Murtaugh List: A list made famous from the TV show, “How I Met Your Mother” inspired by Danny Glover’s character Roger Murtaugh in the movie series Lethal Weapon. Murtaugh’s catch phrase in these movies was, “I’m too old for this shit.” Putting something on the Murtaugh List acknowledges that as you grow up, there’s stuff you just no longer do…”
After sitting here for almost an hour, I realized that there’s nothing that I’m really too old to do. I also realized that my allergies were fucking killing me and it was really hard to think with the Benadryl and Klonopin cocktail I had taken. Everything I came up with more related to maturity/etiquette issues, like crashing at someone’s house when there’s a hotel nearby or letting my parents pay for dinner when we go out.
So, instead, before I got too fuzzy to type straight, I decided to come up with my list of things that I’m still young enough to do, that I should do, that I would like to do, before I die at the ripe old age of 35 by being shot while breaking into Sarah Silverman’s vagina:
- Write a book.
- Earn at least one million dollars in a year.
- See the following countries at a minimum: Ireland, Italy, France, Australia, Japan, Russia, Amsterdam, and Germany.
- Do stand up comedy.
- Take an evasive driving/executive protector driving course.
- Go on a paranormal investigation.
- Learn how to sing.
- Eat an endangered species.
- Go to a firing range and learn to fire a pistol.
- Swim with sharks.
- Ride a dolphin.
- Visit every state in the United States.
- Be on TV.
- Get in a fight.
- Have a child.
- Get hate mail.
- Meet a President.
- Go to Denny’s.
- I really want some bacon.
- And ice cream!
- Really pull off a hat.
- Oh, and fly.
- Learn how to be invisible.
- I almost typed indivisible there!
- Murder someone and get away with it.
- Oops, I already did that one.
- Did I say go to Denny’s already?
- Punch Axl Rose.
- Eat a rhinoceros.
- Make a household object into a bong.
- Figure out how to use a bong and what you put into it.
- Watch Justin Bieber on the MTV VMAs oh baby baby baby.
- Feel my numb ears and nose.
What’s on your die bucket?