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Unnecessary sequels

Sequels are both a blessing and a curse.  Many times, they provide us more of the characters and story that we enjoyed in the original movie.  Unfortunately, they don’t always seem to have the same effort, technique, and personal investment, which means that the experience can sometimes be disappointing.

There are some movies that deserve a sequel, if the original cast, writers, editors, and directors were involved.  I’m talking about movies that are so good that a new story could be amazing.  Films like Grosse Pointe Blank, The Fifth Element, Unbreakable, The Professional, and Happy Gilmore.  (Obviously, this is a highly subjective list of mine.)  And then there are movies that are amazing or classic or ground-breaking or mind-boggling, but could never be sequelized unless there was a sheer stroke of genius involved. Movie like Edward Scissorhands, Memento, Punch Drunk Love,  Shawshank Redemption, and Fight Club.

But what about the rest?  What about the average and above average films that are ripe for sequels?  With the recent news that Tony Scott is working on a sequel to Top Gun, I started thinking about other sequels that could be made.

First, there are a few of the serious concepts that I’d love to see:

Ferris Bueller’s Second Day Off – John Hughes is dead, but if you had the right writer and director, imagine a story about a middle-aged Ferris, trapped in a sales job in the suburbs, who decides to skip work for a day and take his kids on an adventure to Chicago.  He recruits Sloan, his wife, and Cameron, who is now a bored-out-of-his-skull multi-millionaire lottery winner, and they learn, laugh, and live.  Jeffrey Jones could still play the principal at the school where Ferris and Sloan’s kids attend, even.  It could be magical!

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice – It’s not like Michael Keaton is really doing anything, so why not develop a new story where another family dies, and is shown the ropes by a grown up Lydia Deetz.  To get Tim Burton involved, just ask Johnny Depp to play the newly dead father.  Beetlejuice could see this as his opportunity to get revenge on the Deetzes, and dark hilarity and Harry Belafontizing could ensue.

Spaceballs The Sequel – While Mel Brooks is still alive and kicking, he should put out a new parody that references Star Trek, the Star Wars prequels, and other science fiction, gives Rick Moranis, Bill Pullman and Daphne Zuniga something to do, and tells a clever tale of Lone Star, Princess Vespa, and their tale of revenge for the death of Barfolomew, their faithful Mawg.

Then there are the sequels which will never be made but totally should be just for entertainment purposes:

Salt and Pepper – Angelina Jolie’s character was a Russian spy who defected to and defended the United States.  Now she’s a federal agent, partnered with an older man who is three days away from retirement and doesn’t want to get involved in solving a high-stakes plot to assassinate the President of Malawi.

Indigestion – In this sequel to Inception, Leonardo DiCaprio’s character must invade the dreams of another target.  This time, instead of planting an idea so deeply that the target thinks of it himself, he must travel from the brain to the gastrointestinal tract and go deeper among neural impulses than anyone has ever before.  His goal –  to plant the most dangerous idea of them all – that if the target smelt it, the target had indeed dealt it.  By the end, the audience is so simultaneously confused and revolted that they won’t even care whether or not Cobb’s life is real or just a fart in the wind.

Pulpier Fiction – Zed’s still dead, baby, but Butch, Marsellus, Jules, and the gang are all back. This time, there’s a bounty on Mia Wallace’s head, and everyone, including Pumpkin and Honey Bunny, are out to get it!

Ei8ht – This sequel to the dark and twisted Se7en is located in Los Angeles, with a new criminal and new team of detectives.  This time, though, it’s even more extreme.  Instead of working his way through the seven deadly sins, the unknown killer is murdering his victims inspired by the eight deadly Kardashians.  Whether it’s being lobotomized like Bruce Jenner, suffocated in a bro-hug like the ones Brody Jenner gives, or being smothered by a giant ass like that belonging to Kim Kardashian, the victims are dying quicker than the detectives can put together the pattern and protect the city from the evils of Kim, Kourtney, Khloe, Kylie, Kendall, Kris, Bruce, and Brody.

Ju-not Again! – Juno MacGuff, the fast-talking, mature yet delicate, protagonist of Juno, played by Ellen Page in all her steely-eyed cuteness, made another mistake.  This time, she’s pregnant with twins!  With two families fighting for the right to have her babies and Paulie Bleeker being away in Iraq, Juno must dig deep to find the strength to get the abortion that she knows she totally should get.

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38 Replies to “Unnecessary sequels”

  1. Grant

    It would be easy to make a sequel to Memento because the protagonist wouldn’t remember having made the first one. In fact, they could make a whole series based on that premise – Leonard Gets Revenge Again, Leonard Gets Revenge Again (Again), Leonard Buys a Slurpee, etc. It’s not his fault if you remember the first film. That’s just a failure on the part of the audience for not suspending their disbelief.

      • WebSavvyMom

        @Avitable, From Wikipedia:

        In 2003, Jones was arrested for possession of child pornography and employing a 14-year-old boy to pose for pornographic photographs.[3][4][5] In a plea bargain, the possession of child pornography charge was dropped, and Jones pleaded no contest to inducing a minor to pose for sexually explicit photographs. He was sentenced to five-years probation and was ordered to undergo counseling and register as a sex offender for life.[6] Jones was charged on June 30, 2010, in Los Angeles, with failing to update his sex offender registration status, as required under California’s version of Megan’s Law. Failure to do so is a felony.[7] He subsequently pleaded guilty and was sentenced to 250 hours of community service and was placed on three years probation.[

        • Avitable

          @WebSavvyMom, yup, I can read and had already read that. “No contest” is not a conviction, nor does it mean that he is guilty. Like I said, he was never convicted – he chose to plead no contest rather than go through the publicity of a trial. Because even if he was acquitted, he would be found guilty in everyone’s eyes.

        • Avitable

          @WebSavvyMom, and let me be clear – someone who is convicted of these crimes is, in my mind, one of the worst types of humans in the world; however, I’m also not ready to jump to a conclusion, either. If the prosecutor had enough evidence, he would have proceeded to trial – “no contest” is not a legal right.

  2. SisterMerryHellish

    It’s probably just me, but I wish they would have stopped after the first Matrix.

    And a sequel to Spaceballs?! I am completely on board for that!
    “He shot my hair!”

    I’d like to see “Another Christmas Vacation” movie, but I think Randy Quaid, who plays Cousin Eddy brilliantly, probably won’t be available for a while.

  3. B.E. Earl

    There really is no reason why the Ferris sequel can’t be made today. The script, as outlined by you, should write itself. I’d love to see cameos by Richard Edson (one of the parking lot attendants), Charlie Sheen, Kristy Swanson and the Lockport Township High School Band in there as well.

    But I’m probably the only Mel Brooks fan out there who hated Spaceballs. I love everything that he did BEFORE Spaceballs, but nothing after it and including it. Besides, the guy hasn’t directed a film since 1995. He’s pretty much done with that part of movie-making, although he is still producing and writing a bit.

  4. Poppy

    I’m pretty sure we want to be careful about Jeffrey Jones being anywhere near our spawn these days. … Unless you want your kid molested.

    Love the Pulpier Fiction idea and Ei8ht made me L.O.L~~~~~~!!!!!

  5. Elizabeth Kaylene

    I didn’t really like Juno, but I’d totally watch the sequel if someone actually bats an eye at her getting pregnant. You can’t even say the kid was a slut, since Paulie Bleeker was her first! Her parents should have had some kind of emotion.

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