask is because I’ve seen that bloggers that are pro and con men attendance. Thanks!

  12. Is Edward really going to be there? Is it too late to cancel my tickets? I’m In fact, I am the opposite of a fan. A loather. I loathe Edward. Yeah, I said it. Whatever.

    This, btw, was one of the best “What to expect at BlogHer posts” I’ve read. All those other ones are saying outlandish shit like “Leave the cute shoes at home.” How could anyone take *that* kind of talk seriously…

  13. Ahhhh, Ah-VIT-able. I thought it was AH-vitable.

    I want to go to a motherfucking botox party … just got in to NY from Australia. Our flight was cancelled and the hotel turned us away. I look like SHIT.

    Looking forward to coming up to say hi to you, Adam.

  14. HA-vit-able!

    No, actually I felt this was a great time to tell you about another way way to think of it, something I say to Julianne all the time and happened to notice how it sounded like your name: Some of it-able, all of it-able, non of it-able. I say weird things, and no one knows why, but I did notice how “of it able” sounds like Avitable.

    Love-it-able? Ok bye now πŸ™‚

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