Avitable Interviews Dead Celebrities

My Interview with Leslie Nielsen

Leslie Nielsen, best known for his comedic roles in Airplane! and the Naked Gun movies, died at the age of 84 on Sunday. I sat down to interview him shortly after his passing:

Me: Mr. Nielsen, thank you for meeting with me.

LN: Why, my good sir, it is indeed my pleasure.

Me: I was very sad to hear about your death. You’ve always been a favorite comic actor of mine.

LN: Oh, that is lovely to hear. I do always enjoy hearing from my fans.

Me: Surely, you must be sad to have moved on without making one final Naked Gun film.

LN: Aha! I see what you’re attempting to do there, but it’s important that I distinguish myself from the character I play in the cinema.

Me: Surely there must be some part of you in the characters you’ve played in movies like Naked Gun or Airplane!

LN: I really can’t tell.

Me: You can tell me. I’m a lawyer.

LN: No, I mean I’m just not sure.

Me: Would you say that it’s more difficult playing a comedic role than a serious one?

LN: For me, it’s like the difference between learning to fly a plane or a blimp.

Me: A blimp? What is it?

LN: It’s a big flying contraption filled with gas, but that’s not important right now.

Me: Goodyear?

LN: No, the worst. . . Curses! I have fallen into your trap when all I want to do is talk about my craft.

Me: Surely you must get some type of satisfaction from seeing your lines being quoted all over the Internet.

LN: I do enjoy that, it’s true. Right before I died, there was a paramedic who was trying to keep my spirits up by quoting me. He was odd-looking for a Samoan guy.

Me: Samoan?

LN: Yeah, you know. From the islands. Brown-skinned. A moustache. Weighed about 400 pounds.

Me: That’s an awfully big moustache.

LN: Alright, that’s enough! I thought that I could avoid all of your tricks but I see we’ll just have to handle this situation maturely, like the responsible adults that we are. What do you think about that, Mr. Poopy Pants?

Me: Surely you didn’t think I’d let you remain serious for the entire interview.

LN: I had high hopes. And for fuck’s sake, stop calling me Shirley!

Enjoy this interview? Check out my other dead (mostly) celebrity (mostly) interviews (actually written by me!) in the sidebar –>

37 thoughts on “My Interview with Leslie Nielsen”

  1. Man was a freaking champ, for sure.

    “When I see five weirdos, dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in full view of a hundred people, I shoot the bastards, that’s *my* policy!”

    “That was a Shakespeare-In-The-Park production of ‘Julius Caesar,’ you moron!”

  2. this site leaves a little..well..alot to be desired..was the creator of this site just bored one day and then decided to create something online? please..leave that kind of thing to ‘the onion’ …at least they’re humorous in their endeavors

  3. When I heard Leslie Nielsen died I said to myself, this news hurts. Oh sure, maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle that’s missing its seat, but it still hurts.
    Good job on this post! I think Mr. Nielsen would have laughed.

  4. As I clicked on this post in my reader, I was just raising my coffee cup to my lips. I hate to think what would have happened had I clicked over just a few seconds later. As it is, I keep a sponge handy, here at the office, next to my monitor. And a little hand vac for those moments when it’s solid and not liquid – like cookies, and not coffee.

    But. “The Naked Gun”. The creme de la creme of comedic target practice. And Nordberg at his finest – he should have quit while he was ahead.

    Leslie (his name never WAS Shirley) will be missed.

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