It's not always about being funny.

Thank God for Dead Soldiers

Before I start this post, which has nothing to do with comedy or humor, I wanted to let you know about a special event happening here in Orlando this weekend. And by special, I mean “terrifying”, because it involves me embarrassing myself in front of a live audience.

I’ve been practicing stand-up comedy for a while now, and going around to open mic nights locally. This week, though, I was lucky enough to get the opportunity to appear at the Orlando Improv on Sunday night and do a five-minute set, along with real comedians who are much better than I am.

If you’re interested in attending, you can find out more details, including how to get free tickets, here on Facebook!

The Westboro Baptist Church is, in my opinion, one of the examples of true evil in our world. Without any true understanding of Christianity or the Bible, they use hate and shock to gain publicity, make money from like-minded sociopaths, and with a well-educated, well-trained legal team, they sue anyone who crosses the slightest legal line.

As you may be aware, yesterday, the Supreme Court ruled with an 8-1 majority that the First Amendment protects the rights of these twisted, hateful individuals to protest, overruling a lawsuit by a man whose son was in the military, died, and whose funeral was picketed by this group.

The solitary dissenter in the opinion, Samuel Alito, really tried his hardest to make a case, connecting the dots between defamatory speech by claiming that the deceased soldier was gay (which I take umbrage with – saying someone is gay is not defamatory), and really stretching to allow the plaintiff (the father) to claim Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress as a direct result of the actions of the Westboro Baptist Church.

Unfortunately, he was grasping at straws and I think it’s a good thing that his opinion was not the majority one. As hateful as it is, the fact that these ignorant, despicable scum have the First Amendment right to protest means that our rights are also protected. This is the most extreme example of that saying (I’m paraphrasing) “I do not agree what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it.”

It’s hard to justify allowing these disgusting human beings the right to continue their crusade against everyone (recently, they protested the funeral of the young girl killed in Arizona with signs saying she was “Better Off Dead”).  There’s only one solution, and that’s to ignore them.

If the media stopped publishing their press releases and refused to discuss them, if local governments stopped trying to legislate First Amendment rights (and then losing lawsuits to the WBC), if people pretended that they weren’t even there, they’d go away.  It’s not a church.  It’s a thinly veiled PR machine that exists solely for the purpose of making money.  Without publicity, without failed legislation, it would shrivel up and die.  They’d have to scream louder and louder and get more and more desperate in order to try to get any attention, until they were forced to either give up or cross that legal line.  And that’s the only way that decency or humanity could ever win.

I know that there’s little to no chance of that ever happening, because we live in a society where we love to see a train wreck and we love drama and people’s misery.  So, as an alternative, I hope that one day, the members of the WBC unknowingly protest at the funeral of the son of a mobster or druglord, and in retaliation, he puts a bullet in every single one of their skulls.

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57 Replies to “Thank God for Dead Soldiers”

  1. Becca_Masters

    Well said Adam, especially at the end.
    It’s a shame these people continue to get publicity. And a shame that people have to stop and watch the train wreck (and take pictures!)

    I for one ignore such groups (most of the time!)

    • Leo

      ummm……first of all i do think thier message of being happy for dead soldier is faily twisted. however, i see thier message as enlightening. I can truly say thses ppl all by far leess hyprocritical of those soo called christians. Christianity teaches communitarianinsm and love for one another. It despises murder, lying ,cheating or hurting any other undividual. Yet we have millions of thses soo called christian supporting the war killing manyamrican soldeirs as well as those in the middle east in the process. They hypocritical christians support the death penalty, another example of the how americans have twisted the religion of christianity. Nad yes, if Jehovah exist, and hell existm then any soldier that killed a man for any reason will definetly go to hell. shows how fucked up some of the rules in the bible really are. but then agian it was moses who set thses rules, a fuckin hypocrite himself since he killed a man as well.

      • connie

        @Leo, don’t forget that Christianity is not the only religion that believes these values, and I’m pretty sure atheists like myself aren’t perfect too…

      • Adrienne

        @Leo, I may not be right. Mostly because I do not believe in God. However, I do believe that the bible says somewhere in there about “except for your country, or standing up for it” or something along those lines.

        Believing in and supporting the war is not hypocritical. Believing in the death penalty? This is not hypocritical either. Do you want these killers/rapists/sociopaths roaming the streets with you even after proven guilty of a heinous crime? Didn’t think so.

        • Leo

          @Adrienne, yeah ok…..tell me where in the bible does it say that and from whom? and are you kidding me??? ofcoarse it is hypocritcal to to be a christian and believe in the death sentence since the bible clearly state “thou shall not kill” thus, if u support the death sentence than u support the muder of an other individual, regardelees of what they done. Its the christian way. Also only becuase there wouldnt be a death penalty doesnt mean they go to roam the street. are u an idiot? also theses “sociopaths” are still human ,and according to ur God (if ur christian) you have no right to judge or condemn that for ur guy in the sky. secondly , thses people who commit theses crimes commit them for a reason. These individuals clearly have psychological problems that should be dealt with a behavioral or cognitive psychologist so they can figure out why that commited the crime and attempt to cure it. Yes, psychology can do that? 😀 were not fuckin barbarians , we no longer need the death sentence. weare an enlighten society that can solve these sort of problem more empirically than rather just act like our ignorant ancsetor “he commited a crime, he must be stoned” No, we hanvt acheived so much so we can still remain ignorant on thses subject matters.

      • Avitable

        @Leo, you’re a fucking idiot. Regardless of the fact that you write like you’re a 11-year old stroke victim with no fingers, the WBC goes against every single Christian tenet. They’re hateful and prideful and pieces of utter shit.

        • Leo

          @Avitable, And so does war, especially this “war on terror” if u had any knowlegde of history besides what u learned at grade school, you’ll realize most, if not all, wars havw been vastly influenced by economic pursuits. And yes, i am an idiot for the fact that im arguing with some wh owill not hear my statement and attempt to refute it, which you have to do so. You can call names all you want but that doesnt refute what i previously stated. People usually lead to name callin when they are not able to respond with an relevant answer. i.e. You!
          Also take some time and read wat i responded to Adrienne, ( dont get scared of some of the big words in put in there) haha

  2. Dave2

    I simply do not understand how freedom of speech trumps the freedom of families and loved ones to grieve in peace… without fear of being mercilessly abused at one of the most devastating and vulnerable times in their lives. What about THEIR rights? Fuck the Supreme Court. Fuck them up their stupid asses for twisting one of our fundamental rights into a grotesque tool for sadistic cruelty. Common decency and mutual respect are the foundation of a peaceful, harmonious, and free society. That we’re flushing them down the toilet in order to DEFEND these assholes sickens me to my very core.

    • calliope

      @Dave2, Yeah, pretty much this.
      Sorry, I don’t care what anyone says. Free speech needs to have its limits too. How is it that slander and libel are illegal but something like this is ruled legal?
      Dave says it better than I can cause it upsets me too much for coherent thought that people like this even exist.
      I do not support the war, and lately I can’t honestly even say I 100% always support the troops anymore, but I respect a family/community’s right to peacefully grieve it’s fallen. That’s just common decency.

    • Beth

      @Dave2, I wonder why it is that we’re so quick to defend WBC as protected under free speech. If they were picketing a black person’s funeral and shouting “God hates niggers!” I find it really hard to believe we’d be so “understanding.”

      • Avitable

        @Beth, no, that would likely be considered hate speech by word choice alone. And maybe “fags” will someday be considered the same. However, if they protested at a funeral and said “Thank God For Dead Black Men” or even “God Hates Blacks”, it would be just as protected.

        The speech is despicable now – I don’t think it’s more despicable if the soldier or focus of their protest was black. They also protested at the funeral of a 9-year old girl.

        Nonetheless, it is crucial that they have the right to say what they want, within pre-existing prescribed limits. Otherwise, it’s a slippery slope.

    • Avitable

      @Dave2, you’re a smart man, and I know that as much as you say you don’t, yes, you do understand it, and you know it’s not the fault of the Supreme Court. The WBC is very careful not to violate any laws – they don’t yell, they don’t impede passage, they file permits. We have a Constitutional right to free speech. We do not have a Constitutional right to a funeral without protesters.

      The fact that they have the right to protest gives us the rights that we deserve, and if we were to start choosing people who were not decent human beings and infringing on their rights, where would it stop, and who would be the arbiter of such things?

      The states have the right to enact laws to prevent protests at funerals; however, so there are protections that can be created. It’s just not going to be related to infringing on their free speech.

      • Dave2

        You’re right about one thing, we are getting what we deserve. As a society which allows one group to shit all over the rights of another in the name of “free speech,” we are getting exactly what we deserve.

  3. Natalie Piette

    Well said.
    You forgot to add at the end that after they are dead, everyone pickets THEIR funeral.
    Props though for not swearing throughout this post though… this kind of crap gets my blood boiling. Where is the respect?
    Thanks for writing this though!

  4. wolffgang valentine feile "Arthur S. Feile. Ret US. Army

    I am a 61 year old Vet. and as a matter of fact thats a pic of me at 20 years old “aug 1969 in Vietnam. I served with a lot of men and woman, both stright and gay, most of all those people served with pride and honor, and a good number of them gave their last full measure of devotion. I know for i witnessed it. FUCK THE WBC… Wish U luck with your profession.. and Thankyou…

  5. rose

    I’m so tired and I’m on my cell, but Leo’s reply has me seeing red!!!!!

    The commandment is not to murder. At the time it was written, ‘murder’ had a really specific definition and meaning. Why don’t you actually crack open a Bible and turn on your spellcheck before you jump online and start to speculate over who’s going to hell and who isn’t. How fucking arrogant.

  6. Aniki

    Something I read this evening is that, while the US Supreme Court may have had their say in that particular trial, they aren’t going to force any of the states to stop enforcing their anti-protesting at funeral laws.

  7. Blondefabulous

    Terrible little men always get their comeuppance in the end. I depend on that, and I have seen that actually happen. I fully support free speech, but I also support the people who found out WBC was going to picket a funeral last December and then the whole town stood on every street surrounding the cemetery so the WBC bastards didn’t have anywhere to protest!! We just need to stand together… they’ll get there comeuppance!

  8. cagey

    I am from Lawrence, Kansas — which is the next town over from Topeka. These fuckers don’t just picket funerals. They picket happy events, too. They picketed my brother’s high school graduation simply because the high school has a gay/straight student alliance.

    My brother’s graduation was such a happy event for our family – he is autistic and this was a HUGE deal for us what with all the challenges he had faced over the years. To come across such hatred as we were walking into the fieldhouse where the ceremony was to be held? Was really, really upsetting.

    I will never forget the feeling when I realized the group holding signs was the WBC. I specifically remember my arms feeling a little numb. I was 7 months pregnant at the time and by the time I got into the building, I was in tears and having contractions. I had to sit for about 15 minutes to calm down. And I felt nauseous from the adrenaline.

    But this was a HAPPY event, right? We ended our day at my dad and step-mom’s house celebrating with cake. I cannot even imagine how it feels to be a person GRIEVING the loss of a friend or a family member. What they go home to.

    It’s 5:30am here and I did laugh out loud at the last line. My husband is all “what?” and I am all “Oh, it’s just that guy in Florida that sent the crazy Christmas card talking about the fuckers from the Westboro Baptist Church”.

    Seriously, the last line? Hilarious. And we can only hope, right?

  9. shiny

    Adding to what cagey said above: The WBC will picket anything and everything simply to whore the organization out for attention. About 16 months ago it was doing a tour specifically aimed at targeting Jewish organizations and places of worship — because of the whole “You killed Jesus Christ” thing.

    My brother is a congregational rabbi at a synagogue in northern New Jersey, and he was confronted with this issue head-on when he learned that the WBC was scheduled to stop in his city and protest at his synagogue on a Tuesday evening. He had slightly less than a week of lead time on this, but had to make a decision about how to react. The result was seen as controversial by many members of the community; he decided to ignore them and not hold a counter-protest.

    There were no programs scheduled at the synagogue that evening which would be disturbed by the WBC’s presence. He felt the same way that you did — they were just looking for attention, and he wasn’t going to play that game. It was not an easy decision, however. When asked about his decision by the media, he stated that “It was a case where the head overruled the heart.”

    Of course, there were about 30 counter-protesters from the community which showed up nonetheless. And I suppose that will always happen. But I think there are more and more people who are catching on to the mission of these fuckwits — which is simply to gain attention by any means necessary.

    I can’t say I’m happy about the Supreme Court ruling, but I certainly understand much of the reasoning behind it. I hope, as time goes by, people start to wise up and stop giving the WBC the attention they certainly don’t deserve.

    • Avitable

      @shiny, I’m not happy about the ruling either, but I can’t see any other way it could have gone. The First Amendment is all about protecting specific speech, and by trying to say that one group can’t have that right, we’d be opening the door for our rights to be removed.

  10. Tiziana

    I fully agree with you argument about the insensitivity of these protests.

    However, please do not use the Special Olympics as a joke. It is demeaning to people with special needs and their families

    • Avitable

      @B.E. Earl, they are totally wrong and evil, but their ability to say their mind is still an unalienable right. By having that right, they have paved the way for us to be able to enjoy the same freedoms. It’s hard, but necessary.

      And I’m with you on the brain cancer.

  11. Beth

    As much as I hate to, I agree with the Supreme Court ruling. Free speech, and it’s protection, has been documented over and over and over again. Unfortunately, these WBC crazies fall under the protection of the 1st Amendment.

    I also agree that in time, the only way that they will stop this disrespectful, attention whoring behavior is when they STOP getting the attention. That being said, I think whenever possible, communities need to stand against them.

    There was a soldier’s funeral not too far from me recently, in a small and close-knit community. WBC had “pencilled it in” to possibly protest. Hearing this, word was quickly spread by family and friends of the fallen soldier, and THOUSANDS of people swarmed into this small town. Nobody stopped WBC from coming, but they didn’t show. If they had, the crowds were big enough to not allow them to get within 3 blocks of the church. I think that’s the kind of response we need to give them.

    Let them spew their protected hate speech from far enough away that the grieving family doesn’t have to be exposed to it.

  12. Grant

    Now you’re just copying me. Pathetic. I would never steal material from you.

    I agree that they’re mostly in it for the press. They finally hit on the thing that would prolong their fifteen minutes and they’re running with it. Or else they’re really clever performance artists who are laughing all the way to the bank because the rest of us aren’t smart enough to realize it is parody. But they would go away if people would ignore them, if the media would stop reporting on them, if douchebag bloggers would stop…oh, wait. Never mind.

  13. hello haha narf

    turning the other cheek is incredibly different, but totally the only thing that will work against these attention whores. or, ya know, someone popping a cap in all their asses.

    wish i could attend your big debut on sunday. so excited for you!

  14. Sybil Law

    WBC is a bunch of self appointed assfucks who miss a couple of the biggest Christian principles that I hold dear to my heart: Thou Shalt Not Judge, and Love They Neighbor. Unfortunately, they are within the law to spread their hate filled bullshit, so that’s that – I’m just waiting for the day they screw up and cross the line.

    Wish I could be at the show!! Break a leg or something, Fucker! xo

  15. Crystal

    WOW, I don’t think I could even think of any other word except WOW. Kinda glad I live in Canada where this kinda shit doesn’t really happen. Don’t get me wrong we have out left and right fwing fruit bats but nothing on this kinda scale. You Americans must have the patience of saints ’cause I think I would have picketed their church by now!

  16. val

    Our true God will not throw any child of his into a hell fire. Satan has deceived the whole world Rev 12:9 until a woman delivers Rev 12:5, 13 the true word John 1:1 to the world. Prophecy is fulfilled and is going to the world from the wilderness Rev 12:6 at
    It never entered the heart or mind of God to do such a thing as throw any child for any sin into a fire Jer 7:31, Jer 19:5. Everyone when they die their body returns to the earth and their spirit returns to God who gave it Eccl 12:7 to await their resurrection to eternal life John 3:16. All will believe in their own order 1 Cor 15:23. Every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess Rom 14:11. God created Isa 45:7 us all to be against him Rom 8:7 to learn the knowledge of good and evil Gen 3:22 to become a god Ps 82:6. Satan will not win even one child of God. God has all the power, none will perish for eternity. Greater love hath no man then that he lay down his life for his friends John 15:13. Soldiers are risking their lives against other soldiers trying to establish a better world. King David was never punished for all of the soldiers he killed. Everything that happens during earth school is for an eternal reason.
    God (love) never fails. If God were to kill any child of his for eternity he would be a hypocrite Ex 20:13. The true word is delivered.

  17. martymankins

    Fuck yeah. Ignoring them is the best policy. They only do this for press (and to hope in provoking someone enough to garner a lawsuit to raise money for their self-important business). And if you can’t ignore them, at least make fun of them like many students and movie directors have done recently.

    And as much as their type of protesting disgusts me to utter fucking levels of disgust, I have to agree with the Supreme Court decision. Although it would have been nice for it not to have gone this far, but it did and here’s where we are.

    Because if they would have been shut down, it would risk the shutdown of voices and protests of professional reason.

  18. Lo

    My little brother just returned from deployment last month; I first heard about WBC while he was in the sandbox. I can say with honestly that if he was killed in combat (thank God he wasn’t) and those bastards came to his funeral, I would without hesitation physically cause them harm. When I think about it, it has such an effect on me… they make me feel homicidal. I honestly don’t care about rights – the authorities would never find their bodies.

    I wish I never heard about them.

  19. Rose

    Adam, I’m back in daytona starting Sunday night! It a short trip just till Thursday.

    I’m a Christian. The wife of a US Marine on his 3rd combat deployment (he’s in afghan right now), and I love and accept gay people the way Jesus loved and accepted all of us.

    The WBC makes me so ill. I don’t like the word ‘hate’ used in a serious sense… But I Hate them.

  20. Shannon

    There’s only one solution, and that’s to ignore them.

    Exactly. No fight = no ammo = no protest. I have read in more than one place that their MO is basically to annoy people (within what is perfectly legal) to the point of doing something actionable and then suing.

    If that is the case, it adds to the appeal of the counter protests. Perfectly legal, exercising first amendment rights (both freedom of speech and peaceable assembly), and not adding any fuel to the dirty, nasty fire that is WBC.

  21. Kristin

    You know when you hit a button on your computer unknowingly and the page disappears…after you’ve almost completed your witty comment? Gah.

    I was proud of the Supreme Court. It was a hard decision to make, in some respects, because of the emotion behind it. And the emotional pressure from Average Joe U.S. Citizen who really isn’t that terribly smart (I include myself here). I think our Founding Fathers would have applauded not just their decision to protect Free Speech but that our system, that they created, is still working. So high five, Mr. Jefferson and Mr. Madison.

    AND, as we all know but collectively forget, once you start down that slippery slope of censure….how easy is it to end up in Nazi Germany or Fascist Italy or, I don’t know, Stalinist Russia? People forget and that’s a shame.

    This is no different than Charlie Sheen or the Hollywoods in general. The more attention the media gives them, the more outrageous they act. Because we, Average Joe Citizen, keep giving them the attention they want.

  22. Luke Thomas

    Fact is, the Supreme Court COULD have made it illegal because one Justice did try to do so. Actually there are a LOT of restrictions with regards to free speech already. You can’t publish a person’s medical record without written permission. It’s illegal to own and distribute child pornography. You cannot yell “BOMB” at a train station, and see how fast you go to prison if you make a statement threatening the head of the Country. If you take free speech literally as written in the Constitution child porn would be legal to distribute as “free speech”; in fact the ACLU believes it should be legal for a person to own child porn or distribute it – just illegal to create it. According to the AETA (Animal Enterprise terrorist Act) if you legally protest a vivisection organization, you can be charged as a terrorist. In fact four animal activists were arrested and charged with terrorism and sent to prison because they picketed peacefully and wrote a few harmless slogans on the side walk with washable CHALK.

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