The summer before my senior year of high school, my parents took me on a tour of colleges along the East coast. During that three-week journey, I kept a poorly written, horribly boring journal that I have recently unearthed. This is probably of interest to absolutely nobody except myself, but if you find yourself bored and you want to laugh at how angsty, asinine, and absolutely dull I was at the age of 16, read along below.
I’ve transcribed the pages to the best of my ability. Because I was worried about my parents reading this, I used a lot of codes and even Spanish at times to keep my words safe. As a result, there are several times where I have no fucking idea what the hell I was trying to say. Those thoughts are forever lost to history.
You can read the full transcript below the images, or, if you’re really that interested, you can click Day 1 and it will take you to the image page, with the transcript below it. At the bottom corner under the image, you can click on Day 2, and then Day 3, etc., until you’ve read and fully experienced the boredom of my 21-day trip up the East Coast. My notes are in the parentheses and if you actually undertake this and die of boredom or perish from smashing your head into your desk out of frustration of my complete and utter idiocy, I warned you.
I hope this trip turns out better than it appears. I miss my friends already. Watched 2 films (Hook, Kindergarten Cop), drove to Rock City, SC. Hotel room freezing, I slept on bed. Thought about Sabrina (my best friend) a lot. Going to suck.
Woke up at 7 freezing. Free continental breakfast followed. Doughnuts, coffee, and OJ. Three hour drive to Lexington (going to suck).
Comfort Inn next hotel. Told Mom they would hang breakfast on door in AM. We thought they were joking. Hung OJ and danishes on door.
Going to bed, dove on bed and . . . broke bed. Slept on floor tonight.
For dinner, waited an hour for food at restaurant from 7-9:30. Never go back there! (Southern Inn)
Interview at Washington and Lee at 1:15. Everyone went on carriage tour. I stayed back to read about Washington and Lee.
Interview OK. I like W&L.
Went to Omni Hotel. Dinner – Fight with manager over “17 & under for $1.99”. Dessert tray was real, not soap, and Sean (my brother) stuck his hand into chocolate cake. Hotel restaurant is going to poison us next time we’re in there.
Tomorrow, University of Virginia. No interview, just tour. So far, W&L looks pretty good! I hate S & B, though! (presumably “sister” and “brother”)
Miss friends. J(D) (presumably Jim (Dad)) not being very nice.
Visited University of Virginia. I don’t like it – high crime, I like small schools.
Neat – secret societies. 1. Z society – you don’t know if someone belongs until graduation. 2. 7 society – you don’t know until death.
Ate dinner at fancy restaurant – Old Ivy Inn. Dr. Arrants paid for it. Write him a thank you note.
Parents and Sean went to see Monticello. Gotta get up tomorrow AM early for 12 hour drive to Rhode Island.
Up at 5, leave by 6. Drive, drive, drive . . . ho-hum. Want to get to Moe & Joe’s.
Movies: “Temple of Doom”, “Parent Trap”, “Raiders of the Lost Ark”
Saw license plate that said “Kati & I” (Katey was my girlfriend).
Wrote two-page postcard to Nina. Neat service counters (what the fuck?)
Rhode Island at 6:45 finally. Ate dinner – house is nicer than I thought. For an apartment, there’s plenty of yard. I’m sleeping in the basement by myself. TV, VCR down here (Joy).
Called Katey on AT&T card (remember when you used calling cards?) – she was out at Josh’s birthday party. I’m calling tomorrow night at 8 PM.
Called 1-800 number (to reach my best friend), Renae (my best friend’s sister) collect, 322 collect, no answer.
Slept until 10 – felt good! Called Sabrina. She moved into her new house last night. Got her life (huh?) – worries me. Her & Spike (nice grammar, Adam) might do things not thought out.
Although I’m alegre (happy in Spanish) about her life, I don’t want her to have it. I feel less . . . needed, I guess, if she doesn’t need me to take her places (home from school, etc.) Well, we’ll see how it turns out once I get home. I really amo a ella y quiere follarse (love her and want to fuck her).
Parents went to see mansions at Newport . . . I stayed home and read “Scorpio Illusion” by Robert Ludlum. Good book!
Called Katey at 8 PM. Miss her.
Rented Glengarry Glen Ross, Loose Cannons, Death Warrant. Watched those and TV until 4:30 AM. Very tired right now.
I’m sooo tired – sat around house today. Felt so good.
Went to see “Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs”. Good animation . . . realistic. (What the fuck was I talking about?)
Went to restaurant called “East Side Mario’s” – good food. Had birthday song for Sean. Went home, had cake & ice cream. Birthday isn’t until 7/6.
Joe and Dad and I watched “Death Warrant”. I fell asleep – last night at Moe and Joe’s.
P.S. Called Nina collect – charges denied. Why?
P.P.S. Tried to talk to Sabrina and the telephone company hung up. (translated from poor Spanish)
We’ve been on the road for a week today. Two weeks left. Bye to Moe & Joe & Leah & Jonathan.
Going to Nana and Papa Avitable’s – 40 minute drive. Can’t wait!
House just like I remember it, painted white now. Smaller than I thought. Sleep on couch tonight, tomorrow and until Thursday. Parents slept in van. (We had a conversion van at the time.)
Basement loaded with stuff. Hilltop Steak Restaurant & Marketplace for dinner – good NY Strip.
Dad’s having fun – he needed this trip down memory lane. Mom & I saw him walking all over Braintree. Very reminiscent (both he & Mom).
Went to Gold’s Gym this morning. About five times as big as Ormond location – old, antiquated equipment. I didn’t like it – got a good arm workout.
Went down in basement – shot staple gun. Almost shot myself in the face – staple grazed my check. Remind myself to be more careful. That was a close one!
I like people (who I don’t even remember) coming up to me and saying “My God! You’re so big!” So far everybody’s done that!
Tomorrow we see the Learys. For breakfast, my 80 year old Nana and 73 year old Papa cooked us breakfast. Good but ironic! (what’s ironic about that, exactly?)
Just my extended family tree with interesting notes.
Went to Hahvahd today – I loved it! Nice romming arrangements, really like the attitude. I want to go there!
Went to Faneuil Hall Marketplace, got caricature done. Ate at Swensen’s for lunch. Going out to pizza for dinner.
Called Sabrina today. Uncle Bill was there, no Sabrina. Call at 9 tonight. Missed Call. Saw “Cliffhanger” with Dad. Called at 10 – no answer.
Saw Dad’s Aunt (B)etty? Oh fun. Cake & ice cream for Sean.
Tomorrow – go to Boston College – no fun, going to suck.
Talked to Sabrina at 10:30 – (Spanish that I don’t understand, but something about the devil and I want her to do nothing with her boyfriend because I want her instead. I think.)
We went to Boston College (Jesuit/Catholic). Interview . . . info . . .tour. Lost parents, walked around with two (currysucker?? I have no idea what that means – it’s not a racist term, because I had good Indian and Middle Eastern friends and would never have said that.) families for whole hour.
Hot! Boston College okay, not wonderful. Sean went to Brooktree (Kevin’s car dealership). Had a ball! At the info center, lady had one boner nipple and one normal.
P.S. Always seem to get boners when tired at information sessions. Why?
Went to Richardi’s for lunch – good subs. Sean loved expensive cars.
Called Sabrina in the afternoon. Talked a little. Met Kevin (Uncle) for dinner, with Jessica and Rebecca (cousins). Jessica had pictures at home to show Meagan (sister). I drove Kevin’s Porsche to his house and back (think I broke the rear windshield wiper). Nice driving – I really had fun. Haven’t driven for awhile.
Went to Green Harbor Marina for dinner – don’t eat scrod. Yuck! Kevin has boat, cabin in Maine. Loaded.
Called Sabrina tonight – talked a little. She hasn’t had sex with her boyfriend yet. When?
Leaving this morning for New Hampshire. Going to Sheraton. Three hour drive, tomorrow to Dartmouth.
Drove and drove and drove ad nauseam. Watched “Sister Act”.
Went to rest area – the change machine gave me a Susan B. Anthony dollar. I kept one.
Dinner at Friendly’s – Butterfinger and Heath Crunch Sundae.
Nice pool, hot tub.
(Oh, this is shameful for me to read. Sigh.) Fag talked to dad, tried to put moves on him in hot tub. Ha ha!
P.S. I think I want to be Sabrina’s first.
Dartmouth tour, info, interview. Okay school – not bad – travel abroad plan is neat.
Ate lunch at “Your Place” – nice restaurant in Vermont. Bought old MAD book – “Like MAD”.
Went to Franconia Inn – nice. Room 19 & 21. Meg and I in 19. Mom, Dad, and Sean in 21. Pool, hot tub at 104 degrees, creek, swimming hole.
Cold, deep, nature. (What??)
Rock beach and swimming hole – tell Katey perfect “alternate dock” (the place where we used to make out all the time). Tell Sabrina that I went skinny dipping at the swimming hole.
Jacked off at the swimming hole all alone. Awesome.
Moe & Joe meeting us – dinner at Dutch Treat restaurant. Good. Bed at 9:30. I’m tired.
Up at 8:30 AM – good night’s sleep. Breakfast at Inn. All the waitresses are good looking. Went to the swimming hole, stayed in my bathing suit. Had to go to Echo Lake – cold, nice water.
Tanning nicely. Great lunch – bologna on bread. One group of girls – one blond was very nice. One blond with big tits looked at me. One brunette was pretty, looked at me. Went home, and swam in swimming hole with Dad, Meagan and Sean, floated with the water server (which is one of the waitresses, I think). Nice!
Dinner at inn – New York Strip. Watched bit of “Robocop” in hotel theatre. Dad and I walked and talked.
(This Spanish appears to say “Today I hate he who runs against me and then says no.” No clue.)
Read Sherlock Holmes. Good book. Bed at 10:45. Told myself to wake up at 5:30.
Got up at 5:43 – only 13 minutes off. Walked to the swimming hole. Saw 4-5 moose in the far corner of the meadow.
Finished Sherlock Holmes. Went upstairs, ate breakfast, blond from the lake is a waitress there. Showered, jacked off, played darts, video games. Left for New York (Nassau).
Got to New York around 5:30. Gerald (Uncle), Betsy, Carol, Pater – Nice house, messy. Dog, Captain; Cat, Olive, Horse, Jenna.
Watched Three Stooges films. Called Katey, Sabrina, Lisa, and Jason. (Collect. Pay back). Sleep around 12.
Sat around today until Nana and Papa Avitable came over. Read Peter’s Superman comics and Spiderman 2099 comics. These super heroes are all (no clue. following up?).
T-shirts made for Avitable reunion July 1993. Family pictures taken. London broil for dinner.
Slept on couch, reading “Season in Hell” by Jack Higgins. Tomorrow morning early, leaving for Roanoke, VA.
Got up at 6:20. Internal alarm didn’t work. Borrowed Jack Higgins, “Jailbird”, “Patriot Games” from Gerald and Betsy, left on road by 7 AM. Off we go to Roanoke – 12 hour drive.
Movies: Home Alone
Tired and boring. Car sick. The bathroom smelled like ass. (I think?) Very interesting. (Why is that interesting?)
Dinner at Country Cooking. Unlimited dessert, bread, and vegetable (something). Good.
Left in the morning for Asheville. Watched “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”, “Secret Garden”.
Holiday Inn – nice hotel. Pool, hot tub, nice. Met Taylors for dinner. I liked CT (presumably the Taylor daughter – can’t remember her name now).
Also TT (presumably another Taylor girl?)
Dinner at Outback – good food!
(This one is really rough.) What if my family dies? (I think?) Where would I go? To whose house? I want to go to the house of my best friend, Sabrina.
Nice looking woman at the hotel.
Tomorrow. (I wish I could blame this incoherence on drugs or alcohol.)
Cracker Barrel for breakfast. Drop Meagan off at Southland camp in Clyde.
Bought shoes at Norman’s shoes. Boots and water shoes (water shoes??) for Meagan, Sean and I.
Going home. I doubt we’ll be back by Friday afternoon, but I want to.
Watched “ET”. The Davidson guest room was really nice!
Dinner at Pizza Hut. Good food. Couldn’t sleep. Dad snored.
BM at 4 des. 7.30 (I have no idea. Bowel movement at four, destroying 7.30? Who the hell knows.)
We’re going home!!
Went on Davidson tour in the morning. Nice college, laundry plan, extra cars (??), honor code. I liked it. Soda shop for lunch good!
Order of my preference of colleges, best to worst:
Washington and Lee (where I ended up attending)
UVA, FSC, Stetson – not even applying.
Got sorta lost in South Carolina. Detour not clearly marked. South Carolina is soooo boring. I can’t wait to go home.