Now that Hosni Mubarak is no longer President of Egypt, after 30 years of rule, he’s going to be a little bored. Adam Avitable, career counselor to the stars, is here to help! Here are some suggestions for ways that Mubarak can live out the remainder of his life:
- Get a job greeting new customers at Walmart. And by greeting, I mean preventing them from getting a cart while insisting that they wanted to carry everything in their hands.
- Play Bingo at the local retirement hall and manage to win every single game.
- Run for the President of the Homeowner’s Association, and then levy fines against anyone who challenges his authority.
- Pitch a reality show called Mubarak and his Minions.
- Join Castro, Qadafi, and the real Saddam Hussein in a private volcanic evil lair.
- Continue to censor the press in the only way available to him now – by chasing after the paperboy every morning with a broom.
- Find a small country to take over so that he can increase his ranking from #20 on Parade Magazine’s World Worst Dictators List. Also, assassinate John Hamm so he has a chance for People’s Most Beautiful People List.
- Swim in a vault full of dollar bills much like Scrooge McDuck.
- Replace Jimmy Johnson as the pitchman for the male enhancement drug Extenze.
- Since Sammi left, join the Jersey Shore as “Moobs” Mubarak.
Tonight’s another installment of CYR, and we’ll be talking about masturbation, donkey porn, ways to discriminate against women in the workplace, and Helen Keller.
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