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He saunters, catching their eyes and offering smiles.
“Notice me, notice me!”
Even though he knows that’s not enough.

When approached, he shrugs it off.
“Lavish me, lavish me!”
It cannot be enough.

The nonchalance on the outside cracks easily and the desperation shows through.  The infernal machine inside his head records every word and replays them constantly, filling his veins with more, more, more.

He embraces them openly, but his eyes are still searching.
“Love me, love me.”
Even this will not be enough.

The yearning to be heard and known and discussed and cited makes him sallow and tired, but he won’t stop.
“Remember me, adore me.”

78 thoughts on “Maybe.”

  1. I was really expecting a penis picture. Then I felt like an insensitive asshole. Then I wondered if there was a catch, and this was a prank. Then I felt like an insensitive asshole again. Then I started to leave this comment, which made me feel like an awkward airhead.

    This post made me feel a whole RANGE of emotions.

  2. Look outward. Go show some love for Campbell. His health is declining. It could help you remember all the opportunities you have had and continue to have.

  3. This pretty much describes my whole existence. The rat race to somehow escape mediocrity, coupled with the unending thoughts that it’ll never be enough. It’ll never be good enough.


  4. Yep. This explains why you felt the need to tell everyone that you weren’t planning on voting. The fact that you announced it concerned me more than your aversion to voting.

    You’re a good dude, man. Your need to be needed/wanted/loved/remembered isn’t a flaw, just part of who your are. And you have a right to those feelings, just as you have a right to choose how to indulge them.

  5. It’s normal and very human to want to be needed and loved. This was a beautiful insight for anyone that doesn’t already KNOW you, that you’re human…and have needs just like everyone else. You can only be good enough for YOU…and the rest will follow. *hugs*

  6. Very powerful, touching and moving. The picture? Makes it more so. You are loved, adored, and will be remembered. You are all of those things and so much more. We all have those empty voids we beg others to fill for us. I just choose to fill mine with tequila.

  7. Is this about you not wanting to be forgotten when you’re dead?

    You know the entire earth is going to eventually not exist anymore, and way before then humans will cease to exist, right?

    I see you now, though. And I’d hate to not have you as a friend in my life.

  8. i see you all the time, thanks to the interweb. even though i don’t know you IRL i often find myself pondering “what would avitable say?” when i witness some act of jackassery. that counts, doesn’t it? does it? i hope so. oh, and also, you are totally adorable and adored. never worry about that. thanks for the honesty and sharing. xo

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