Since 1976, the United States and Canada have celebrated February as Black History Month, with most school curricula specifically celebrating the accomplishments and impact of blacks throughout history. And while it’s the most well-known calendar event of its kind, schools don’t ignore the impact of other groups at all. You just might not know of these other important programs:
During Asian History Week, all classes are canceled except for mathematics and science, which are extended to be 7 hours a day with one 15-minute break in the middle of the day. All drivers’ ed classes are also canceled. Unfortunately, after 45 minutes of being home again, the students have usually forgotten everything.
German History Time takes place from precisely 1:15 to 1:45 PM every weekday for three weeks in October. Each student is taught to drink a beer in one sip, and then they have to break the glasses of the nearest Jewish student.
Lesbian Herstory Bi-Weekly Interdisciplinary Study usually just involves listening to the Indigo Girls and burning training bras while raising one fist in the air triumphantly.
During Aryan Nashun Hist’ry Learnin’, the boys are l’arned how to shoot, tie a noose, and how to reckon if someone’s a nigra even if they can pass. The woman are l’arned to cook and have babies.
Students are invited to watch a video during Lewis Black History Hour where the comedian condenses the entire history of the human race into a 60-minute spittle-infused tirade.
French History Week was canceled after parents complained that their children only learned to wear berets, smoke cigarettes sensually, and sneer.
Swiss History Day consists of students being put in extremely simple moralistic situations that are almost black and white, but being punished if they choose either side. They get chocolate and cheese if they stay neutral, though.
One favorite among parents is Jewish History Week, where the students are guilted into helping their parents, obeying their every whim, and settling down with a nice boy or girl from the neighborhood.
Finally, there’s Canadian History Day, which is just like normal American History, except that everybody has to be nice to each other, say “Eh” and “Aboot”, and learn to tolerate Quebec.
In other Avita-news, tonight is a new episode of CYR! I’ll be trying out some new comedy bits, talking about anal bleaching, people who are bad parents, and taking calls to talk about anything under the sun.
As always, you can download the Talkshoe Pro client to listen in live and join us in the chatroom. You can even call in and tell me how
shitty awesome I am!