Today I turn 34.
Me and Vince Carter.
It kind of annoys me that this guy, who nobody knows, not only shares the same birthday but the same age with me, because what if people get us confused? I really don’t want the millions of birthday wishes that I deserve to be sent to the wrong person. So, in the selfish interest of making sure that I get all of the birthday wishes coming my way, here’s a little primer on the differences between me and Vince Carter.
The Difference Between Vince Carter, 34, and Adam Avitable, 34:
|Was born in Daytona Beach.||Grew up in Daytona Beach.|
|Played varsity sports in high school (Basketball)||Played varsity sports in high school (Swimming)|
|Married a doctor, is now divorced.||Married a lawyer, is now divorced.|
|Owns a restaurant.||Eats in a lot of restaurants.|
|Can reach the really, really high shelves in the kitchen.||Can reach the high shelves in the kitchen.|
|Likes rap music.||Likes Eminem.|
|Won a gold medal in the Olympics.||Could totally win a gold medal in the Special Olympics.|
|Grows a decent beard.||Grows an awesome beard.|
|Has never won an Oscar.||Has never won an Oscar.|
|Has a vertical leap of 43 inches.||Has a horizontal circumference of ~48 inches.|
|Can palm a basketball.||Palms his balls constantly.|
|Blogs regularly, and tweets frequently.||Blogs daily and tweets constantly.|
|Has a really good tan.||Needs to get back out by the pool some more.|
Well, fuck. Now I’m not sure that even I could tell us apart!