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Chick-fil-A hates the gays

As you may have read recently, there has been some controversy over Chick-fil-A’s decision to provide free food to an anti-gay marriage group.  It is well-known that the restaurant is Christian-owned and run, especially based on their poor business decision to stay closed on Sundays.  Apparently churchgoers don’t need somewhere to eat after worship, either.

These are not the only two indications of Chick-fil-A’s extremely conservative and fundamentalist Christian nature, either:

  1. The oil in which their delicious waffle fries are fried is actually consecrated oil, blessed by priests every day before the restaurant opens.
  2. Chick-fil-A refuses to use chickens that are free-range because everyone knows that’s code for “alternative lifestyle”.
  3. Little pieces of bacon are lightly sprinkled through every item of food, just to fuck with the Jews and Muslims.
  4. If you play any of their commercials backwards, you’ll hear the message “Gloria in Exelcis Deo”.
  5. The marketing department had to get special permission to allow cows to act like humans in the commercials because the management wanted to avoid encouraging anyone to think that it is okay to “lay with your cattle”.
  6. Each restaurant has to continuously bribe Health Department officials because management insists that the only codes and laws it will follow are the laws of God.
  7. Chick-fil-A is the official sponsor of the Catholic Church’s Exorcism program, providing free food to priests and victims infested by demons.
  8. The reason that their chicken tastes so good is because the founder sold his soul to the devil, so he’s been trying to make up for it ever since.

In other Avita-news, happy birthday to the ass-kickingest girl I know, Jessica, aka Black Belt Mama!

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20 Replies to “Chick-fil-A hates the gays”

  1. Kimberly

    Ha ha ha! One just opened up in town a few months ago, and the whole time it was being built I thought it was called Chick A Fil…I know that makes no sense. But now I can’t seem to call it by any other name. I’ve never been and now this new controversy means I never will. I gotta keep my gays happy! Also, it always struck me as funny that a fast food restaurant of all things is owned the conservatively religious. That kind of seems like an oxymoron.

  2. Alexa Roncancio

    This is the dumbest thing I have ever heard for those of you that think this is true, that’s very sad. But for the record, true Christians do not hate gays in any way, shape, or form. All we believe is that God put a man and a woman to be together if He wanted it any other way He would have made it so. True Christians do not support gay marriage but we sure as heck do not say you’re going to hell because you’re gay or you deserve to die or get bullied because you’re gay. That is ignorant and so is this fake article.

    • B.E. Earl

      @Alexa Roncancio, The definition of a “True Christian” depends on who is doing the defining. There are plenty of people who would claim to be True Christians who do indeed hate gay people or appear to hate them by their actions. It’s nice to hear that you aren’t one of those folks, but to deny their existence is…to use your own word…ignorant.

      • Alexa Roncancio

        @B.E. Earl, That is what a true Christian is, that is how it is taught in the Bible. I do not support gay marriage because of my beliefs and for a few other reasons, but I can assure you we do not hate gays because they are gay that is going against everything we believe when it comes to judging, and those without sin cast the first stone. However I never said people like that (that say they are Christians then protest that gays go to hell , etc.) do not exist. I am completely aware that they exist and it deeply saddens me because those kinds of people are what is portrayed in the media as “christians.” Which makes it very clear why people bash Christians so heavily nowadays.

  3. Blondefabulous

    I think Alexa missed the point.

    I am in love w/their chicken mini’s! Little bite sized chicken nuggets in mini yeast rolls brushed with honey butter!! It’s a mouthgasm! Makes the sick I feel later from eating bread almost worth it!!

  4. The Domestic Goddess

    Damn it. And I love their sausage gravy biscuits. Sheesh. No matter, can’t eat there anymore anyway. There’s this little thing about anaphylaxis, and despite their claim that their oil is highly refined and pure, I’m not gonna chance it. But their milk shakes…mmmm.

  5. Sheila

    So I’m not sure if we’re supposed to get all political up in this bitch of a blog post or what so I’m going to just move right along.

    I had Chik Fil A for the first time in the Orlando Airport when I went to Avitaween 2008 and I’ve been in love ever since. I had food dreams that involved diving into a vat filled with waffle fries and peach shakes. Then, one day, I heard a rumor….Chik Fil A was coming to Suburbia! HOLLER!!

    I still think of Chik Fil A often….but it’s been here for a while now and I went once….and turned around because the line was too long. But don’t worry – I’ll totally go to Chik Fil A when I’m in Lexington.

  6. ChopperPapa

    Chick-fil-A is the bomb end of discussion. And for anybody who gets their panties in a wad because the PRIVATELY HELD company threw a few chicken biscuits to an organization that doesn’t support the homosexual lifestyle…go to KFC.

    Otherwise, rock on Avitable!

  7. fuck this poster and this blog

    just wanted to say that the list of 8 “things” that i guess chickfila supposedly does is not fucking funny at all and the person who wrote it should stick to blowing peters instead of writing hahahahlawl

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