On Saturday, Barbara Billingsley, known for her roles as June Cleaver in “Leave it to Beaver” and as the jive-talking grandma on “Airplane!”, passed away at the age of 94. I took this opportunity to interview her.
Me: Shiiiit, chick, it’s groovy that you be rappin’ wi’ me.
BB: Don’t be icky, Pops. Ain’t no thang.
Me: I’m down wi’ it. So, it’s one mofo’ fraughty issue that yo’ ass be in th’ ground now.
BB: Yeah, man. I’ll front you, though, I was whipped up and down with cuttin’ out.
Me: Righteous, Dutchess. You shrewd and you got your boots on.
BB: I’m groovy now.
Me: So whass a fine dinner like yo’self gonna do now that you cut out and got yo’self a dome near those pearly gates?
BB: I’ll slide your jib, Jack. It’s one big frolic pad here. Everything’s jelly and they boot you everything you could want to collar.
Me: Anything that brings a fine piece o’ tail like yo’self down?
BB: That’s wack. I busted my conk and now it’s time for this blip to have her top blown.
Me: I like your hard spiel. What say you gimme some skin and we break it up fo’ now?
BB: Jus’ hang loose, blood.
Me: I dig.
Enjoy this interview? Check out my other dead (mostly) celebrity (mostly) interviews (actually written by me!):
Casey, aka Moosh In Indy
Zelda Rubinstein and J.D. Salinger
Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett
Martin Luther King, Jr.