Regis announced last week that he will be retiring from his talk show, “Live with Regis and INSERT NAME HERE”, where he has been interviewing celebrities for almost four hundred straight years.
Here is my top five list of potential replacements for Regis Philbin:
5. The Ghost of Andre the Giant.
PROS: Gentle, kind, friendly.
CONS: Spandex leaves nothing to the imagination, can’t hold a cup of coffee.
PROS: Needs the exposure, won’t give Kelly Ripa any shit.
CONS: He can be a bit two-dimensional.
3. Joe Pesci
PROS: He’s been in the industry for years and knows everyone.
CONS: Guests must be warned not to laugh too hard at his jokes.
2. Jay Leno
PROS: Putting him on daytime means we don’t have to see him at night.
CONS: There may not be enough room in the budget for 48 writers who all come up with absolute shit.
1. Mel Gibson
PROS: Everybody would tune in to see what he would say.
CONS: God save Kelly Ripa if she gets him mad.