Leslie Nielsen, best known for his comedic roles in Airplane! and the Naked Gun movies, died at the age of 84 on Sunday. I sat down to interview him shortly after his passing:
Me: Mr. Nielsen, thank you for meeting with me.
LN: Why, my good sir, it is indeed my pleasure.
Me: I was very sad to hear about your death. You’ve always been a favorite comic actor of mine.
LN: Oh, that is lovely to hear. I do always enjoy hearing from my fans.
Me: Surely, you must be sad to have moved on without making one final Naked Gun film.
LN: Aha! I see what you’re attempting to do there, but it’s important that I distinguish myself from the character I play in the cinema.
Me: Surely there must be some part of you in the characters you’ve played in movies like Naked Gun or Airplane!
LN: I really can’t tell.
Me: You can tell me. I’m a lawyer.
LN: No, I mean I’m just not sure.
Me: Would you say that it’s more difficult playing a comedic role than a serious one?
LN: For me, it’s like the difference between learning to fly a plane or a blimp.
Me: A blimp? What is it?
LN: It’s a big flying contraption filled with gas, but that’s not important right now.
LN: No, the worst. . . Curses! I have fallen into your trap when all I want to do is talk about my craft.
Me: Surely you must get some type of satisfaction from seeing your lines being quoted all over the Internet.
LN: I do enjoy that, it’s true. Right before I died, there was a paramedic who was trying to keep my spirits up by quoting me. He was odd-looking for a Samoan guy.
LN: Yeah, you know. From the islands. Brown-skinned. A moustache. Weighed about 400 pounds.
Me: That’s an awfully big moustache.
LN: Alright, that’s enough! I thought that I could avoid all of your tricks but I see we’ll just have to handle this situation maturely, like the responsible adults that we are. What do you think about that, Mr. Poopy Pants?
Me: Surely you didn’t think I’d let you remain serious for the entire interview.
LN: I had high hopes. And for fuck’s sake, stop calling me Shirley!
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