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I love Snooki

JWoww (left) and Snooki (right)

I’m not sure what it is, but there’s something immensely appealing about Jersey Shore’s pint-sized star, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi.  I don’t know if it’s the unabashed way that she clumsily traipses through life in 6-inch high fuck-me pumps, the way that she can move from raucous party animal to tenacious little pitbull in a flash, or the fact that her attitude is 6’8″, dwarfing her adorable 4’9″ body.

She’s just the right combination of trashy vs. self-aware, and nothing seems to get her down.  Sure, her color may be a bit on the orange side, but that’s superficial and I suspect it’s not her normal look when she’s home alone.  I am going to guess that when she’s bump-it free, just chilling on her couch, she’s pretty damn cute.  And when she’s out partying?  I would totally hit that harder than Chris Brown and Rihanna.

Recently, Snooki has given interviews where she stated that she’s getting sick of her nickname.  It was originally a name she received in middle school after being the first girl to kiss a boy, and now she’s starting to outgrow it.  I can understand, too. What person could have a serious career with a name like Snooki?

I decided to offer up some new names that she could try out, because “Nicole” is just too boring.  Here are my suggestions:

  • Webster 2
  • ET aka Extra Tan
  • The Tituation
  • Trampage
  • Felch
  • Squeegee
  • Orangejella
  • Tits
  • Great Boobs of Fire
  • The Nicole who’s NOT anorexic
  • Pole Easy
  • Jersey Whore
  • Boozerella

Now, please excuse me as I run to the store to pick up a copy of her book, “A Shore Thing” and read it in one sitting tonight.

66 thoughts on “I love Snooki”

  1. Well, of course she’s orange. The poor girl has to spray tan at home since Obama raised the taxes on tanning. McCain never would have done that.

    I haven’t watched last week’s episode yet, I’m behind in the new season already.

  2. I watch (and love) The Jersey Shore, and I honestly think that Snooki, even with all of her faults, might be the only one I might want to hang around with. Maybe Pauly D, because his blowback haircut impresses me and he cracks me up sometimes. I’d shoot myself in the face if I had to be in a room with any of the rest of them for more than five minutes. Gia thinks Vinny is sweet, but I think fame is changing him. He’s on the path to the dark side.

    Wait, what? I, ahem, don’t watch that crap! Now excuse me while I GTL. Anyone DTF?

  3. First, one of my friends admits to having the hots for Sheldon Cooper (BBT – I know you don’t watch) and now this. Further proof tv rots your brain. Or that someone actually did figure out that tv mind control ray thing.

    That other chicks boobs sort of scare, sort of fascinate me though…

      1. @Avitable, You fucker!
        I am not orange, I do not fight, I am not a midget, I don’t wear all that makeup or a fucking bumpit in my hair, and I have MUCH higher standards for men than that stank bitch.
        However, she and I both enjoy the drinking and some sexy time. That’s it, though.

  4. I cannot tell you how insane it makes me that someone paid her to write a novel and I can’t even get someone to publish one of my short stories. You will be reviewing said book, right? Please?

  5. Please tell me you’re not serious about wanting to hit it with Snooki. Oh wait you’re a guy. Just be sure to wrap it , not once not twice but thrice. No telling what kind of cooties she has up in there.

  6. As long as I could keep duct tape over her mouth so she couldn’t open her obnoxious pie hole I’d consider it.

    And the Avitable condoms are a must, I’m certain she douches with industrial strength household cleaner.

    ‘Sit n’ Spin’ is an adequate title.

  7. In high school we did the musical version of “the Rainmaker” (with one of the Hepburns, can’t remember which, I smoked a lot of pot and barely remember the musical) called “110 In The Shade”. My character that I played was named “Snooki” and I wore and sang about a ‘Little Red Hat’ that was really a symbol of my virginity. Supposedly I didn’t lose my my virtue but I know my character was a ho. Probably why I was the crowd favorite.

    PS. I wish I still got called Snooki

  8. I’ve recently fallen victim to JS. I never thought I would, but all it took me was a Sunday MTV mini-marathon. And Snooki is without a doubt my favourite. She’s adorable, even when she’s furious and screaming. Also, I like watching things that make my consumption of alcohol seem insignificant.

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