I heard a little piece of news about a protest in New York City. Apparently, people are upset about plans to build a mosque near Ground Zero. My friend Faiqa even wrote a post about it.
The more that I read, the more incensed I got about it. How dare they?
How dare anyone try to build a mosque near Ground Zero!
It’s insensitive to those who lost their lives, both on 9/11 and in the War on Terror. It’s an affront to the American way of life. And I don’t think we’re going far enough by protesting it.
I’m asking everyone to comment on this post and I will use it as a petition that I can send directly to President Obama himself.
Dear President Obama,
We, as Americans, are outraged by the blatant disregard that your people have shown us. Too many lives were lost and are still being lost every single day for us to ignore this terrorist threat.
WE DEMAND that any plans involving the building and development of mosques within a 10 (ten) block radius of Ground Zero be immediately and permanently denied.
WE DEMAND that any plans involving the building and development of any edifice that may involve high levels of Muslim activity, including Muslim community centers, Muslim schools, 7-Elevens, hookah bars, tech support centers, or restaurants that serve any type of food that includes curry, olives, hummus, or include the name “Ali”, “Pita”, or “Halal”, within a 10 (ten) block radius of Ground Zero be immediately and permanently denied.
WE DEMAND that any building that already exists within a 10 (ten) block radius of Ground Zero that meets the aforementioned specifications be relocated, at the expense of the building owner and tenants, to a man-made island that will be located off the Eastern Coast of the United States, in international waters, to be monitored by the Coast Guard and naval carriers at all times.
WE DEMAND that the following words be prohibited from being spoken or printed within the confines of New York City: Muslim, Islam, Koran, Allah, Osama, Obama, Olbermann, Eid, Fatwa, Ramadan, Mohammad, Imam, Jihad, Gyro, or Apu.
WE DEMAND that all countries in the Middle East and parts of Asia be combined into one giant country that we can call “Terrorist Land”.
WE DEMAND that all citizens and visitors to our great country who have a skin color darker than peach and who are not visibly black or Mexican be fitted with an ankle bracelet so that they can be monitored at all times, and marked with a red “T” so that we can know that they hate America.
WE DEMAND that after further thought, might as well put the ankle bracelets on the blacks and Mexicans, too.
WE DEMAND that all telephone and email communications within this great country be monitored by our government, except for private militia groups, fundamentalist Christian groups, and the Great White Hope, Sarah Palin.
WE DEMAND that Glenn Beck be appointed the new Emperor of Anti-Terrorism and that he is given inalienable power and rights without judicial, executive, or administrative review.
WE DEMAND, while we’re at it, that anyone who even says the word abortion should just be kicked out of America and sent to France.
WE DEMAND that when these measures do nothing to increase our security yet eliminate our civil rights as provided to us by the Constitution, we reserve the right to blame everyone else, including (in no particular order): liberals, blacks, Jews, the Chinese, the Japanese, penguins, the French, bankers, Wall Street, Main Street, Eskimos, CNN, MSNBC, Ohio, California, illegal immigrants, Canadians, Willy Wonka, ugly people, fat people, midgets, the gays, the straights who sympathize with gays, and pacifists.
SO SIGNED BELOW,
A Proud America
SO WHO’S WITH ME??