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The real reason the Internet got turned off in Egypt

It had nothing to do with the political unrest or the call for the resignation of Mubarak.  Straight from Wikileaks, these are the real reasons that the Egyptian government turned off Internet access for millions of citizens:

  • Mubarak really didn’t want someone to spoil the ending of the Hunger Games trilogy for him.
  • The Internet was turned off in protest of Amazon’s removal of that pedophile book.
  • When 80 million people all try to Bittorrent the leaked copy of the new movie “Gnomeo and Juliet”, this is what happens.
  • It wasn’t really turned off – they just got a new router and are waiting for Comcast to get out there sometime between 6 AM and 4 PM next Thursday.
  • Mark Zuckerberg was pissed that Egypt wouldn’t go out with him.
  • Everybody’s AOL trial run ended at the same time.
  • It was all part of a ploy to punch Anderson Cooper in his pretty, pretty face.
  • This is all BP’s fault.
  • Egypt was unwilling to air the Oprah Winfrey Network, so she showed them why she’s the scariest and most powerful woman in the world.
  • Mubarak was sick of Pakistan and Iraq getting all the press and figured that any publicity is good publicity.
  • Lorne Michaels pulled some strings because he needed more material for SNL.
  • Something something Snowpocalypse.

15 thoughts on “The real reason the Internet got turned off in Egypt”

  1. I thought they were trying to keep their kids from having Puffles on Club Penguin…but that’s maybe just a rumor.

    Really though, is there an Internet switch that they flipped or something? Can’t someone just go flip it back on? Is it under the Presidents ass or something?

  2. And here I thought it was because Mubarak didn’t want those nude pictures of him leaking out. From what I’ve heard, he makes Brett Favre’s penis look like John Holmes’ penis.

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