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Every word is sacred

In my post the other day about forgiveness, Casey commented with a quote from Gandhi that is currently printed on a bracelet she wears.  It got me thinking about Gandhi.  Do you think he had any idea that every word he said would be broken down, analyzed, and used to inspire, motivate, and teach?

What’s going to happen when I’m world-famous?  After I go to that giant testicle in the sky, is my blog going to be mined for content?  Will my words make it onto bracelets, T-shirts, bumper stickers, and inspirational posters worldwide?

Maybe not.  But . . . maybe.

And if that’s true, fuck.  I mean, have you read anything I’ve written over the last six and a half years?  I need to start being inspirational.  I need to leave statements behind that will mean something to the world.

So, future readers from the year 2048, here are the phrases you may use and associate with Adam Heath Avitable, the guru, spiritual leader, mentor, and superhero:

“If you don’t fill out your manties, buy a smaller pair.”

“Ninjas don’t actually solve anything. They cause a lot of problems and kill too easily.”

“Lawyers are assholes, doctors are idiots, and engineers are obsessive-compulsive. Advanced degrees are overrated.”

“Johnny Knoxville is one of the geniuses of our generation.”

“If you have a burrito and chocolate syrup, you can do anything.”

“I would rather assume that I’m smarter than you and have you prove me wrong than have to lower my estimation of your ability.”

“The scariest thing in life is a little girl in a dark hallway who is looking away from you and won’t respond when you call her name even as you approach her.”

“If you’re a straight white male with middle to upper-class income, vote on someone else’s behalf.  You’ll be taken care of no matter who’s elected.”

“Cold shrimp may be one of the creepiest foods to eat, when you think about its intestinal tract running right down its body.”

“Friendships made demographically are more likely to last longer than friendships made geographically.”

“Everyone should know how to kill someone with their thumb.”

“Fuck the haters.”

“Laughter is the best medicine unless you hurt yourself from laughing too hard.”

“Balls are always funny.  They’re wrinkled, they move on their own, and if you look at them right, you can see images.”

“Real men use moisturizer.”

“Why are older women who sleep with younger men called cougars but older men who sleep with younger women called perverts?”

“Tact is for pussies.”

“If you can be funny, be funny. If you can’t be funny, be smart.  If you can’t be either, be quiet.”

“Mayonnaise or bacon makes everything better.”

The Year 2048 - In the future, we all wear stupid hats.

82 thoughts on “Every word is sacred”

  1. This post is pretty damn genius, I especially like 18. And you are pretty much just like Gandhi, the only difference is that I’ve seen your balls.

    Avitable: He had way better balls than Gandhi.

  2. “If you’re a straight white male with middle to upper-class income, vote on someone else’s behalf. You’ll be taken care of no matter who’s elected.” – Amen! Preach it, brother! And pass over some of that bacon and mayo….truly manna from heaven.

      1. @Avitable, I know I know. It wasn’t funny ot smart so I should have just remained quiet… instead I chose to make reference to being quiet- Oh well. see what happens when you draw people out of their comfort zone! And trying to comment from my phone is a pain! :”>

  3. I’m not sure anything can make shrimp better… even bacon. It’s just icky.

    I’d like a “If you can be funny, be funny. If you can’t be funny, be smart. If you can’t be either, be quiet.” poster for my office please.

  4. Nothing you say will mean anything until you are dead. It’s like what Jesus or Ted Bundy said – “Nothing you say will mean anything until you are dead.” Send me an e-mail when that happens.

  5. There’s some good stuff in there. I’d say immortality is in the cards for you.

    And Indira Gandhi was a woman and not the bald man once played by Ben Kingsley. That’s Mahatma Gandhi. She was the prime minister of India at one point and no relation to the other Gandhi.

  6. I approve of thumb wars in the future and thumbs being the only weapon! Now that will be fun!
    BTW, thanks to you now I am craving chocolate syrup…ARGHHHHH!!!

  7. –>I think “If you can be funny, be funny. If you can’t be funny, be smart. If you can’t be either, be quiet.” is Brilliant!
    It should be the motto around this office, on facebook, twitter, blogs, etc.
    ~deb

  8. I live that little girl in the hallway scenario every day, man. Creepy stuff.

    Also?
    “If you can be funny, be funny. If you can’t be funny, be smart. If you can’t be either, be quiet.” Why do you talk so much, then?

    HA. I win being a bitch today. Actually. Every day.

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