Avitable Interviews Dead Celebrities

My interview with Barbara Billingsley (Mrs. Cleaver)

On Saturday, Barbara Billingsley, known for her roles as June Cleaver in “Leave it to Beaver” and as the jive-talking grandma on “Airplane!”, passed away at the age of 94. I took this opportunity to interview her.

Me: Shiiiit, chick, it’s groovy that you be rappin’ wi’ me.

BB: Don’t be icky, Pops. Ain’t no thang.

Me: I’m down wi’ it. So, it’s one mofo’ fraughty issue that yo’ ass be in th’ ground now.

BB: Yeah, man. I’ll front you, though, I was whipped up and down with cuttin’ out.

Me: Righteous, Dutchess. You shrewd and you got your boots on.

BB: I’m groovy now.

Me: So whass a fine dinner like yo’self gonna do now that you cut out and got yo’self a dome near those pearly gates?

BB: I’ll slide your jib, Jack. It’s one big frolic pad here. Everything’s jelly and they boot you everything you could want to collar.

Me: Anything that brings a fine piece o’ tail like yo’self down?

BB: That’s wack. I busted my conk and now it’s time for this blip to have her top blown.

Me: I like your hard spiel. What say you gimme some skin and we break it up fo’ now?

BB: Jus’ hang loose, blood.

Me: I dig.

Enjoy this interview? Check out my other dead (mostly) celebrity (mostly) interviews (actually written by me!):

Dennis Hopper
Gary Coleman
Chinese murderer
Casey, aka Moosh In Indy
Adolf Hitler
Peter Graves
Corey Haim
My Grandmother
Roy Scheider
Zelda Rubinstein and J.D. Salinger
Brittany Murphy
Oral Roberts
John Lennon
Ken Ober
Henry Gibson
Patrick Swayze
Ted Kennedy
John Hughes
Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett
Walter Cronkite
Billy Mays
Ed McMahon
Stephen Hawking
Robert Novak
Caylee Anthony
David Carradine
Martin Luther King, Jr.

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