A rabbi, a Catholic priest, a black guy, the Duggars, a gay guy, a Chinese guy, a redneck, a Polish guy, a Muslim, an Indian, an Englishman, a Mexican, a mommyblogger, Tiger Woods, a fat guy, a redhead, a blonde and a brunette all made plans to go to the local watering hole one night.
The rabbi decided to stay home because they scheduled their night after happy hour and he really didn’t want to pay that many shekels for drinks.
The priest heard that K-mart had boys’ pants half off and went there instead.
The black guy had such a long, hard day avoiding work and cashing his welfare checks that he was too tired and stayed at home smoking pot.
The Duggars got pregnant again.
The gay guy got really interested in an episode of Martha Stewart and decided to bedazzle his curtains that night.
The Chinese guy was on his way but got into a car accident.
The redneck’s sister worked there and she wasn’t happy with him after he gave her herpes.
The Polish guy’s power went out at his apartment, and he waited for the flashing “12:00″ on his clock to turn to the right time so he could leave.
The Muslim was on his way but saw a woman wearing a bathing suit and stopped off to stone her.
The Indian couldn’t figure out how to get his GPS working, but he ended up on hold for tech support for the next three hours and couldn’t understand what the fuck they were talking about.
The Englishman had to get up really early for a dentist appointment and opted not to go.
The Mexican guy was there, but he was in back washing dishes.
The Mommyblogger got pissed that the bar wasn’t giving away something for free and that they had sexist signs on their walls so she started a Twitter war.
Tiger Woods got asked not to go after he sent dirty text messages to the whole group.
The fat guy got stuck in the line at the Burger King drive-through where he was going to order fourteen burgers and a Diet Coke, and he cannibalized himself out of hunger.
The redhead saw that it was a full moon and went tearing off naked into the woods.
The blonde walked into the bar.
The brunette ducked.
The worst parents in the world
How to make everything more awesome
DWB (Driving While Black)
Twitter: alotofnothing
says:
That blond looks conveniently LIKE SOMEONE WHO IS WRITING THIS COMMENT RIGHT NOW.
I’m offended.
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@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing], you should be!
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Twitter: Amanda234
says:
What happened to the redhead?
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@Amanda, oops. Fixed it.
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Twitter: Bellaventa
says:
This was bad, but Jesus Fucking Christ was more “offensive.”
However, I did like the cartoon…and it does look like Angie.
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@Robin, Angie’s boobs are bigger.
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Twitter: CorrinRenee
says:
I thought the mommy blogger got pissed because the bar wouldn’t allow babies?
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@Corrin, oh yeah – that, too. I should have put that in there as well!
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Twitter: an_bhean
, August 29th, 2010: 8:13 PM
@Avitable, yes – they don’t like babies and tell women who want to breastfeed their babies to “go do that in the bathroom.”
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I’m claiming 19% of the credit for how awesome this joke is.
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@Miss Grace, I will gracefully give you 22% of the credit!
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I am offended.
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@Suebob, as you should be – it’s a horribly offensive joke!
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Twitter: ItsToni
says:
All of this AND a hard day’s work?
Amazing Mr. Avitable.
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@Toni, I know. I’m like Jesus, but with a better beard.
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Twitter: Amanda234
says:
Well, I’m either tearing naked into the woods or ducking the bar, depending on who you ask, so I’m not offended. I do both of those things regularly. Stereotypes are there for a reason!
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@Amanda, I’ll just think of you tearing naked through the woods.
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Best joke ever.
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@OHmommy, thanks!
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Twitter: Adriennevh
says:
From the cartoon I would assume it was a titty bar?
btw the next time you are going to make me laugh so loud I wake up the grand kids, my daughter is gonna slap you.
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@Adrienne, in my cartoon world, everyone’s naked all the time!
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Thank you. I truly, I mean truly, needed a laugh right now and you gave me several as I read through your joke.
It’s times like these that I wish I wasn’t so technotarded (Uhm yeah, claiming that word) that I could Tweet, IM, or something when I have no one to talk to when I desperately need to. Anyhoo, thanks for the laugh.
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@Employee No.699, just go to Yahoo.com and download Yahoo Messenger. Orrrr, go to http://www.google.com/talk/ and install that, and you can IM with any of us. Orrrr, go to Facebook and chat with friends there! Someone’s always around!
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Angie? I thought the blonde was Britt.
The real reason the Duggar’s couldn’t go is because her uterus fell out ontothe sidewalk.
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@Little Miss Sunshine State, it’s designed to be representative of all blondes everywhere.
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Where was the lawyer? Too busy chasing an ambulance or something?
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@Karen, If the lawyer was Adam, he decided not go because he didn’t want to put pants on.
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@Valerie, very true.
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@Karen, damn. Yes. I should have put that in there too!
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Twitter: nualathewriter
says:
First, I really like the new layout.
Second, I tried to be offended by your joke, but kept getting distracted by my laughter. Niiiiiice.
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@bellawriter, thanks!
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
Not one Irishman included in a joke about people going to a bar? Son, I am disappoint.
(Maybe the Catholic Priestophile counts)
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@B.E. Earl, are you kidding? The Irish guys had been there since 9 AM.
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Twitter: VerdantDude
, August 27th, 2010: 9:08 AM
@Avitable, …and that’s all I was asking for.
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Twitter: karensugarpants
says:
What? No Canadians? I’ll tell you where I was: home, pre-drinking before the bar. That’s what we do.
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@Karen Sugarpants, you guys were getting drunk at the hockey rink.
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Twitter: mapsgirl
, August 27th, 2010: 8:51 AM
@Karen Sugarpants, If we’re adding Bailey’s to our Tim’s coffee, count me in!
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Twitter: mapsgirl
, August 27th, 2010: 8:55 AM
@Karen Sugarpants, And you have to remember that Americans don’t know anything about Canada.
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Twitter: GrandeMocha
says:
No ninjas? No lesbians? No ninja lesbians?
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@GrandeMocha, they’re there, but you just can’t see them.
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Twitter: themuskrat
says:
I’m glad no lawyers were harmed in the making of this joke.
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@Muskrat, I might have sprained my finger typing it, though.
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lmao
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@christie,
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I would like to personally thank you for leaving the Irish out of the joke.
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@Hockeymandad, didn’t you hear – the Irish guy was already at the bar since 9 AM.
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I am offended that you left out INDIANS…Uh, NATIVE AMERICANS!
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@metalmom, they were already drunk on firewater.
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Twitter: msmegan
says:
*snort*
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@Finn, hello fellow snorter!
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@Finn,
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I will never get tired of laughing at “Asians can’t drive” jokes. Cause they can’t.
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@Yellaphant, I know, right?
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*I* am not offended in any way whatsoever.
Like usual.
It’s nice to be a WASP chameleon.
Hahaa
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@Sybil Law, plus you’re the brunette, so you survived intact.
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
I laughed out loud at one of the sentences above, but to preserve a friendship I will not reveal which one. Although, if our friendship were to end over me having a knee-jerk reaction to something I read then I guess our friendship wasn’t that strong to begin with.
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@Poppy, I laughed over several of them that are relevant to my friends!
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I snorted so loud I woke my dogs up.
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@Neeroc, that’s quite a snort!
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Twitter: fandpinlv
says:
Can I be the redhead?
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@Nancy [Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas], I’d be delighted.
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Twitter: hamletsmistress
says:
At what point did the blond and brunette decide to go topless? I didn’t see that in the joke.
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@Hamlet’s Mistress, that’s how they are in Avitable’s cartoon world.
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Twitter: acorndreaming
says:
I laughed out loud because I didn’t get it until I saw your drawing. Yes, I am that pathetically easy.
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@Megan, are you blonde, though?
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Twitter: acorndreaming
, August 28th, 2010: 9:19 AM
@Avitable, Sadly, no. My hair is all gray at 39. I look like a grandma already. You know, you left out guillible prematurely gray people. Now I might be offended.
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Twitter: NenetteAM
says:
I’m offended that I don’t fit in any of those categories.
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@Nenette, what’s your ethnic background? I’ll make one up just for you.
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Twitter: NenetteAM
, August 28th, 2010: 5:01 PM
@Avitable, I’m from the Philippines, the home of hot, intelligent women.
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@Nenette, and crazy dictators with shoe fetishes!
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I’m offended that you forgot left-handed crippled midget lesbian Eskimo boys.
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@Grant, that’s just like kicking a puppy, though.
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
I’m questioning right now if the brunette part was an insult, if it was and I missed it I must have some blond in me.
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That…was the fucking-est funny-est thing I have ever read. Srsly dude…you made me have to run for my Albuterol inhaler as I was laughing so hard reading this.
Oh, and FTR? We redheads go running off naked into the woods for a reason. It’s to dance around the fire and howl at the moon, doncha know?
Elsewise, we’d prolly just be having sex
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Twitter: elizabethbarone
says:
I laughed my face off reading this. Everyone must hear it now!
And go brunette!
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