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This post is only relevant if you have a TomTom GPS

On Black Friday, I purchased a TomTom XL something-or-other to replace the one that I lost in the divorce. It sat on my kitchen counter until yesterday, when I finally plugged it in and started setting it up. I was pleasantly surprised to see that in the six years since I bought the original version, the new TomToms had plenty of fun customization. You can customize, the colors, the scheme, the symbols, and the two most important items: the car icon and the voice.

You can choose from a huge variety of car icons if you want one that looks like yours, and I think that could be neat to watch on the GPS as your car travels to your destination. Being the modest person that I am, I opted to use this for my car:

Which you may recognize from the Avitable Condoms that I had made a few years ago:

So now, when I drive, I see a little naked Avitable moving along in my digital stead.

With the voice, I’m egotistical enough to think that I’ll actually enjoy having my own voice tell me where to go. I’m sure I’ll get sick of it soon, although after one day of listening to me tell me to “stay in the fucking left lane”, I’ve started to refer to TomTom me as a different person. The Clu to my Flynn. AvitaTomTom is a little sarcastic, may berate you a bit, and apparently hates roundabouts. Who knew?

If you have a TomTom and would like to have my voice guiding you on your path, you can plug your GPS into your computer, connect to the software and search for Avitable among the available online voices. Or, you can just take this file and unzip it into directly into the “voices” directory of your TomTom unit.

Here you go (courtesy of Dropbox)!

So now Avitable is a condom and a GPS voice. Next, I need to turn Avitable into an iPhone app!

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42 Replies to “This post is only relevant if you have a TomTom GPS”

  1. Colleen

    I may go out and buy a TomTom JUST so I can download your voice to give me directions. I’m sure my husband would absolutely accept that as a reasonable reason to buy one. He’s just looking for a good excuse anyway.

  2. Robin

    Ah, Adam. You’re talking to the TomTom? Treating it as a separate entity? *sigh*

    My mother-in-law talks to her Garmin, calls her “girlfriend” and gives her some serious attitude. Her diction and demeanor are completely out of character when she does this. So my question regarding your new TomTom, then, is which Avitable is the real Avitable?

    Personally, I opted for my Garmin to talk to me with a British accent. Then I laugh loudly and mock her when the very proper British female voice mangles pronunciations of Texas roads and features. She’s kind of uptight and fusses when I don’t turn at the announced places and ignore her instructions, too.

    That’s all I wanted to say.

  3. The Honourable Husband

    The inbuilt navigation which I have in my car has an upper-class British voice, whom we nicknamed The Dutchess of York.

    But in truth, my car speaks much much more posh than the real Dutchess of York. Perhaps I’ll need to re-name her Princess Kate, when the moment is historically appropriate.

  4. hello haha narf

    i seriously wanna get a damn tom tom just to have you giving me directions. perhaps i shall ask for one for my birthday. (i am not a fan of the gps in my vehicle so i would never buy one, but i think i can get my family to give me one!)

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