My 2011 Oscar Predictions

Best Impersonation of a Billionaire:  Jesse Eisenberg

Best Score By The Guy Who Wrote That “Fuck You Like An Animal” Song:  The Social Network

Movie That Sounds the Most Like a Porno Since “Dick”:  Winter’s Bone

Best Use of Shit in 3-D:  Jackass 3D

Worst Use of Shit in 3-D:  Gnomeo and Juliet

Foreign Film With Subtitles Spaced Far Enough Apart that You Can Fast-forward and Read Them Instead of Watching the Movie:  No winner

Best Animated Short:  Any 5-minute clip of Toy Story 3.

Best Cunnilingus:  Black Swan

Worst Cunnilingus:  Blue Valentine

Best British Period Piece that Paints Royals as Noble and Romantic Instead of Inbred:  The King’s Speech

Best Use of Justin Timberlake:  The Social Network

Worst Use of Justin Timberlake:  Yogi Bear

Best Use of Uncomfortable Humor Relating to Death:  Death at a Funeral, the British version

Worst Use of Uncomfortable Humor Relating to Death:  Death at a Funeral, the black remake

Best Family:  Emma Stone’s in Easy A

Worst Family:  Leonardo DiCaprio’s in Inception

Best Picture:  The King’s Speech

Best Picture That Actually Deserves It:  The Social Network

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